Getaway

"We drove up the snowy, winding road towards the cozy A-frame cabin. I remember thinking this is going to fix everything." Looking at her hands folded neatly in her lap, she let her eyes wonder to the open window peering into another time. ‘’We had been married for 8 years but had loved each other far longer.’’ She said smiling a little. ‘’We had had a bit of a rough patch, seems we always found ourselves in one. In the beginning I had come to him badly bruised, battered and malnourished in all ways concerning love, but he was determined to love me better. There had been times where we both wanted to ‘throw in the towel’ and go our separate ways, but for whatever reason we were never able to give up; always fighting our way back to each other.’’ Her smile touched her faded blue eyes, as she remembered something from long ago. ‘’So, we drove up the path to find a picture-perfect cabin; I was obsessed with A-frames, and I had booked this trip months in advance as if I knew everything was going to change. My husband on the other hand couldn’t see the point in any of it but went along for his own hopes of relief from life.’’ She clutched at her chest as she spoke, a provoking memory flickered pain across her ivory skin face.

‘’Time stood still when he parked the truck. I was the first to open the door, allowing myself to feel the slightest bit of excitement, so many broken promises led us to this space in time and we’d made it.’’ Her fingers fumbled now over a rose gold ring on her left hand. ‘’the snow crunched beneath my feet, snow clumps fell off near by trees making a dull thump, and it was quiet; not eerie or unsettling, it was the kind of quiet that instantly speaks to your soul. I took in our surroundings as it came to life, the smell of evergreen trees covered in fluffy white untouched snow, a picture-perfect cabin, the sounds of a crows wings as it flew over, and a brook babbled into my ears. My senses were on fire!’’ Animated, her cheeks became rosy, her eyes dancing as she fell completely into her memory…

‘’It’s beautiful.’’ She said breathlessly

‘’Looks like woods.’’ Being a lumber jack, he saw all kinds of wilderness, it would take more than the stillness around him to wake his spirit.

‘’Should we put a fire on?’’ she looked at him with big ice blue eyes.

‘’I can get one going once were in.’’ He hauled the bags out of the truck and walked up the steps. Swinging open the screen door a loud creek sounded as he stood holding it open for her. With a bit of a nudge the front door opened to a cozy nest of a place. A wood stove in the corner, a large chair with throw pillows and blanket, a couch that looked like it would swallow me whole, the kitchen tucked under the balcony of the bedroom upstairs, which you could see through the banister leading all the way up. The entire place smelled of nature and furnished in wood. Despite the fire being out the cabin was not damp or cold, it felt warm and inviting. Kicking off our boots and grabbing slippers, we moved in silence in familiar motion. I unpacked the groceries for the weeklong stay, he grabbed wood out of the wood pile and began building the fire, I checked the bathroom and placed things in their designated areas, he stoked the fire to flame, I wandered up the stairs my hand slid along the rail of the banister, silky smooth wood kissed my fingertips, there in the loft a large queen size bed fluffed and ready to be curled up in. Peering down I saw flames lick the glass door of the stove as my husband latched it shut. He sat motionless on one knee for what seemed like ten minutes, with me just staring at him. Time froze us in that exact moment. The silence had become our third wheel. A friend that we didn’t want to invite in but knew we would anyway and encourage to stay for fear of the awkwardness if confronted.

Keeping to routine, I began to fix something to eat. The kitchen was a snug little space. I quickly threw together snacks and drinks and headed for the couch. There was no tv, or Wi-Fi, just the sound of fire crackling and our crunching of pickles, crackers, and cheese in front of a picture window. Golf ball sized snowflakes flitted down from the grey skies. Our first couple days and nights in the cabin went just like that, nothing out of the ordinary, no exploration of emotions or wilderness, just the quiet, settling feeling that one gets when a storm is fast approaching.

Our third day we found ourselves standing with warm coffees in hand, gazing out the picture window at a complete wonderland.

‘’Want to go for a bit of a walk and then get in the hot tub?’’ I asked hopingly.

‘’Yeah, we can, don’t want to be gone too long, fire will go out.’’ A ghost had replaced my husband. An echo of his voice is what I heard. ‘How am I to reach him?’ was my ever-waking turmoil.

‘’Just a small one then.’’ The smallest of breakthrough… After all, waves move oceans.

We hadn’t had a real conversation in a long time. We went through the motions forgetting what life was all about. I suppose in a way I thought getting back to nature would help stoke a fire in our souls again. It did for me at least but I wanted him to come along in the journey. I realized how he'd become a shell, forgetting his passions just to work the grind for his family, our family. Men, they aren’t usually taught how to grieve their losses whether that be days gone by, loved ones, or when boyhood adventures cease. At such an early age they’re taught to be tough, and not to cry… a human case of trapped emotions. I think that’s why they struggle in silence. But I was determined to get him to see life again. The light of a new sunrise, the enticement of an entirely new world made by a full moon casting its silver light, and all the moments in between that made life worth living.’’

I watched her now as she swayed ever so gently, as if dancing with her memories. She’d aged well, her once auburn hair had turned white, her skin had become soft and paper thin, yet her beauty had remained. Something about aging hadn’t scared her, she wore it like a badge of honor. Her eyes flicked towards me as she continued, I listened intently, scribbling down all that she said, desperately trying to keep her alive through stories on paper.

‘’We walked into the woods following a foot path so many had traveled before. It didn’t feel like an eye opining experience. So, when we came to a winding path that veered off into a bit of a thicket, I took it having been adventurous at the time. Following me, he gave no qualms. The air was thick with the smell of the woods, snow was falling from trees making a dense flop into the bed of snow below. I stopped to listen, I closed my eyes and breathed deep. I didn’t care if he thought me foolish, I stood there amongst the trees and just, breathed. My lungs contracted with each stretching breath with the chilly air like silky hands caressing my lungs to hold more. Tilting my head back and letting my arms float with my palms facing to the sky, I opened my eyes to see an owl perched on a branch watching us. He must have thought me crazy, but I watched him attentively. Big round yellow eyes searched my soul; I welcomed it. ‘’Look at him’’ I said to my husband, who had been watching me, looked up at him to find the stark creature lurking above us. ‘’He’s so beautiful, isn’t he?’’

‘’Yeah, he is. Creepy too.’’ We chuckled and kept walking; something caught my attention ‘’Do you hear that?’’

‘’Sounds like water.’’ Finally, our efforts of ‘roughing it’ paid off with an enormous reward as we broke through to find a waterfall.

‘’I’m sure we would have come to it if we’d followed the path, but we were meant to take the long way round.’’ I smiled at him feeling alive.

‘’You do like to take your own way.’’ He smiled at me, it felt playful. I felt my heart flutter. I can still feel his hand as I took it, big, rugged, a working man hand, covered in a mitten that I had just learned to knit…’’

She drifted now, into her memories, parts of this story I knew would forever be secret to me, but I felt I knew where it was going. There was loss coming of some kind. She continued with a sorrow undertone.

‘’I took his mitt off to touch his skin to my cold cheek. Standing beside the waterfall felt euphorically cathartic…in that moment I had to know, ‘’Are, are we getting a divorce?’’ his face stunned, ‘’I ask because things have been so distant between us and feel as though I’m flailing trying to salvage everything. What’s missing for you to love me again? Is it just me… Did I do this to us?’’ The words flooded out in a panic, and he just looked at me, that big burly face of a beard, his perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed over baby blues. I longed to feel his soft full lips against mine, but I needed the answer more.

‘’You’re insane.’’ He cupped my face like he did on our wedding day and kissed me, deep; and just like our first kiss so many years ago, I fell completely into him. I knew I had to have been wrong but of course, unwillingly breaking the kiss… I had to push, ‘’Then what is it?’’ he didn’t want to tell me, he wouldn’t look me in the eye. A pit formed in my stomach as I jumped to conclusions. ‘’Just…tell me.’’

‘’I’ve Parkinson’s.’’ as if a bomb had gone off my ears rang as I stood there, staring into his now hurt filled eyes.

‘’What?’’ Sheer shock engulfed me as I immediately wished he had cheated…I held his face in my hands. My calm steady giant of a man had Parkinson’s… his hand trembled slightly now; I had noticed before but chalked it up to over working his arms that day or any number of excuses, denial at the top of the tier. His eyes pleaded with mine, like a wounded bear his head dropped into my chest. I held him in my arms as we fell to our knees in the snow by the water. I rocked him as he wept his muffled pain into my coat, until he had cried himself quiet. In that single moment I knew without a doubt there would never be another. Holding each other we watched the world around us. Everything was flourishing in the snowy wonderland, it all seemed so obsolete now. One would think the snow would slow things down, but nature has always had a way of fighting for survival.

We sat in place for what seemed like hours till the sun moved behind the tree line casting us into nightfall.

‘’Let’s get back to the cabin. That hot tub is calling for us.’’ I motioned for him to get up, but he didn’t move, his arms bear hugged around my midriff with his face buried in my flannel belly, he looked up at me, ‘’Will you stay with me?’’ tears welled in our eyes as I whispered his words back ‘’You’re insane.’’ He began to pull away, but I held him in place, ‘’You’re insane, if you thought I would ever leave you. These rings may not mean anything to anyone else, marriage may be just paper to some people, but you my dear, will have me for our entire life and in the next. I gave you my heart a long time ago; that means you’re the only man for me and I’m the only woman for you. There isn’t anything we haven’t and can’t get through. This is just one mountain, granted it might take us longer to climb, but we’ll get there; and when we do, we’ll be stronger because of it. I love you.’’ Lumbering to his feet he kissed me with such need it pulled at my stomach, undoing every inch of me. Love is an understatement for what we had for each other, his eyes met mine and we made our way up the snowy, winding path towards the cozy A-frame cabin.’’ Silence filled the room; story time was over. There was nothing I could say to her. I knew their love was untouchable, having been witness to it since I was a child, always admiring them. I went to her, wrapping my arms around her frail body and held her. She rested her head on my shoulder her hair brushing my cheek. Together we sat in silence, missing him.