Dyrose: (dai.rows)
The fear that sadness/depression will return.
IPA: /dai.ɹœs/
I stare at the dust motes from my sunny vantage point on the floor.
“Do you worry that this is a phase, this happiness? That it’ll disappear one day?” My voice startles the dust into a frenzy.
“Hmm?” You reply, distracted by your book.
“I just worry that my regression is inevitable. Like, what if next time, it’s forever?”
“Everyone has bad days, you can’t be happy all the time.” I hear your book thud as you put it down. I roll so I can see your face.
“Yeah, but I’m not talking about a bad day. I’m talking full-blown, I’m sad and angry and nothing, all at once kinda shit. The, not getting out of bed because you don’t find a reason to, days.” I huff out a breath.
“Dyrose,” you say.
“What?” I frown.
“Dyrose. It’s like ‘morose’, but the prequel, the fear that the happiness you have will be replaced with something bad.”
“Huh,” I roll to stare at the ceiling.
“I know it is easier said than done but it’s always best to cherish what you have, even in the face of the fear that you'll lose it. Happiness is valuable and deserves to be enjoyed. Flowers die in Winter but they always come back in Spring, enjoy them whilst they're here.”
“When did you get so philosophical?” I quip. You shrug.
“I dunno, I read a lot?” You smile as you resume reading.
I go back to soaking in the sun while it lasts.
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Obsidian Words
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Comments (3)
This is a bittersweet little story, and something I’ve been learning to surrender to. I absolutely love that you compared it to seasons, because we as humans most definitely go through seasons of our lives. “I just worry that my regression is inevitable. Like, what if next time, it’s forever?” This is universal. I’m convinced we all ask ourselves, What if it never stops? Not all of us about depression, but everyone is haunted by something in particular that always seems to return. “I go back to soaking in the sun while it lasts.” Perfect ending. 💗
Important.
Boom. It has so much power, this little vignette. I like how the sun holds a dualistic symbolism here, that of serene happiness, but also, momentary and doomed to end. A great word, too.