Frosted Breath

My face is a heavy snow cloud numb with cold. My breath condensing into a fog so thick it blurs my vision and collects on my eye-lashes in swollen droplets that quickly froze into icicles. Every time I blink heavy tears drip from my eyes, drawn out with the harsh winds that lash my face. The tears crawl their descent down my cheeks, growing ever slower in the chill until they too freeze and crust my skin. Though I can’t see them, I know my lips are a concerning shade of purple and I dare not guess at the state of my nose. My hands are tucked tightly under my arm-pits but if there was any warmth to find there, they were numb to it. My teeth no longer chatter but the muscles in my jaw ache painfully in my efforts to quell the vibrating assault. The pain made it harder and harder to care about the possibility of shattered teeth despite how violent the clacking had become. I briefly considered tying my own jaw shut just to be done with the issue but the only thing I could think to use was my scarf and there was nothing that would make me expose my own neck to this biting cold, teeth be damned. Everything has a price. It was getting harder to decide what consequences were worth the gain.

One thing I was grateful for was the grey sheet my once vibrant black hair had become. It no longer had the ability to curl around in the wind to whip my already stinging skin. I grimace as I pinch a piece between my fingers, concern and humour mixing in a curious way as I considered how realistic the notion was that I could snap my own hair clean off with how cold it had become. I warred with the idea of finding out, my amusement outweighing the fear of a bad haircut as the laughter warmed my insides briefly. I flexed the strand a little.

A sharp ‘snap’ sounded and I stared at the frozen strand of hair in my hand. Still attached, unharmed. It took my sluggish mind an eternity to catch up and realise that the sound had not come from me but from somewhere in the forest behind. My ambling steps came to a halt and fear pooled like bitter warmth inside my lungs making the air heavier and my throat tight. I couldn’t ignore the growing sensation that crept down my spine telling me that I was being followed, my instincts screamed at me but I was so out of my depth it was like they were in another language. My joints felt like they were clogged with molasses and my skin ached as the hairs rose even higher in a mix of cold and terror. My mind was blank to the possibilities of what horror might stalk me in this frozen tundra, I am alien to this environment and my mind whirled with thoughts that rattled like stalagmites suspended in a haze of concern. There is no beast I could imagine out-running, especially not in foot-deep snow. I am definitely in no state to fight, even if I weren’t chilled to the bone I doubted my strength to wrestle a pug let alone a wild animal. Better to just let them have me and be done with it, be done with this misery. My final service to the world as a frozen feast to so beast in the wilderness. I didn’t even try to mask my frustration as I huffed and continued walking, I was no challenge on an ordinary day but even those few moments standing still I had become more statuesque and despite everything else my brain and body were struggling with my stomach still felt the need to punctuate every thought with a reminder of just how hollow it had become.

Another snap sounded and my head whipped towards it instinctually. I squinted into the snow-laden wind and searched for signs of movement, anything to indicate the origin of the sound. I struggled through the tears as the peppering of ice stung my eyes, the wind blasting against me with more ferocity as if it too was trying to warn me.

There, I spotted it and if my veins were not already iced-over they would be now. I struggled to tell the distance between me and the pair of eyes I had locked onto but regardless, that bear was much too close for comfort. Burning with renewed fear I stumbled backwards and cursed myself as the snowdrift caught me behind the knees and sent me sprawling. The frantic movements I made alerted the beast to my terror and attempt to escape, it scented the air in my direction and I panicked. The beast let out a bellow and rose onto its hind legs, clouding the air with its breath. I didn’t hesitate after that, I couldn’t think. I just ran.

My already heated lungs now burned with pain and my breaths felt like they were edged with razors as they sliced their way down my throat. I could hear the panting grunts of the bear as it effortlessly carved through the snow behind me but I knew it was best not to turn and check the distance. After seconds I noticed the snow was not as deep in the direction I was running and, were I not mindless with fear, I might have considered it an advantage in my escape. Instinct and fear fueled my panic, helping me push past the shredding in my lungs. My breaths were heaving and my muscles screamed beyond anything I had felt before. I knew that my time was running out.

Another echoing roar came from behind me but it sounded far more distant than I had anticipated. The thought made me hesitate, I could hear no sound of approach. I glanced over my shoulder, slowing to a jog as I did and noticed that the bear had halted in its chase and now seemed to be pacing and agitated. I stopped and turned, bewildered to say the least. Trying to catch my breath and see past the spots that now dotted my vision, the world spun. As I stood there, hunched over and heaving for air a sound caught my attention. Cracking. I looked down just in time to let out an exasperated “Fuck me” before the ice gave way and I fell into water so cold it felt like I was being flayed alive. The cold took over me so quickly I couldn't think, couldn't even start to swim but right before the darkness took me I swore I saw a flash of silvery-blue reaching for me. Then there was nothing.