Forehindsight

I see you, future self, with your eyes fixed on this moment. My moment. Analyzing the choice I am making to step left instead of right. My left hand points me this way with its pencil. A past voice rings in my ears: this is what we’ve always wanted. We’ve been led astray by logic and security. We’ve been on a jet black road for far too long. I want dirt and gravel. Bumps and grit. I want the entirety of this risk in my hands, gripped.

Just remember, you know where this leads. I don’t. I only have a pencil and a voice. Neither has let up. I can’t read that look in your eyes, but you can read the look in mine. I can’t know whether your tears are for sorrow or gratitude.

But you remember this feeling. You know who I am, the sound of my heart in my ears, because these ears were once yours. This heart was once yours.

This heart is still yours. I can only hope you realize I am doing my best with what I know now, what I hear now. I hope one day, whether you agree with this choice where you are or not, you can appreciate what I have done.