'From Beyond, With Love'. A Doomsday Diary.

My fingertips tingle gently as they brush the edge of a cloud, leaving water droplets scattered across my palm. Spreading my arms out further I push a little higher, the warmth of the sun breaking onto my face. This feeling I will never get used to. The freedom of being surrounded by endless sky, protected by the sun, caressed by the air. Nothing compares to the feeling of flight.

The clouds part beneath me, drifting slowly away from each other, revealing the vast ocean, powering out in all directions. A flash of brown swaying –no not swaying, rocking amongst the deep blue catches my eye. As I look closer I can see hundreds of circles –faces; huddled together, like grapes clinging for their life on a single branch. A strange sensation passes over me, I am looking at a mirror image of a scene I have known before, a long time ago, -only the faces were much paler, and they were travelling south instead of north. Shaking myself I force the past from my mind, and banish the ghost feeling of water filling my lungs to a memory I never wish to relive. I pull my hand to my chest, wrapping my finger around the heart shaped locket that hangs there. It’s the only thing that I have left of that life. Here, now, I am no longer drowning but soaring. Eyes, green but somehow red, start to wonder up almost making contact with my own, the connection is interrupted as fluffy white blocks all from my view. It only takes a few seconds for it to clear, but when it does I can only see a few heads, a few hands, they now too are bobbing amongst the blue. Their boat is a convex cocoon, unreachable. My heart sinks a little, I feel a pull towards them, all the souls reaching out, open, vulnerable, yearning for release. But I see others are already starting to greet them. White gowns of silk and sunlight; identical to my own, already descending. I press on. Rays of sun still brush my skin, lightning up my face, somehow they feel a little cooler than before.

It’s a few minutes before I hear it, the sharp, cold whistle I’ve been waiting for. Within seconds it comes into view. A khaki titan of a bullet with a yellow stripe near it’s head, point piercing the air as it cuts through viciously, riding it’s destructive path to its destination. My destination. I try but fail to out go it, and as it tears past I can just about make out the black scrawl on the side. A wave of nausea sweeps through me as the words sink in my whole body feels twice as heavy. I shoot after it, feeling tears begin to burn my eyes, then stream down my cheeks, splashing my ears as they fly off. I will not let them suffer for long.

The jagged skyline of a city comes into view, sharp, broken, staggered edges sticking out awkwardly into the sky. Wearing between concrete full of shattered glass, smoke and flames scold my eyes as I drop lower, the ground rapidly coming into reach. I land surrounded by mountains of rubble, bits of broken pipes sticking up at odd angles, people streaming past me, their eyes never quite focusing on my face. They are covered in blood. I walk on past them, saying silent prayers for each and every terrified soul who passes me. I turn past a melting truck, blazing brightly, billowing black smoke towering into the air, a cry for help sent too late. Laying scattered being the truck resides the remaining bricks of a toppled block of flats. It was now a mound of destruction, a scene of chaos, the stench of burning flesh flooding the air. Bodies, bold red crosses plastered on their chests, scurry over bricks, tossing them aside to grasp at emerging hands, some twitching, some still. Heart wrenching moans, screams, cries, ring out indefinitely through the dust and smoke. A little away from where I stand, among the desperate panic, a man sits slumped, almost still against the chaotic struggle of his surroundings. His eyes deeper than the darkest ocean, shining with sadness as salty drops streamed down his cheeks, splashing on to the t-shirt torn diagonally over his chest. Watching him I realised he was swaying ever so slightly, his shoulders hunched over. He was cradling something. I took a few steps closer, then I knew, I was in the right place. Lay in his arms was a body -no… A child. No older than two or three. His little torso coated in a thick film of dirt and dark sticky crimson, pulsing with jagged, uneven, breaths. His small stomach shakily, rising and falling, trailing off into a mangled bloody mess where his legs should have been. His clothes mostly burnt away, exposing his bare chest through which you could see his heart pounding, spluttering in the struggle against the looming flood of darkness threatening him. And he was drowning. I knelt down beside him, his eyelashes were fluttering rapidly, his brown eyes, like pools of autumn, twitching up and down to the back of his head. I reached out and laid my hand on his head, my fingers stroking his blood stained curls back and forth in a soothing motion, his eyes beginning to slow, gently moving to meet mine. I placed my other hand on his chest, allowing his breath to calm into a soft rhythm. The tension in his body letting go. His huge, round eyes still locked onto mine, a glossy sereneness spread over them, in a last effort his lips moved slightly, “Light.” Barely a whisper came out but the man heard. He raised his head and stared straight at me. Straight through me. But this was not about him. I bent my head down, and stared into the boy's eyes for one last second before I touched my lips softly to his. In that instant, I felt his life-force coarse through me, innocent, sweet, unknowing. He will have no problem up there. As I sit back, my hands still resting on his fragile frame, I see his light fading from his open, empty eyes and rising, floating as soft as a feather away into the sky, disappearing into better forever. The man tipped his head back, seemingly watching it go, mouth slightly open, his breath caught in his throat. The light reflected in the pain of his eyes and danced down the tears on his face. Whether he could really see it or just sense it I’m not sure. A haunting BANG! Sounded from the distance, sending vibrations through the ground and straight through me, shaking my heart, making it sink lower. I had other places to be. I stood, taking one last look at the scene before me. The man now had his head hung slack, the occasional whimper escaping his mouth. He was still holding the body, clinging on to nothing more than a desolate vessel, a shell of lost hope. There will be so many more. I leave without looking back.

High over the city -or what’s left of it, I pass scenes similar to the one I just came from. Such mass destruction from a single weapon, a press of a button, such sadness. I think back to it surging past me, helpless, unable to interfere. The words inscribed on the side cut into me. Words of such meaning, words showing the twisted side of humanity people want to keep hidden. That love turns to hate, and it’s the innocent that suffer. How ironic: ‘From Beyond, With Love.’