From Cherbourg to Paradis

21 April 1912

My dear Papiere,

What sorrow must the news have brought you in the last few days? I'm writing you in preparation for my and the children's return home without our beloved Joseph Phillipe. We started our journey from Cherbourg with such high hopes. My husband, our children, and I. Do you remember how excited we were to finally be on our way to my husband's beloved homeland of Haiti? I can still see Joseph Phillippe running into the cellar exclaiming over the letter he had received that morning from his uncle President Dessalines M. Cincinnatus. Mon Dieu that feels like a lifetime ago. Uncle Dessalines sent the beautifully written letter to inform Joseph Phillippe that he had secured an engineering position for him within his newly formed government. After all of Joseph's struggles to endure in my once beloved country without success. This letter was the lifeline we needed for a prosperous future together.

Oh, the excitement we felt that day.

***

Paris

3 March 1912

"Mon amour, mon amour." Joseph Phillippe exclaimed as he ran into his father-in-law's wine cellar, excitedly waving a piece of parchment paper in his hand. Startling his wife, who was taking inventory of their recent wine delivery.

"What is wrong, mon amour? Is it one of the children?" Juliette says, putting down her clipboard, and using her pristine apron to wipe imaginary sweat from her clean, manicured hands. They had 2 of the wildest little girls to have ever lived in the city of Paris. One of them was always running to tell the other about their children's antics. Just recently, 3-year-old Simone tied her almost 2-year-old sister Louise to their front gate post with a sign: "FOR SALE." If the gypsy woman hadn't knocked on the kitchen door, her often busy parents would not have noticed until it was supper time.

"Non, mon amour. Dieu Mercier, not this time. Voici!" Joseph Phillippe says, shivering in memory and shoving the paper into her hands.

"What is this?" Juliette asks as she walks over to their newly installed electric torch for better sight. Scanning it, she slowly turns back towards her husband. "I do not understand, mon amour. What does this mean?" She asks with a hopeful look in her eyes. Juliette was a brilliant woman, so Joseph Phillippe knew she very well understood the letter. She just didn't want to believe it.

"What do you think it means?" Joseph Phillippe asks as he slyly walks over to his stunned wife, grabbing her by her waist and kissing her on the neck.

"Well, I hope it means that we can finally leave this horrid place?" Juliette says with a sigh, relaxing into his stronghold. She fervently prayed that this letter was the answer they had sought since marrying four years ago. Juliette will never regret a day spent with her husband but her romance with Paris is over. 15-year-old Joseph Phillippe had come to this country searching for an education in engineering which he received. When they first met, Joseph Phillippe had been so excited for the future. He told her he was going to build the tallest building in Paris. Yet, thanks to his love for her, he hasn't been able to find stable employment in any field.

Juliette knew that if Joseph Phillippe had married a fellow Haitian or woman of African descent, his life in France would have been much different. Not easier but different. Her presence in his life at times made his life unbearable. Joseph Phillippe would secure a well-paying position but would be immediately dismissed when the proprietor found out that his wife was of French descent and not African. In their first three years together, her poor husband has obtained and lost no less than 14 positions within Paris and the countryside. After losing his last post soon after the birth of their second child, Juliette spoke to her father about bringing Joseph Phillipe into the family business.

Her father, a kind and humble man, was over the moon to invite his much-loved son-in-law to join him in the wine business, but even the older man knew this was not the young man's calling. He often wished he could change the narrow-minded views of his fellow citizens, but as much as he tried, even all his money couldn't pay for that. So he rescinds himself to being useful in a supportive way. Bringing Joseph Phillipe under his fold and teaching him all the things a father should teach his son about their family business. Joseph Phillipe caught on quickly and helped the company grow by leaps and bounds, but his life was much different once when he walked out through those front gates. Not everyone in France felt as Juliette and her father felt about their fellow human beings. The pressures of living under such racist judgemental eyes took a toll on Joseph Phillipe's well-being.

That's why the older man wrote to the young man's mother in the fall without the young couple's knowledge. As much as the thought pains him of losing his precious family, the older man knows that his beloved home was not the home for them. So with the best of intentions, he sent the letter. He was praying for a happy outcome. Today it has come.

"Oui, mon amour, we can and soon. Very soon, in fact. April. On a new ship called the SS France," Joseph Phillipe says, only letting go of her with one hand to pull out the tickets enclosed in the letter from his back pocket. "Regarder, " he says, shoving the items into her partially trapped hand again.

"How did you get these so fast?" Juliette says, shocked as she skimmed through the first-class tickets and brochure. She stopped to thoroughly read a brochure section that gave her pause.

"Ma mere sent them in the letter from Uncle Dessalines. Isn't it wonderful!" Joseph exclaims as he waltzed a giggling Juliette around the wine cellar. "Just imagine it. We in first-class, dining on the finest French cuisine on the Atlantic and living lavishly as we do so. Five whole days of luxury, mon amour." Joseph says wistfully as he hums the cords to Beethoven's Fur Elise. He was daydreaming of the clear blue waters that surrounded his homeland. Of the lush trees that circled the land granted to Joseph Phillipe's father for his military service. Of his grand-mère's soup Joumou, its enticing aroma and creamy flavor. Her skin's creamy dark brown smoothness as she rolled out the pain dough and his mother. Oh, his mother. To hug her again will be a dream come true. It has been ten years since Joseph Phillipe was last home. He couldn't wait to get on that boat.

"Qui, mon amour. It sounds divine but did you thoroughly look over this brochure? The rules state that all children must dine in the nursery and not with their parents in the dining room. With little Louise often in poor health after eating, I don't feel comfortable with that." A breathless Juliette says, stopping the music for Joseph Phillippe, who seemed to be in his own world even though he was holding her in his arms.

Stopping to think about what his wife had just informed him, he knew that this ship would not be an option for them. Joseph Phillipe says, his hand on his chin, "Now that just won't do."

***

21 April 1912

Oh, Papa, if we only knew then what I know now. I would have hired someone to watch over little Louise if that meant that my family and I would never have to step foot on the cursed Titanic. It's an English ship, after all. What did we expect? Joseph Phillipe was right when he said I worry too much. If I had never mentioned the rule to Joseph Phillipe, he would have never sought out The White Sails company. Prompting him to trade in our four first-class tickets on the SS France for four second-class tickets on the horrid Titanic.

***

6 March 1912

"I have figured out a solution to our dining problem, mon amour." Joseph Phillipe says, walking down the hall towards his wife's kitchen. Juliette was making a fresh batch of Pain au chocolat, her favorite pregnancy food. Reaching around her to steal a piece of the chocolate she was grating, he gives her a quick kiss on the cheek before biting, chewing, then almost wrenching up the pilfered loot. "Mon Dieu! What are these, ordures?" Joseph Phillipe says as he spits out the offensive chocolate into his handkerchief.

Laughing at her husband's overly dramatic response, Juliette responds with a knife in her right hand, "That's what you get, mon amour. Didn't my sweet sainted belle-mère teach you not to steal? Tsk Tsk, Honte à Vous!" That mon Coeur is unsweetened chocolate. I have to melt and sweeten the chocolate before folding it into the Pain." Juliette says as she eats a piece of the actual chocolate she was using. Joseph Phillipe always stole the chocolate while baking, introducing her innocent children to the same bad habit. Today she decided to teach "meneur" a lesson.

"Puits, it's revolting. Priez, dites-le. Why have you purchased this excuse for chocolate instead of the milked version you get from the chocolatier?" Joseph Phillipe exclaims with a disgusted look on his face. Seeing the sly look on his wife's face, he could only guess. Sitting down at the table, he prompts his wife to join him. "No, bother. Come, sit, mon amour. I want to show you what I've found." Joseph Phillipe said with a pat on the chair next to him. Pouring them both a cup of cafe, Juliette walks over to the table, handing her husband his cup before she sits.

"What do you have there?" She asks, taking a sip of her sweet cafe.

"Our new tickets to paradise." Joseph Phillipe answers, sliding the packet of information towards her. "Do you remember that article we read in Les Échos de l'Exportation last month?" When she looked at him blankly, he prompted, "About the ship being built in Belfast?"

"Ah oui oui. What about it?" Josephine asks, taking a bite of Pain au chocolat she had made earlier.

"We'll be traveling to New York on the Titanic," Joseph Phillipe says excitedly. Last month, he remembered the article boasting that this ship would be the largest, fastest, and most extravagant ship ever to cross the Atlantic. His excitement was almost palpable. Along with the Titanic, the SS France would also be making their maiden voyage that April, but their attitude towards children made them entirely undesirable to these parents.

Suddenly exhausted and not caring about the name or accolades of the vessel on which they would be traveling. As long as it took them away from France, Juliette cooly says "Great" before taking another bite of Pain and relaxing into her seat. She still had a good amount of cooking for this evening meal and with the children due soon from their daily trip to the park with their grand-père. Juliette knew she didn't have long to cherish this quiet moment before she had to hide her baked treats.

Noticing his wife's too infrequently relaxed mood. Joseph Phillipe picked up his cup, placed a few warm pain au chocolat on his saucer, kissed his wife on the cheek, and quietly walked down the hall to his study, where he finalized their travel itinerary and sent for a courier to wire his mother of their plans. He couldn't believe that he and his family would be nestled in the bosom of his homeland in mere weeks.

He spent the rest of the afternoon daydreaming about all the glories of his childhood home. The excitement he would feel introducing his wife and daughters to his family and showing them all of his favorite places. Ecstatic their newly conceived child, and every child to come, will be born into a community where they will always be accepted. He couldn't wait to get to paradis after going through hell.

***

21 April 1912

Oui, on the Titanic, the girls could eat with us in the First Class dining room open to second class passengers, but that doesn't mean it was in comfort. We were put in the back by the kitchen door with poor Joseph Phillipe's back to the door. Mon Dieu, by the end of the second night, my Joey had a large bruise on his back from the kitchen door hitting him as it swung open and shut with revolving waiters. Our treatment wasn't much better when interacting with the other travelers. We did meet a lovely couple from Burgundy, who also had 2 cherubs of little girls, who are a little younger than our girls. They were our only solace on our 2 days of traveling. If it wasn't for her cache of soda crackers, I don't think I would have survived the first day of seasickness.

***

14 April 1912

"Here you go, mon petite," Sophia, Juliette's newest friend, says to her baby girl. Handing the baby the porcelain doll, she just ejected from her pram. Shaking her head had her baby's antics Sophia asks, "Were your children this different. My oldest Madeline is so calm and loving, but Marie is like a wild boar. I love her, oui, but she MON DIEU!" She says with a

resigned sigh.

The two women enjoyed the sunny afternoon on the ship's deck with their children, as their husbands enjoyed the sanctity of the men's only smoking room.

"Oh, Cherie, I completely understand. I'm an only child, and so is my husband, so when we had Simone, we knew how to keep her occupied but her little sister. MON DIEU!" Juliette says laughingly as she nibbles on another cracker. "She has tested my fortitude more than I'd care to think of, and she had brought her sister along with her. She has turned my sweet loving child into a person who would try to sell the very same sister." Juliette shook her head as her heart swelled with pride and love, looking at their children playing on the ship's deck with some children from 1st class. "Yet, they are as close as two sisters could be. They may torture each other, but they would never allow anyone to mess with the other." Juliette says just as little Eloise attached herself to the back of a little boy who had stolen their ball. Juliette runs over to the children and extracts her little hellion from the little boy's back, just as a woman Juliette recognized came to do the same. She remembers seeing the woman embarking in Cherbourg with whom she thought was her family. Now, Juliette could see she had been mistaken because the woman was now wearing the costume of a nanny.

"You need to control that little quadroon!" The woman screeched in French with a strange, harsh-sounding English accent. "Shouldn't even be allowed on this ship if you ask me. Come along, Fredrick." The woman says as she hastily drags the young boy away.

"Calm yourself mon petite!" Juliette says to the still-raging little girl trying to climb over her shoulder to get to the little boy looking back and sticking his tongue out.

"But mama, he stole our ball!" the red-faced, adorably mad little girl says with the fervor of a shorted fish wife.

"I know, mon petite, but that does not give you the right to attack people. We've talked about this. What did papa and I tell you to do if someone does something wrong to you?" Juliette asks as she carries the little girl over to one of the deck chairs while Sophia gathers the older girls to join her.

"What is a quadroon?" The little girl asks instead of answering her mother's question.

"Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of." Juliette does not want her children to feel ashamed of their African heritage. "It just means that you are the reflection of a love that transcends society's prejudices. Now answer my question." Juliette says sternly.

"To come and get you or papa." the little girl yawns as she snuggles into her mother for a much-needed nap; recent offenses were soon forgotten.

"Are you ok?" Sophia asks as she and her oldest daughter sit on the deck chair next to Juliette. Simone lays on the other side of her mother and snuggles in just as her little sister has done. "I heard what that woman said to you. For the life of me, I will never understand that thinking. My family is Roma, so I'm used to discrimination. Still, the treatment I've seen your poor husband receive, now you and your daughters. Merde!" Sophia says with disgust in her eyes. "I thought this class was supposed to be civilized," Sophia says as she looks around the crowded deck and the empty deck chairs around them.

"I'm fine, but this type of treatment is precisely why we left France for Haiti. In a place where the country's leaders look like them. My husband and children won't have to live with such prejudices hanging over their heads." Juliette says, looking at her now sleeping children, hoping that her assumptions were correct.

"Well, it's still disgusting if you ask me," Sophia says. She continued to watch as the other passengers avoided the comfort of the deck chairs next to them.

"I think the girls have the right idea," Juliette says as she skillfully stands, holding both sleeping children securely in her arms. "It's nap time. This pregnancy has me exhausted. How about we go back to our cabins for rest and meet here for a walk before dinner?" Juliette suggests to a shocked Sophia.

"Ah, oui, but only if you teach me how to do that!" Sophia says laughingly as she puts her oldest in the pram with her sister. They walk towards the hatch that leads to their second-class cabins.

***

21 April 1912

Sophia and her family were such a comfort to us on those days. It was nice to have another young mother to talk to about the difficulties of motherhood. I know Joseph Phillipe enjoyed her husband's company as much as I did her. He spoke of the wonderful conversations that were shared that first day. How so much alike we two families were.

As you know, that's not a luxury we've had back in Paris. Companionship. Unfortunately, I haven't seen her or her husband in the days since the tragedy. I've resigned myself to only think of them as I last saw them that last terrible evening. Laughing as we danced the waltz to the band playing on the ship's deck before everything went black.

***

"Oh, I could dance all night," A laughing Sophia says as her husband Hugo twirled her around in swooping circles as the cold night air glided over their smiling faces.

Smiling at the lovely couple from the comfort of her deck chair, Juliette laughs as she catches her breath, "I, however, can not, and it seems the children agree with me." She says, looking over at the 4 little cherubs sleeping comfortably under a wool blanket.

"It's so peaceful out here," Joseph Phillipe says as he leans onto the railing to look out into the pitch-black ocean, not entirely paying attention to the conversation around him. "I remember my first Atlantic crossing. I was so excited to make my way to the "Continent." The dreams of glory that I had. Looking back now, I see how foolish I was." He says despondently. Turning to look at his beautiful family. France may not have given him what he needed, but God did. He would do whatever it took for them to live freely. Without hate, without spite, without regret.

"Scoop over Mon Amour." He says to his wife as he walks over to her chair.

Obliging him, she scoots over, lifting her blanket, making room for him to snuggle. Wrapping him in the blanket, she settled into the crook of his arm and enjoyed the sandalwood-scented warmth of his body as he gently kissed her on the top of her head. At that moment, neither cared where they lived as long as they were in each other's arms.

"Uhm, excusez-nous," Hugo says a few minutes later, breaking their solace. "I hate to break up your quiet moment, but would you mind watching our children as Sophia and I can promenade around the deck?" A sheepish Hugo asks, hat in hand, "We'll do the same for you tomorrow evening," He adds as an incentive. It's been months since he and his wife have had a private moment together. All he needed was 20 minutes of privacy with his beautiful wife. That wasn't too much to ask. Was it?

"Bien su..." Joseph Phillipe started to say before Hugo and Sophia dashed off giggling like teenagers. Laughing at their exuberance, Joseph Phillipe looked over at the sleeping children, followed their example, and closed his eyes as Juliette nibbled his ear. Now he wished they could run off like giggling teenagers.

***

21 April 1912

We were spending such a lovely evening on the deck when we were assaulted by a sound so horrible I have no way to describe it. From that moment on, my life changed forever. Joseph and I gathered up the children and ran toward where we thought Hugo and Sophia would be but were told to stay on the deck by a deckhand. So we did and sat back down where we were. It was at least a full half-hour before we knew that something was terribly wrong and another 15 before they started loading the lifeboats. Women and children were to go first. I prayed I would see Hugo and Sophia, but I never did. If I had known at the time that there weren't enough lifeboats, I would have demanded that Joseph Phillipe get in with us.

***

"They will lower the lifeboats soon," Joseph Phillipe said as he hurried his wife towards the nearest one. He was thankful they were already on the deck when they hit the iceberg. Joseph Phillipe knew if they were in their cabin, he and his family would have never made it past the bigoted first-class passengers trying to get on.

Joseph knew what his future was going to be from tonight on. None. He resigned himself to the fact 20 minutes ago. Joseph Phillipe knew from experience that as a Haitian man on a white man's ship, he would be the last person selected to be saved. Joseph Phillipe had the bruises on his back to prove it. The chances for his rescue might be nill, but his family and their friend's children will be protected. Yanking the cover off the lifeboat, he gently lays his friend's still sleeping children down on the boat's floor. Quickly turning to lift his wife and children into the boat deftly. Looking into her eyes, willing her to understand, he says, "Je t'aime. Take care of the children. We don't know what's going to happen. If asked, these are all your children. Do you understand?" He asks, holding her face in his hands.

"Oui mon Amour but why are you telling me this? Get in." Juliette pleads with him.

"You know I can't do the mon amour. Women and children first, but don't worry, this is a big ship. They have plenty of lifeboats. I'll make it to my paradis." Hearing footsteps, Joseph Phillipe turns to see a crowd of people coming towards the empty boats. "I'm going to go find Hugo and Sophia. Remember what I said, and don't worry, I'll always find you." He quickly says, kissing her before running off into the crowd.

Juliette was speechless as she gathered up the children so they wouldn't be trampled by the bodies now being tossed into the boat. She was holding onto the children for dear life. She just as fervently held onto hope that her husband and friends would be saved until the moment the tip of the ship and her hope disappeared into the obsidian sea.

***

21 April 1912

Oh, Papiere, I wish I could do everything all over again. I wish we would have let the children eat in that first ship's nursery. The worst part is I never got to say, "I love you too." Part of me wishes that I died with him like Hugo and Sophia, but then I look at the 4 children missing their father and parents. All looking to me for comfort, now I can't fathom what their lives would be without me.

We are now in New York. I spoke to the authorities here, and we will be given a choice to stay here with the help of charities or return home on the next ship to leave for France. I chose the second choice. I know how much Joey wanted us to see his beloved Haiti, but it would be too painful for me to build our lives in a place he could never be again. I want to think of Haiti as his happy home. Not my place of grief. That I will leave in the Atlantic along with my love.

I hope you are ready to be grand-pere to 5 little ones. I will need your help in my grief and my patience. How did you survive after my dear mama passed? I have so many questions, but I guess they will have to wait until I see you again. The children are fighting, and the postmaster is waiting.

Je t'aime

Juliette

***

"Wake up, son." Joseph Phillipe heard a strange voice say to him. Opening his eyes, he could see that he was lying prone on silky soft sand. He sees a man that much resembled his long-dead beloved father standing at his feet. "Papa?" He says with confusion in his eyes. The man had the same strong sailors build as his father, the same cafe au lait complexion and he even had the same gold ring in his ear. "What are you doing here? Where are we?" He asks his father's Spector.

"Where did you tell Juliette you'd find your way too?" His seemingly very much alive father asked him.

"My paradis." Joseph Phillipe says, still confused.

"Exactly." His father plainly says.

"Where are Juliette and the children?" Joseph Phillipe asks more curious than concerned, which felt strange to him. Why wasn't he worried about their safety? Why wasn't he rushing off to find them? The last thing he remembers before waking up on this beach was putting them in the lifeboat. Where were they now and how did he get here?

"You still do not understand do you son?" his father says with sadness in his wizened hazel eyes. When Joseph Phillipe continued to look at him in confusion, his father continued "Just know they are safe and will live full and happy lives. Juliette will make sure of that. Even your son, who has yet to be born and will bear your name, will leave the legacy that you wanted to live." The older man says with pride now replacing the sadness that entered his eyes at the realization that his son's life had ended all to soon.

Suddenly understanding what his father was telling him Joseph Phillipe took a moment to actually look at his surroundings. Everything was just as he remembered. Even down to his grandmother sipping tea on the porch. Seeing her loving smile let him know he was truly in paradis. Jumping up, he ran up and down the beach, whooping and yelling, as his family watched in joy because he had finally made it home. He was free.