Feelings That We Hide

On the edge of town, inside a small bakery, two friends enjoying cake and coffee together at 8 in the morning. Onlookers would judge that cake wasn’t part of a healthy breakfast, but they didn’t care. It could’ve been ice cream and coffee, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Rules go out the window when you’re on vacation, or in their case a road trip.

This was the first time Casey and Jamie enjoyed themselves during this trip. In the beginning, it was rough. A lot of driving was involved, not a whole lot of talking, then there was the barn incident followed by the construction of a new highway. No one could say that was a good start to a road trip. However, things were starting to look up thanks to the deliciousness of the cake.

The two reminisced about high school and argued about who had a worse experience. Casey argued about her bookworm attributes and the ability to retain anything she read, which made her a loner. Students often called her teacher’s pet while making fun of her because she was a nerd. Jamie argued the intense pressure of being a football player made high school hard for him. He had a coach that grilled him every time they lost a game and blamed him for his inadequacy. Getting a scholarship came as a great surprise since no one seemed to think he was good enough. In the end, they agreed Casey had the worse experience since she dealt with a lot more bullying.

They were just about done with their cakes when Jamie pulled out his phone and took a picture of Casey.

“What was that for?” The camera alerted her since she had a mouth full of cake and crumbs smeared across her mouth.

“I was taking a picture. It’s our first good memory of this trip, and I wanted to capture it.” Jamie put his phone away.

“Could have at least given me a warning.” She pulled out a napkin and wiped her mouth clean.

Jamie laughed, “Alright, I’ll say cheese next time.”

Casey smiled and pulled out her phone to snap a picture of him. She was just quick enough to get a surprised look on his face and his hand starting to raise to cover the lense.

“Ha! Gotcha!”

“Okay, okay. I deserved that.”

As Casey put her phone away she couldn’t help but look at the background of her screen. It was a picture of her and Jamie on a field trip to the museum during their senior year of school. He had hung out with her the whole trip. It was the first time she didn’t feel so alone. It was also the start of rumors that kids started spreading that the two of them were dating. She had completely forgotten about that.

There were those feelings again. Her heart quickened and her stomach did flips. Why was this happening? Should she tell him about it? When she looked at Jamie, he was busy finishing his coffee and eyeing the baked goods in the display case. If she did bring it up right away, perhaps the rejection wouldn’t be so painful.

“We should probably get going or I’m gonna have another slice of cake.”

“First, I need to tell you something.” Casey took a breath. “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but ever since the beginning of this trip I’ve started to feel something and I don’t know how you feel or if these are just fleeting emotions but I can’t seem to calm them down but I truly value our friendship and I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Casey, what are you talking about?”

“I’m having feelings for you and not just as friends… something more.”

Jamie was quiet.

“If you’re gonna let me down just please hurry up and say it so I can move on.” Her heart was pounding. Never before had she confessed her feelings towards another person. This was a first and waiting for his response felt like an eternity. She kept staring at his face, studying his expression. There was no expression. What was he thinking? Why wasn’t he saying anything? The tension was too much. Casey was starting to feel nauseous and embarrassed. She never should have said anything. All she wanted to do was pretend her long black hair was a cloak and disappear into the shadows. She ruined everything.

“I’m gay.”

“Oh thank God.”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“You’re glad I’m gay? You just confessed you loved me.” Jamie said.

“No, I didn’t. I said I had feelings for you in a non-friendship kind of way.”

There was an awkward silence then bursts of laughter. The conversation went from tense to confusion to awkwardness. What else was there to do but laugh? The two of them got a few weird looks from the employees but they didn’t notice. After they both calmed down, Jamie was the first to speak.

“So you’re in love with me?”

Casey nodded. “I don’t know how it happened. One day I looked at you and my chest started feeling funny.

“For how long?”

“Yesterday?” She shrugged.

“Oh! So not long at all.”

“No. I think it's just a short-term thing. I’ll get over you soon enough.” She winked at him. “So… you’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since 7th grade, so about 8ish years.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“Does anybody else know?”

“Jared might know but I haven’t officially told anyone.”

“What do you mean?”

Jamie shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “I may have accidentally kissed him once.”

Casey choked on the coffee she was starting to sip on. “What?! The quarterback? Your duo partner? The Mighty Two, everyone called you, kissed? When? How?”

“Heh- after a game.” He started sifting his fingers through his hair. “Stakes were high and the game was tied. Everyone was on the edge of their seats as we tried to not let the game go into overtime. He threw it, I caught it, and we won the game. And before all of this, I had been crushing on him for a few months already. We spent a lot of time practicing together and going over strategies. Well when we won, the chaos of celebration ensued. We were both stoked about the win. He came over to give me a hug and just before he pulled away…”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. He looked confused and walked away. Surprisingly, nobody else saw it happen.”

“And he didn’t tell anyone? You’re secret has been pretty well hidden.”

“Yeah, I tried apologizing to him the next day. He was cool about it but said to never let that happen again.” Jamie laughed.

“What about your family?”

“If it were up to me, my family would never know. They need to keep that perfect Christian image.” He said raising his hands to signify apostrophes. “Instead of causing a scene, it’s easier for me to run off to college and disappear, never looking back.”

“That’s why you came with me on this trip? So you didn’t have to be around your family?”

Jamie nodded.

Casey didn’t want another moment to be ruined. It was time to move on to the next exciting thing, but not without more cake. She got up and ordered two more slices of chocolate cake to go. The staff packaged the cakes in a pretty white box. She walked back to Jamie and encouraged him to stand up.

“Time to continue our adventure.” Together they walked out of the bakery, onto the sidewalk towards Casey’s car.

It was later in the morning and more people started to walk around. The streets became busier with cars. Their car was parked on the side of the street along with many other cars. As they got closer, they noticed a suspicious brown package sitting on top of the car. It made them stop in their tracks. They didn’t dare go any closer. From what they could tell, it was a small box no bigger than their own with brown wrapping paper.

“Why is that on our car?” Jamie asked.

“What’s in it?”

“Is it a bomb?”

Casey shook her head, “That doesn’t make sense. Bombs are usually found in abandoned backpacks or briefcases. This must have been misplaced by someone.”

“If that’s the case you go ahead and grab it. You’ll have to look for the owner.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“What if I’m wrong?” Casey looked at Jamie. They weren’t sure if it was the sugar high or being on the road for too long but they were both anxious about the suspicious package. There were plenty of people walking around, it could have been anybody.

A loud voice from across the street shouts at them. “I AM SO SORRY!” A woman, carrying three shopping bags and her purse, was crossing the street towards them. “I forgot my keys inside the store and had to go back. I must have placed my new shoes on the wrong car.” She was beside their car now grabbing her box.

“Oh!” Casey looked at the car in front of hers. Sure enough, it was the same colored car, model, and year. Anybody could have mistaken them. “It’s alright. Just an honest mistake.”

The frazzled lady walked back to her own car. “I’m just glad I reached you guys before you drove off with my new dancing shoes. Ha! Have a nice day!” She threw all her bags in the back of the car and drove off within minutes.

The two of them started laughing again. It wasn’t even 10 o’clock and the day was off to an interesting start.