Emily

I have a soaking wet plan. Dead and floating in these foggy waters of blood for hours, but with a plan. No high hopes, just a simple plan…

Little fish, big fish, swimming in the water, down the river that we go, have you seen my daughter?

My dead Emily…

It’s raining hard, it’s getting dark, I’m getting closer…

Now, let’s talk about life for a minute. Life is the characteristic that separates physical entities having signalling and certain self-sustaining processes from those they don’t. The smallest life unit is defined as an organism, while a sense is defined as the physiological capacity of all organisms that provides data for the perception of life. The hands, the ears, the eyes, the teeth, the nose and the tongue are defined as a living being’s receptors. Receptors are the certain organs that we perceive the senses’ data with and we decode the data’s information in each and every case and in different ways: memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions.

And do you know what other purpose the human receptors serve? The army of nations use them to identify us. They use them to monitor us and to trace us and to track us down and to have us under surveillance and control at all times. They scan our irises and they photocopy our fingerprints and they laser our teeth. They take pictures of our faces and they measure them and they oversee our weight and height. They provide us with IDs, passports, dental and hospital and employment data and bank and civil registration and election eligibility data and all kinds of certificates of births and deaths and marriages and civil partnerships and divorces. They keep archives and they file documents and they create profiles and they attach portfolios and they open records on us: so, at the end of any given day, they know exactly who we are, they know exactly where we’ve been, they know exactly what we’ve done.

What are the nations made of, what are they built upon, where do they put their trust in?

Records… Billions of records on billions of people, tracked down by the end of the day. Every single day and for the rest of our lives. From our very first breath to our very last.

Emily’s last breath on earth was recorded on Tuesday 02/11/2021: the day she was run over by a car outside our house.

My last breath on earth was recorded on Tuesday 16/11/2021: the day I hanged myself.

So, here I’m with my soaking wet plan. Dead and floating in these foggy, bloody waters of Acheron for hours, but with a plan. No high hopes, just a plan. Quid pro quo, tit for tat: a simple trade-off…

It’s almost pitch-black, the rain’s hammering down, I'm almost there: I can hear Cerberus, the hound of Hades, snarling from afar…

……………………………………….

My name is Emily and I have plans. High hopes and big plans. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to smell and taste and touch, I want to love and be loved before I die. Dream on till you can dream no more: I want to Dream and I want to Live…

Now, let’s talk about this life for a minute. Life is not a birth certificate, an ID, a passport or a bank account. Life is not a profile, a picture or a portfolio of you. Life is a sharing memory, a curious thought, a funny feeling, a deep emotion. Life is a misty morning, a buzzy cornfield, the fear of the dark, a helping hand, just holding hands...

I have no recollection whatsoever of what really happened back in November 2011. I don't really know anything about the army of nations and their records that my mother was so obsessed about, but I do know that this will go down on my permanent record:

I'll always love you and I’ll make you proud of me ma…