Footsteps in the sand

05.06.38

Dear Diary,

I went back again…

You know, to where it all started.

Sometimes when I’m there and I close my eyes, I can almost see it. The way it was…before everything happened.

Do you remember?

God, it all comes back so clearly. Perhaps if I were a more positive person, I could convince myself it’s real.

Do you remember how the waves would crash? The roar which would break across the sky, as they collided with the shore.

I do.

I remember every bit of it, almost as if it were yesterday. That salt-whipped air, and the echoing calls of the swarming gulls. The hot summer sun. Children’s voices clinking across broken seashells. Bright colored bathing suits, sandcastles and the sea foam beneath my feet. Wasn’t it stunning?

Damn. It was so beautiful; it hurts to think about it now.

We were warned. It had been in the whispers for quite some time. You know? That the next war would be over water. How were we supposed to know it would come so soon? I wish we had listened. When the sun failed to set and the moon never returned, I wish we hadn’t fought. That blood and rage, bombs and guns, hadn’t been what we reached for first. I wish for a lot of things…but what’s the use…wishing never got you anywhere.

I remember when we went underground. How the sewers of this city became our home. The world above filled with its burning brightness. Air so thick you could almost choke on it. And then there was nothing left to do but wait. There used to be about thirty of us here. Living in this line of plumbing. It was a numbers game really. As the sun got closer, the old ones went first. It was hard, but not as bad as the young ones. Watching their potential come to an end, was almost as cruel as watching all our resources disappear. It took a couple months, but eventually they were all gone. I don’t know why I’ve lived this long…there’s nothing special about me. In fact, I was probably the least deserving person I knew who survived the end of the world.

But that’s just typical, isn’t it? That the bastards should win. That bitter souls like me would make it. What a waste. I’m sure somewhere amongst the dead there was someone who would’ve thrived in this new-old world. They would’ve done something. Created a well or found some godly technique of pulling water from a stone. Okay…maybe not…but either way, I know that there must’ve been someone who wouldn’t just wake up and spend their days waiting, like I do.

I don’t know what it is that I’m waiting for… I know it’ll never be like it was before. I know that anything that’s going to happen now, will be because I make it happen…and yet…here I am…just waiting.

God…I’ve done it again. Chased down a tangent like I always do. I started this entry because I wanted to tell you about yesterday. At the ocean.

I had closed my eyes and it all came flooding back. I tried to hold out as long as I could. To hold on to that picture. I thought it might’ve given me a bit of hope, but sometimes I’m so sick of living on the images of the past that I force myself to open my eyes and look. And I mean really look. So that’s what I did.

The scavengers have been again. The seabed is full of craters. They stretch out as far as you can see. I think we must be near the end, as the holes are getting deeper. It won’t be long now until there’s no more water to be found. Soon you’ll be able to dig to the other side of the world, and not come across a single drop. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

I didn’t stay too long this time. The suns getting hotter, and the air is so dry my lips bleed just thinking about it. I counted all the skeletons on my way home. There were fifty-three. I don’t know what they are...or what they were...but that’s three more than last time. While I was walking, a thought occurred to me, I think it’s the plants I miss the most. Since the ocean dried up and the rain stopped coming, the whole world is dressed in a million shades of dusty yellow. God, it drives me mad! Stuck on this monochrome planet, just whiling away the time.

Do you know what it’s like? Watching the minutes and hours, come and go. The world is turning, the days are ending, and I’m just sitting here, stagnating. My whole life is on pause, and no matter how hard I search I can’t find a way to turn it back on. It’s almost as if this is all a sick joke, and someone pulled the play button off the TV remote.

I remember how people used to talk in the first couple months after the war. Everyone kept chattering about how things would go back to before. Dark nights beneath the ground, whispering “When it all goes back to normal, I’m going to put ice in my water and just watch it melt.” No wonder we brought on the apocalypse. Here they were, faced with an ending. Centuries of wasting water, taking it for granted, and all they could think of was having the luxury to do it all over again.

I used to think people spoke too much. But what I would give to eavesdrop on a conversation one more time. I miss the noise…that’s right, the noise. There’re no more birds. No screaming kids. There’s no wind, no traffic… Sometimes I talk to myself just to hear something. All those years I used to spend dreaming of being alone. Well, I guess I lucked out. A million acres of land, and not a single person in sight.

In fact…I think I might be haunted.

You see this what I’ve been trying to tell you…

I saw someone yesterday.

There I was, on my way home from the empty ocean, when I looked up and suddenly, they were all I could see. A single silhouette against the sun. It was so beautiful I thought my heart had stopped. Every part of me went numb, and I swear my brain fell out of my head. Before I knew it, I was running. A little shade of desperation in every sandy footprint I left behind. In fact, I didn’t know I could move that fast anymore. I moved so quickly my feet left my body behind, and before I knew it, I had tumbled to the ground. The dust around me flew into the air, and whoever they were, vanished.

Yup…just like that.

I spat out the yellow sand I’d swallowed and pulled myself back up. I even walked over to where they had been, just to look for footprints. But there were none. So, you see, it has to be a ghost. What other explanation could there be?

I sat back down then, baking myself between the earth and the sky. Every part of me was shaking. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted another person until that moment. I probably would’ve cried if my body had any water to waste. I didn’t stay there for long. I’m not that stupid. Sunstroke is deadly these days. A couple minutes longer and I would’ve begun to blister.

But you see, this is where the real hitch comes in…because just as I began to stand up again, something caught my eye. It was sharp and bright. Glinting and gleaming. I reached down and once more; I was awestruck. It was a locket. A heart-shaped, glistening locket. And it was clean. And when I say clean…I mean really clean, as if it had only just been polished. I looked around again. Just in case there was someone there, but I pulled up a big nothing. The horizon was as lonely as I had come to know it to be. I shoved it in my pocket and hurried home.

And here we are.

I’m now stuck in this perpetual Schrödinger’s cat situation. You see, as long as I don’t open that locket, there could be anything inside of it. It might sound a bit dramatic, but having that world of endless possibilities, sounds really good around about now… But then again, maybe there is someone out there. Maybe I didn’t dream it all up. Maybe I’m not haunted…and perhaps, if I dare to open it, this might just be the beginning I’ve been waiting for.

A beginning in a world which already ended.

Clara