Dreamer - Chapter 31

I watched as Rev just walked away, wanting to say something out to him but I couldn't allow the words to escape my tongue. I peeked back through the window just as my father shown a small movement with his hand, a small smile quickly growing across my face. "Dad!" I said excitedly, standing up and running towards the door.

"Hold up a second," a doctor called out towards me, "What do you think you're doing, young lady?"

Without turning around I responded, "I was trying to see my father."

"Hasn't anyone gotten around to inform you that he needed a bit of rest before he had visitors?"

"He's awake. I saw him- his hand move slightly. If he woke up, I want to go see him." I went to open the door but a hand grabbed ahold of mine and peeled my fingers off the knob.

"He has to rest first," said the doctor. I looked back to notice a pair of light brown eyes staring back at me. His soft brown hair had been combed back with a short, edgy strand trying to run into the complete opposite direction on top. "If it was up to me, I would let you see him," He told me, "Trust me. I understand the agony of having a family member in the hospital and nobody letting you see them."

"I doubt that." I said back to him quite snarky-like, leaning up against the door and looking back at the doctor who looked a bit young to be in the gig he was in. "You seem a bit young to be a doctor," I took a glance at his nametag on lab coat, "Trevor."

"It's T, and I'm actually just an intern." He answered, "Otherwise, I'd have to tell you to please go wait back in the waiting room if you wanted to be so impatient." I couldn't help but snicker at the attempt he had to use a more grown up tone with me.

"Don't you have somebody else who's staying at this hospital?" He asked me. I shot him a confused look, pretending like I had no idea what he was talking about. "Don't you have a boyfriend staying here? I could've sworn I've seen you around." He proceeded to ask.

Shit. I had to say something back. "He isn't a boyfriend," I replied, "That's just some guy I happen to know."

"So.. if he isn't a boyfriend.. does that mean you're available?"

No. It does not. "Maybe." I mentally slapped myself across the face for that answer. I'm not available. "I'm.. uh.. it's complicated."

"If you go on a date with me, maybe I'll give in and let you go see your dad." He smirked.

He cannot be serious. "Are you attempting to give me an ultimatum?"

"No." He scratched the back of his neck, "I was just-"

I noticed his cheeks turn beet red as he mentally searched for the words to cover up his tracks. I completely understood how he felt. It's the same feeling I get whenever I'm around Rev or Ace. "Whatever," I said to him, "I just really want to see my father, and don't have anything else to do so, yes."

"Great." He smiled, "How's Saturday for you?"

I gulped. Why'd he have to say Saturday? I let off a silent nod without thinking. Rev wouldn't mind.. right? He wouldn't completely kill me if I made other plans that didn't consist of being with him, would he? Not with Ace caring about me the way that Rev claimed. I noticed T smiling, writing something down on a small slip of paper just before he handed it to me. As soon as he walked away, I looked down to find a phone number written on the slip; what have I done? I slipped the piece of paper into my pocket before walking into the room. Maybe he'll just forget about me. There was no way I was about to tell Rev I agreed to another plan for Saturday. Not with him waving a gun around, shooting anything that gets in his way.

I ran my hand over the bed that my dad laid on, "Dad?"

He just laid there silently; his eyes closed, his shoulder bandaged in white.

"Dad, I'm sorry." I told him, "I shouldn't had done it. I should've told you that someone else was in our house. I should've told you about him in the first place. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, dad. This was my own fault. If I just aid something.. you would have expected him to be the kind of person that he was." I felt a small tear slide down my cheek, "I can't lose you, dad." I found myself falling to the side of the bed as my knees gave out and all I wanted to was scream. My hand fell onto the thin blanket covering him and I squeezed his arm, a couple tears escaping here and there, "I don't know how many times I'll have to say I'm sorry to forgive myself for letting this happen to you."

I sat on my bed holding onto the stuffed bear mommy once gave me. Tears had fell down my cheeks as I watched daddy talk to the police officers in the living room from my doorway. I couldn't lie to him. I know I promised Tyler to never say a word about what happened, but I just can't lie to my dad. He caught on that something was up the second he saw me; I think it was the clothes I wore when Tyler took me home. Tyler tried his best to keep me looking nice and clean just like I did when I first went over to his house, but I don't think he noticed the stains he left afterward. Daddy told me that it probably revealed itself after I put everything back on, but it scared me so much. Tyler scared me so much. I truly believed he was a good person. He was supposed to be my best friend. He was supposed to be the one person I was able to count on to protect me when I didn't have my dad by my side. Best friends are supposed to protect each other.. not destroy one another.

A small tap hit my door, giving me a startling jump, "Princess?" Daddy's voice was so soft, the way it gets whenever he felt the need to comfort me, "The officers want to see you."

I squeezed my teddy bear tighter, "Why?"

The door opened and dad stood in the opening. The light behind him outlined his body so that all I was able to see was a shadowy figure. "They just want to have a bit more detail. I'll be standing next to you the entire time," He held out his hand and I hesitated before grabbing it, "We all just want you to be safe, Princess." Out there, the officers had been standing by the front door with a pen and notepad in their hand. The car in the background had Tyler sitting in the back, who was staring right at me. It was in that moment that I felt my life was completely finished.

A hand ruffled up the hair on the top of my head, "It'll never be your fault." His voice was soft, the way it gets when he wants to comfort me, "I never want you to blame yourself for these things." He used a thumb to wipe a tear off my cheek.

"I was the reason he was there tonight."

"It's still not your fault." He replied.

"It is," I said to him, "I will never let you tell me otherwise how this wasn't my own fault."

"You weren't the one that pulled the trigger. That was him. That was all him."

"But I knew he had the gun," I said before the words even processed in my head, "I knew he had the gun and I didn't do anything to alert you in time. I was too focused on keeping his identity a secret that I couldn't even realize the danger I had put you in."

"Princess?" That word began to rub me the wrong way, but the way he spoke to me was breaking my heart. It felt as if he didn't know who I've become anymore. Almost as if I was slowly turning into a stranger before his eyes, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Did you know he would pull out the gun?"

"I should've expected it."

"But did you know he would've taken it out?" His eyes narrowed on me in a protective fatherly way.

"Of course not," I answered, "No sane person would pull out a gun for no reason."

"There," He let off a smile, "It isn't your fault."

I let off a weak smile. A small part of me still believed that I could've prevented this, but he wasn't about to let on with having me believe it was my fault. "Fine."

He cupped my cheeks with his palms, "Was he really your friend from the night we moved in?"

"He wasn't a friend that night."

A look of confusion shot across his face.

"Dad, what I'm about to tell you is going to sound crazy.. but you have to believe me."

"I will always believe you." He stroked my hair and let off a smile, "You're my angel, Alexis."

"I-" I stopped myself. What the hell was I about to do? There was no way I was about to tell him the truth. Was there? I glanced back at my father who was smiling back at me. You're my angel, Alexis. An angel would have never done any of the things that I have done, dad. An angel would have never allowed for a man like Rev to shoot you; hell, an angel would never have let a guy like Rev enter her life the way that I had. An angel would have never shot a goddamn horse for no actual reason. An angel would have never agreed to grab the gun and enter that barn the way I did. An angel would have never fallen for a guy like Ace. I'm not an angel, dad. I'm a monster. I've always been a monster. That's why every bad thing has always managed to find me; if it wasn't for me, mom may still be by your side. She was your angel. The real angel. Mom was able to bring happiness to those around her by flashing her big, bright smile. She was your angel, dad. I'm just Alexis Kiele; nobody special. For God's sake, I chose a guy I barely even knew over my best friend.

"Alexis?" He reached up to wipe the tears off my cheeks once again, but I swatted his hand away before standing up again.

"It's nothing," I told him, "I think I need to get some sleep.. I'm just going to head home."

"What did you want to tell me?"

"It was nothing special." I walked towards the door, "Get some rest, dad. The doctor had informed me that you needed it."

✿✿✿

By the time I was back home, I was exhausted. It was seriously a long day. Today felt as if it had gone by for decades; I just thought I'd start school today when I first woke up.. not ending the day at the hospital praying for my father to be alright.

The house felt so lonely and dark the second I walked inside. When dad was there, I felt safe; almost as if I was able to do anything without fear of putting myself in danger. Now, I just felt.. alone. I plopped down on the couch and pulled out my phone, fiddling with the touch screen as a call came on screen. Michael.

"Michael?" I placed the phone to my ear.

"Is it a good time?"

I nodded before I forgot he wasn't actually in front of me to see gestures, "Yeah, why?"

"Nobody else is with you, right?"

"I'm just at home so.. I hope not." I looked around the room. God, I really hope nobody else was here.. hiding behind something waiting for the perfect opportunity.

"Just you and your dad?" He chuckled.

"He's not at home.. it's just me." I gulped.

"Where'd your dad go?"

I could tell Michael the truth, right? Obviously, he already knew about Rev and Ace. Sadly. No. No, I can't. He can't actually know the truth. Not the real truth. It'll just make him freak the fuck out. He'll worry. I can't put him through that. Not right now. "He's at the hospital," I decided to say, "There was a small kitchen mishap. You remember how he loves to goof around with the knives." I let off a light chuckle hoping Michael couldn't catch the lie in my voice.

"It wasn't that Ace guy, was it?" He asked me, "Just a minor kitchen mishap?"

"Ace is still in the hospital, Michael. It couldn't had been him." I informed him. It was just the last guy you were on the phone with, Michael. That guy who gave you absolutely zero introduction of himself.. but no, it wasn't Ace.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

"You can always ask me something. Why did you even bother asking me if you could?"

"Why are you hanging around guys like Ace?" He asked. Crap. I was hoping he never asked me those questions. Ever. I would've preferred him to question who had been on the phone earlier; it would've been a lot easier to find an answer if he had.

"I- I don't know." My mind went blank.

"You have the best life, Lex. Yes. Your mother passed, but your father cares about you. I care about you. We want only the best for you, and it worries me to think about how you're so far away hanging around people like Ace; putting yourself into danger and maybe even getting killed."

"I can do what I want, Michael."

"I know," He answered, "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't."

"Didn't you say say that even Ace had gotten shot?"

"But I won't get hurt," I told him, "I'll manage to keep myself safe." I wasn't about to tell Michael about the little information I received earlier tonight; he didn't need to know that Ace would do anything to protect me.

"I'm still going to worry." He told me. I knew from his tone of voice that he had his dorky little smirk going on right now. At least he isn't that pissed at me for hanging around them.

"You do just that." I smiled.

"You are alright now, right? With your dad being in the hospital and all, you didn't want to stay at the hospital?"

"I just needed to get some rest after the long day I had. He also needed to get some rest, as well." I responded. I didn't really feel the need to tell him that I only left my father to avoid telling him what's really happening with me. "Why did you decide to call me, Michael, after all the bullshit I've put your through lately?"

"You're still my best friend." He said, "I still care about you, even after everything you put me through.. I'll always consider you my best friend."

I couldn't help but smile at his comment. "Well, best friend, I really do need to get some sleep."

"You're really going to leave me?"

"Yep." I said jokingly before letting out a laugh, "You can always spam my messages until I wake up."

"Deal."

"Bye Michael."

"Bye Lex."

With that, we both hung up and I placed my phone down on the box that dad must've placed in front of the sofa to use as a coffee table. We really do need to get our furniture. It feels weird to live in a house that holds more boxes than household items; this house doesn't even feel like a house at the moment. I knew I could've walked to my bedroom, but I just curled up on the couch and propped my head up against the arm rest; placing my hand under my head as a little pillow. My eyes scanned the room from where I could see and I couldn't help but realize how terrifying this house was when you're alone; or maybe the thought of Rev murdering both of his parents in this same house was starting to get to me. The only thing I wanted to know was the why; what was his motivation? Why did he let himself do it? I knew I'll probably never have a chance to get the answers to these questions, but I was the one who got this truth out of him so.. this feeling was sort of my own fault. Why couldn't I just keep my damn mouth shut? Just keep your mouth shut and keep the dangerous ones out; these are some things I'll never figure out how to do.