Easter Eggs in Garbage Bags

“I’ve never forgotten, you know,” she says and tilts her head up towards a kitschy pink and blue sky to avoid meeting his gaze. He imagines she must be looking uncomfortable right now but he could never tell from the projection. “What it feels like.”

“It would be better if you had.” His voice sounds colder than he had anticipated.

“I know.” She’s getting up now, turning her back on the beautiful scenery of wherever it is they were trying to emulate here. California, possibly. Someplace people tend to dream of. “But I just can’t help it.”

He sighs and touches his hair, greasy from his own fingers and the temperature in his cubicle apartment. His projection stands still, doesn’t reflect this motion.

“They can give you meds for that,” he offers and she scoffs.

“Yeah, right. That’s exactly what I need, more drugs.”

He neglects to tell her he’s been taking them for months.

“The world was never this pretty. I think.” She kicks rubble and it lags for a millisecond before it tumbles away. The sound isn’t satisfying to him but he can’t put his finger on why.

“What do you mean?”

“Look at it. Look at me. Do you think this is what I look like?” He wishes he knew. At the same time, he’s scared of the truth. What if she’s hideous? Would he even recognize her?

“Don’t question it,” he says more to himself than to her. “It doesn’t lead anywhere.”

“But I am fucking questioning it!” She stands perfectly still, probably tinkering with the menu. Music starts playing and she resumes motion. She begins dancing half-heartedly to the aggressive, somehow grey-sounding track she chose. He’s not feeling it but approaches her anyway, mimicking her movement.

“Dancing now, are we.”

“How observant you are.”

He could ask her why she’s angry – but he knows, of course. He doesn’t have the energy any more to feel rage.

There’s nothing in the world he wants more than to touch her so he reaches out, imagines the fingers that keep touching his hair could be touching her skin, really tries to imagine away the plastic feel to it, to ignore the artificial softness and dream himself next to her. He doesn’t even know where that would be. Could be five minutes from his place, could be on another continent.

“How do I even know you’re real?” She lets him touch her but she doesn’t reciprocate.

“You don’t. You’ll just have to take my word for it.”

She stays silent for a moment and closes her eyes. He continues to stroke her arm, her hair, wants to embrace her but she breaks away from him, restlessly walking up and down. “This won’t do, this won’t do!”

“This is all we can have for fuck’s sake! What do you want me to do?”

“You? This isn’t about you! I’m sick of this shit, I can’t take it any more. Don’t you see? This is a joke! This is a sorry excuse for life.”

She’s gone still again, back in the menu probably.

“No, no no no,” he pleads, “don’t log off now, please!”

“I can’t take it any more.”

“No, don’t leave me! We can pick a different setting. I found this strange environment, a garbage dump in Armenia.”

She hesitates. “Does it smell?”

“I’m not sure, I haven’t tried it out.”

“Put it on. Put it on, quickly! I need to know if it smells. If it’s vile. It needs to be absolutely revolting.”

“I’m sure it’s disgusting,” he says as he enters the menu with trembling hands. Has he deleted it again? He wasn’t sure why he had downloaded it in the first place. Why would he ever want to go to a garbage dump?

Then he finds it and it loads. It takes ages. It’s clear this file wasn’t officially approved. He wonders if anyone will find out he’s been using illegal environments again, what the punishment would be. He wonders if anyone truly cares.

For a moment he thinks she’s logged off after all and his heart skips a beat, then she sees her, impatiently waiting for the load screen to lift.

The sky turns dark grey and wind starts to blow in his face. The stench hits him immediately and makes him gag. He turns around and sees the trash piling up, hears flies buzzing around and crows in the background.

She’s smiling.

Maybe it’s the first time he has seen her smile at all. He can’t imagine what in the world could make her happy about a pile of garbage in Armenia, yet here they are. Rather, here they pretend to be.

She inches closer to the edge of the enormous mountain of waste. Greenish and yellow-grey liquids ooze out of trash bags and into the ground. There is an expression of true amazement on her face that is distorted slightly by the projection’s inability to do it justice.

He can barely breathe for the fumes but he follows her.

“This is amazing,” she says softly and crouches down.

“No, don’t,” he tries to stop her but she begins to rummage through the garbage.

“It’s not real,” she reminds him. He nods and stands next to her, watching her go through what used to be other people’s belongings, remains of other people’s food, the idea of other lives lived. With the smell biting his nose it’s easier to believe it exists. Somewhere in the world it has to exist. He needs to believe this.

“Shut up!” She has found something.

He tries to hide his disgust as she picks up whatever it is she found. It’s clearly made of metal, though it’s grimy now and has lost its gleam.

She holds it up and almost shoves it in his face. “What the fuck is this?” Her anger is back.

“What is it?”

“It’s a locket,” she spits. “And oh look, it’s fucking heart-shaped.”

“Why is that a bad thing?”

“Such a romantic find, right? This symbolizes with such force it’s hitting me right here, right in the feels, see?”

She rubs her fists under her eyes in a mock gesture.

“I don’t understand,” he says.

“You don’t want to understand, do you? You choose to be this dense.”

“I don’t… I’m not…”

“This was planted. This isn’t trash, this was put here. For people to find. A fucking Easter egg. In an Armenian trash dump. Because nothing is fucking real.”

“Of course, it’s…”

“Save your breath. I’m done here. I’m done. I’m just so fucking done.”

She flings the locket away from her, back onto the pile of trash bags and broken furniture. It doesn’t even make a sound.

“No, wait!”

She stops moving. He grabs her by the arm but she doesn’t react. “Don’t log off!” but she has already flickered away.