Fever Dream

A triple concerto composed by Beethovan, and a magnificent night ahead of me.

Upon sight of the grand violins, cellos and pianos I had almost forgotten that I deserved to be there. In a decorated hall, surrounded by optimists with promising futures. This night felt like our graduation, filled with the power of an orchestra and various stars of the night.

Before long, I spotted men and woman, dressed in attire both elegant yet sleek, gathered to mark the beginning of our futures, a celebration. I never could have imagined what this moment would feel like.

Is this what it’s like to feel safe?

I found myself pondering. At last, I had subconsciously designed a place that belonged to me. And there I was, in the grand center of the floor. In the upmost epic position.

Upon entrance I was sure to get myself a glass of water. To help keep myself both hydrated and distracted. The simple design of the hall; filled with white lights hanging from the ceiling and wrapped around the several pillars in the room, created an eccentric spectacle.

The ball room only became more crowded as I stood alone. Attendees could be found gathering snacks and refreshments from the dining area. And then there was me, constantly glancing around the space, noticing a black and white theme sported by all of the guests. As well as a matching aesthetic created by the decor and dancing chandeliers. A style both regal and reminiscent of parties thrown in the “roaring twenties”.

It wouldn’t be long before the concert began. Anticipation took over the atmosphere. As I observed the party mingling the night away, flashing lights, photos, drinks and hysteria, something dawned upon me. Something in the crowd was not like the others.

I spent years laying the foundation. Day after day, I built my own defense mechanism. A safe place where only I had access and control. My brains greatest creation, boasting peace as well as autonomy. And it has remained that way for many waning moons and chilling Winters. It would take more than an army to infiltrate a haven as sacred as my mind! My own unique design.

As excitement took over the room, I continued to observe the various attendees. Enamored with their energies and the classic scenery. I realized my glass of water was certainly due for a refill.

The soloists soon began to enter the stage, the lights became dim and the many voices filled with cheer began to fade. Yo-Yo Ma and Anne-Sophie Mutter took their places both front and center, with the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra behind them, all dressed in black.

As the acts finished welcoming the crowd, Daniel Barenboim, the composer, began to guide every pianist, cellist and violinist into a melodic harmony. The audience was fully engaged, putting all outside communications away to give their undivided attention.

It was as if each violin worked collectively to create a sound both lustrous and shrill. Building underneath, an eloquent and sonorous cello. The two weaved together produced an expression that echoed the pride and hollowness that resided within me.

The majestic set and performance mirrored no ordinary symphonic. This was a rare display of talent, precision and passion. Each musician telling their own story through each tone, note and chord.

With my glass of water finished, I started to scan the audience looking for the fountains in the dining hall, when something to my surprise caught my attention. A pair of eyes staring ever so intently upon me. A nearly forgotten, yet familiar gaze, that caused my hands to tremble, my smile to drop, and chills to be sent all over my body.

In just a glimpse the figure blended back into the crowd. My heart began racing against the orchestra. It was time to escape. And yet I felt as if I had become stuck in quick sand.

I soon braced for an exit. The intertwining sounds of the cellos and violins woven together, produced a sound both piercing and phantom, mimicking the heightening ambivalence in my mind.

Everywhere I turned there were more people. And a specter back for the unsettled. Finally, I stumbled upon an emergency exit route. However, not even in my wildest nightmare could I have prevented the inevitable. I was found once more before I could disappear.

I asked; “How did you get here?!”