Free Cake

“I can’t deal with you sometimes...like, for the rest of today. Do not try to engage me. At. All. - I'm exhausted from being your parent” Alise, age thirty-two, says to her daughter, Jordi, age twelve. They are crossing the parking lot of the supermarket towards their car.

“Mom - it was a misunderstanding,” says Jordi, who carries a large pastry box.

“You are the smartest person I know - literally -”

“Please - you know I hate that - it’s awful. I know you’re being literal.”

“Point and case. You’re too smart to even be a child anymore...and yet here I am having to dole out money - money we don’t have to spend - to correct some “misunderstanding” that I’m sure only happened because you wanted a cake.”

“I wanted a free cake, yes. The rest was a misunderstanding.”

“Whatever. Change of plans. We are going to aunt Susan's place. I need a glass of wine and you need some cousins to help you eat that…” Alise says, gesturing at the pastry box. “You know it’s not going to taste like a real cake, right?”

Alise remembers the time she and her sister Susan found their mother's bakers chocolate and thought they had hit the jackpot. Disappointment is too small a word for what they felt as the acrid, bitterness melted on their tongues. That's a mistake you only make once. She hopes her daughter's gluten and dairy-free chocolate cake is awful in a similar way.

Jordi smiles. As always, when Jordi smiles, Alise wonders if this was her plan all along. It’s very hard to raise an exceptional child like Jordi. The girl leaves her mother constantly wondering if she is manipulating her and how many moves ahead of her Jordi is at any given time. Exactly like with this cake business.

Alise and Jordi came to the store to get coffee and eggs. Simple staple items. Alise had told her daughter where she was going and Jordi had replied with “I’m just going to look around”.

After paying, Alise had to wander the store looking for the girl. She found her at the bakery, in a spirited debate with a woman wearing chef whites and a hair net. The woman was red-faced and exasperated, Alise recognized the look as one Jordi often evokes from people.

“Is this your Mother?” The woman wanted to know.

“What’s the problem?” Alise addresses Jordi directly.

“Mom - they have a sign for free cake. I asked for it and -”

“It’s gluten free, it’s dairy free - not free! We work hard here - we can’t give away one of our most challenging cakes to make!” the woman deepens to a new shade of red.

Jordi taps the sign in the display case window which sits in front of the only vacant spot among the cakes and pastries, she stares at Alise with eyebrows raised.

Free Chocolate Cake, it reads.

You little shit-disturber, Alise thinks, and rolls her eyes.

“If you keep reading, you’ll see it’s called that because it’s gluten and dairy free. Not because we are giving it away!” the flustered woman says.

“I was distracted by the free aspect,” Jordi says, holding her hands up to her mother, unarmed but for her psychology and weaponized intelligence. “When I asked for the free cake, this nice lady asked me if I wanted anything written on it. I thought that was a bit strange - added value on something free - but, mom, I’m not going to turn down anything bespoke. You know how hard it is for me to find things with my name on it!”.

“She’s destroyed any chance of selling it,” The woman says, visibly taken down a notch from angry, to simply exasperated. Must have been the “nice lady” comment Jordi casually threw into her explanation.

“What does it say?” Alise asks.

“Jordi Rules,” her daughter says, softly.

“Of course she does. It’s a damn dictatorship, too.” Alise states flatly. Then to the baker, “How much is this free cake going to cost me?”

“Twenty-eight plus five for the inscription - Thirty-three dollars” she says.

“Jordi!”

“Listen, mom, you should talk to the manager. They could be going through cakes daily with this kind of misleading signage. They should be happy for the feedback! Plus, as the nice lady says, it’s already inscribed - they can’t sell it now - we should make a compromise on a half-price-free cake.”

“I’d rather not inflict you on anyone else here today…” Alise says, and sees it stings Jordi a little. Good, she thinks. This kid is always getting us into these types of situations.

“Sixteen-fifty, no manager, and you’ll not return to my bakery ever again” the baker concedes.

“Deal,” says Jordi without waiting for Alise to respond.

The woman boxes up the cake rests it on the display and presses buttons on the interac terminal. As Alise pays, she sees Jordi smile as she reaches up to take the box.

The drive to her sisters is quiet. When they arrive, Jordi heads straight to the kitchen where Alsie hears her tell her cousin, Tommy, she brought him something. “To help with the college applications,” she says. The cousins are both applying for college next year, despite the five-year age difference. Jordi has her choice, of course, and likely a full scholarship. Tommy is considering options based on athletics programs. Alise wonders if Tommy is secretly waiting to see where Jordi - child genius - ends up, so he can avoid it. She would not blame him in the least for that, but Tommy is a kind young man, and Jordi idolizes him, he would never hurt her purposefully.

“Oh, You shouldn't have!” Susan exclaims, “This is beautiful!” She laughs at the inscription and ruffles her niece's hair.

“Hey Cuz!” says Kayla, Jordi's other cousin, as she enters the room. A couple of years older than Jordi, Kayla is clever and funny. She jokes about her cousins' superior intellect and says she would never want to be the smartest person in the room. Too much pressure.

The girls high-five as they pass in the kitchen door, Jordi heading to the washroom.

“Awe man - I thought I’d have a bit more time before having to resist cake!” Kayla declares when she sees it, then pouts in her mothers direction.

“Shoot! Sorry, love….more for the rest of us! Muhahaha” Susan mimics a villains laugh. She then explains to Alise that Kayla received a diagnosis of gluten intolerance from her doctor yesterday.

“Well, actually, you're in luck. This is a gluten-free cake...Which one of you told her?” Alise asks and gestures with her chin in the direction of the washroom.

“Oh, me.” Tommy says, “We were texting last night."

“That explains so much.” says Alise, then tells them of the earlier experience at the bakery.

“Holy shit” Tommy says after she finishes.

“Tommy!” Alise and Susan exclaim, in unison, making them all laugh.

“It’s, just - wow.” Tommy says. He looks for a moment as if he has reached a new level of understanding regarding his cousin.

“Jordi Rules!” says Kayla, as her cousin re-enters the room. “Thanks for using your evil genius for my advantage, girl”

“I can’t even pretend to know what you’re going on about '' Jordi replies, then turns her back to the adults, likely winking at her cousin, who stifles a giggle.

Susan pours Alise a giant glass of merlot and gives her the I don't know how you do it look. Alise just sighs and swallows a large amount in her first sip.

Colleges entirely across the country would look better if Jordi were allowed to move away by herself. Unfortunately, Alise will have to move wherever Jordi decides to go.

Alise looks at her daughter and wonders if all of their decisions have already been made for them, engineered by the smartest person in the room.