Flying Low

“Who was she?” you may ask. She was the one I fell for, the one I fell for at the wrong time. It happened so fast. It’s hard to even put it into words, but here I am. Writing this, in hopes that whoever reads this story will learn a thing or two about heartbreak. Hoping that if they ever experience what I went through, they come back to this story and it’ll help them push forward. She was amazing… We spent so much time together. She meant so much to me. But now I wonder if I ever meant anything to her. She found someone else, leaving me heartbroken. It all started, March 25th: I was just casually taking a walk around the neighborhood, then… I spotted her. And something about her just grabbed my intention. I knew I had to say something. I walked up to her and said “Hey.” I just remember her looking at me with a bit of a confused look, she then replied with a gentle “Hello” “Um, my name is Devin, I don’t know if you know me but we go to the same school… I’m kinda new in town. And I’m looking to make some friends, do you mind if we maybe go grab some lunch?”

“Oh, Devin… yeah I’ve seen you around campus, I’ve just never known your name up until now. Hmm, sure. What about today at 12?” “That works. Hey, what’s your name by the way?” “My name is Vanessa. Oh and um, I know a really good spot. Where do you live?” I was honestly in shock how she just agreed to go to eat with me so quickly. I pointed her to my house. “That blue house right there, you see it?” I told her. “Ah yeah, so I’m assuming you were on your way back home, right?” she replied. I replied with a bit of a nervous tone “Ye-yeah, i uh- i was.” keep in mind, before this i was always a bit of a loser and a shy guy. But something about her just made me go up and talk to her. I don’t know what it was, but I felt like I just had to. “Well, I’ll stop by your house around 12 and we can walk it over there, it’s not that far. How’s that sound? “Gr-Great. I’ll be waiting.” “Alrighty. See you soon.” she said with a smile on her face. I just thought she was so beautiful. Everything about her, the way she looked, the way she talked, her smile, Everything. I remember just waiting for 3 hours for her to knock on my door, until finally, I heard a knock. I went to open the door and saw her there, standing in my doorway, looking so beautiful. I knew from that moment that I would fall for her. We went to lunch, and from there…. Days and weeks went by.

April 9th: This was the day we became best friends. Everything was great, we laughed together, Talked for hours, she made me feel cared for. But- we were just friends. At that time I didn’t feel anything romantic for her yet. At least I didn’t think I did. We sat on a bench at the park. Just talking like we usually would. “No way, so.. Your last crush was way back in 5th grade?” I said to her. “Yeah man.” she replied. “I find that hard to believe.” “How so?” “Well… most people have a lot of crushes in their teen years.” “Well, I’m not most people.” “Right.”

She was right. She wasn’t like most people. She was amazing, she was extraordinary. She was everything I wished for in a woman. I just wish everyday that I could go back in time to make things right. It’s crazy I remember exactly everything we did that day. After sitting on the bench and talking for about an hour, we went to the pier. We had a very deep conversation. Those deep conversations are probably what I miss the most. “I love spending time with you man, you know?” She said to me. “Yeah, I love spending time with you too.” I aid back to her. “Do you ever just worry about the future, like what are you going to do with your life?” she asked me. “All the time. Yeah.” I replied. “Don’t worry. We just have to take it one day at a time. Everything will be just fine.” I said. She smiled and gave me a hug. At that moment, we became best friends. For the first time in my life, I had a best friend. And it felt great. Fast forward to a week later though, we had our first argument.

April 16th: The day we had our first argument. I just remember feeling so bad afterwards. We were at a friend’s house. We were all having a really good time, that was until this happened… We were supposed to go watch a movie after, but she had a change of plans and decided to go with some other friends. And of course, I got pretty pissed off. “Seriously?” I said to her in an angry tone. “What? You don’t like the fact that I have other friends?” She replied. In even more anger, I yelled at her “That’s not the case at all! Stop making me seem like a bad person, this isn’t the only time you’ve done this!”. “Oh my goodness. Shut up! I’m sick of you acting like a child! Stop being so possessive, okay?! I’m your best friend, not something you own!” She yelled back at me. “Fine. go with your other friends, it seems like you enjoy spending time with them more than me.” “Whatever man. Don’t talk to me again if you’re going to keep acting like this.” She walked away, and I just looked in sadness. I felt so horrible, and the worst part is, this was only the first argument of so many more to come. I swear I just wish I could go back in time and just prevent all those silly arguments from happening. I’ve made so many mistakes, so many I wish I could fix. But hurting her as much as I did… I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for that. I was stupid, I was possessive, I was Immature, I was Judgemental. But I really did love her. I never meant to hurt her the way I did. Now that I think of it, it was probably best that she chose someone else. I didn’t deserve her, and she didn’t deserve to go through my nonsense. I’m a mess, people say i’m a good person, but I bet if they were to ask her, she’d think differently. By no means am I saying she never did anything to me either, of course she did. But the thing is, I was so blinded by love that I didn’t see the wrong she was doing sometimes. You see, love is a difficult thing, it really is. It’s not always amazing. It can hurt you, I’m a witness to that.

April 17th: The day after our first argument. I knocked on her door, ready to apologize. She opened the door, we both paused for a brief moment. I finally said “I- I’m sorry. I know what I did was just wrong. I didn’t mean to get so pissed off last night. I’m so sorry.” She simply just hugged me. And it felt great, she was so forgiving and understanding. She forgave me so many times. So many times I screwed things up, yet she forgave me “It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” She said. “Why? You did nothing wrong.” “Yeah I did. I’m a bad friend.” “What? No. you’re not a bad friend at all. You’re my best friend.” She looked at me and smiled, then we went inside her house and spent some time together.

As you can see, we meant a lot to each other. At least I like to think I meant a lot to her. Cause I know she meant a lot to me, even before I started having romantic feelings for her. People say that I should move on. That I should let go of the past, but damn, I really wish it were as easy as they say. I just wish those people were in my position so they’d understand. It’s not that easy to get over someone you loved probably more than yourself.

April 21st: On this day, we literally just hung out all day. We never did that before, we always hung out for hours. But this day, we just hung out the whole time. It’s funny, even before I started falling for her, people would think we were dating. And, I can see why. We’d just laugh it off and tell them we’re just friends. I remember on this day, we went to the amusement park. We had so much fun… It was one of the best days of my life. We ate cotton candy, played games, and joked around. We had such a blast, I just wish I could relive that day again for the first time. I often ask myself, did any of that ever happen? Or was it all just a dream? Did I really meet a person who understood me? With whom I can spend so much time with? Someone I can just simply be myself around? I still can’t even believe it. This day in particular felt like such a dream, It happened so fast. It’s such a painful yet Beautiful memory. There was this one moment in particular, we were walking away from the park. She just put her arm over my shoulder and laid her head on it. She told me “You’re my best friend ever, you know that?” I grew such a big smile on my face. “So are you.” I Replied. We walked away from the park, then went to her house and watched TV. We also ordered Pizza. Everything was just fine. Felt like nothing could go wrong. The next morning came and we both woke up on the couch. She simply went to the kitchen and made some breakfast for the both of us. Nobody had ever treated me so kindly before. It was supposed to be me and her, me and her by each other’s side forever. Why? Why did it have to end? Why couldn’t life just let me have this, just this once. But I guess all good things must always come to an end. Isn’t that what they say? I think to myself everyday, what if I just told her how I felt before it was too late? Or… would it have been better if I just never met her? There’s so many unanswered questions I have. So many regrets.

April 22nd: This was the day I met her other best friend. Yeah, she had two. Me and him. I remember she would talk to me about him often, Saying that we should meet each other, that we’d get along. So on this day, I finally decided it was time I met him. I remember she drove us to his house. She knocked on his door ad introduced us to each other. “Hey, Josh, this is Devin. Devin, this is John.” We both shook hands. “Hey man, good to meet you.” I told him. “You too.” he replied. He was a pretty quiet and chill guy for the most part. So we never had problems with each other really. We got along just fine. We spent a few hours at his house, After that, we out went to eat. It was in a taco truck. The three of us had such a great time. Little did I know we’d become a trio of friends. Look, you might be wondering as you’re reading this, “Whats the whole point of this story?” Well I guess… I just want someone else who has been through a situation similar to mine that they’re not alone. There’s other people who have dealt with heartbreak. I know the pain you feel right now seems like it’ll last forever, but I promise, everything does happen for a reason, a good reason. Maybe we went our separate ways because maybe it just wouldn’t have been healthy for either of us.