“Answer the phone. Answer the phone. I command you to answer it. Answer it!”
“Bobby, who are you talking to?”
“Huh? Mom? Wait—I can’t, I’m—I’m on the phone. I’m trying to see if the store has something in stock but these stupid people aren’t ans—“
“Hello, excuuuuse me? Who you callin’ stupid?”
“Oh, hi. Sorry ma’am. I was just trying to see if you have…”
“Hold on. Transfer.”
“Ye-llow.”
“Hi. I want to see if you have frankincense.”
“Pranking since?”
“Frankincense.”
“Frack acense? Let me check. No.”
“Did you look?”
“Yes.”
“Really? You looked that quick. Like, in a span of one second.
“Yes, mmhmm.”
“Frankincense is that close to you right now.”
“Frank—oh! Hold on. Transfer.”
“Finally. Stupid…”
“Yo, this is Frank”
"Hello?”
“Yes, this is Frank.”
“Frank? Good God.”
“Hello? Frank here.”
“Hi Frank. I was calling to see if you had any Frankincense.”
“Yeah this is Frank.”
“No, Frankincense. Frank as in uh, you, and incense like those stink stick things you light up.”
“You mean like those stink bombs? You want to throw a stink bomb at me, pal? Is that what you’re sayin’?”
“No, incense. I as in Ivan, n as in Nancy, c as in Carl, e as in Edna, n as in Nathan, s as in Sam, e as in Ed.”
“Naw. None of those people are working right now. I think Carl’s coming in at 6:00. Let me check the schedule.”
“No! Frank as in you. And incense. I as in ice cream, n as in napkins, c as in cup, e as in eggs, n as in noodles, s as in syrup, e as in egg rolls.
“Yeah we have all of that here, kid. Hey, look why don’t you just come in and take a gander at what we got, huh?”
“Frankincense. Frank. Like you. Incense. I as in idiot. N as in nutcase. C as in crapface. E as in end my life now. N as in not getting through to you. S as in stupidity and E as in everyone at your store sucks.”
“Oh, Frankincense. Why didn’t you just say that? Yeah we got that. We got loads of it, right up by the register.”
"Great. Is there a chance you can hold on to a box for me?"
"Uhh. Hold on. Transfer."
* * *
© M. Lee / All rights reserved.
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from M. Lee, MFA and writers in Fiction and other communities.
Violence Begets
"Any last words, cowboy?" "None you'd understand, sodbuster." "Funny. That's Marshall Sodbuster to you. But I meant some last nugget that would help us in the adjudication of the myriad offenses counted against you and your gang. I wasn't asking for penitence."
By Adam Diehl4 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
E as in end my life right now 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 God this story was so frustrating and hilarious! Hahahahahahahhaha!