Dream a Little Dream...

So is she really coming or are we just waiting around?

She said she'll meet us here and she will.

I'm just saying...

What time did you say we'd be here?

Quarter after ten.

Well it's just ten after. You walked fast.

You walked slow.

Oh who could keep up with you? You play tennis like a gazelle.

Yeah but his serve is not much. I would rather play with a gazelle.

A pretty gazelle's about all you're going to get to play with.

Oh as if you can hit all the balls...

At least I have 'em.

Gentlemen, it's good that you get this talk off your chests BEFORE she gets here. Please.

I'm gonna order.

Shouldn't we wait until she gets here?

I can't wait. I'm hungry.

You're always hungry.

I haven't eaten yet. Intermittent fasting.

Get me a double double. You owe me one from last week.

It's a quarter past now.

Keep your shirt on. She knows we'll be here for a while. Besides, how many minutes of us can a classy lady take?

Food for thought there. We are a handful.

And that's a mouthful. Wher did you two meet?

In a bereavement walking group.

Ah! Not bad. The Oakville one?

Right.

Maybe I should switch to that one. I keep hoping, but the Burlington one's mostly guys. And none of the gals seem interested.

Maybe it's your approach.

Waddya mean?

Well you remember asking girls to dance in high school don'tya?

Vaguely. It's been a while.

Vaguely? There's your problem. You should remember that vividly.

Yeah you're not gettin' any of them cognitive potholes are ya? I'd hate to be your bridge partner if ya are. Though I'd be glad to take your money at poker.

Very funny. Waddya mean?

Well by ourselves we tend to be ... a bit abrupt. That's the word I want.

Well how does it even work these days? I got married forty-five years ago. Things were different then.

I think the guy still pays.

Of course he pays. Think of all she spends to go out. Hair, makeup, clothes. A guy gets a ten dollar haircut and puts on a decent jacket.

You have to get a haircut? With what you've got on top of that billiard ball?

Hey he still has to get it buzzed.

You oughta know. You go to that fancy place. What' they call it?

The New York Men's Grooming Salon of Burlington.

That's it. I hear they got the Frank Sinatra radio station playin' all day.

I hear they have a big poster signed by the Rat Pack.

Yeah. That's on account of an almost haircult for Tony Bennett.

What'd ya mean almost?

Well every week the maitre D of the Royal York drives here for his haircut. He loves the place.

Well you must love it too at those prices.

He gets extra stuff done.

What extra stuff?

You know, eyebrows, ears, pedicure, nose waxing

Nose waxing?

Yeah, they put hot wax up your nose then they yank the nose hairs out.

They yank 'em out? Doesn't that hurt? Why'd you do that?

It's for my videos. No one wants to look at a nose hair.

Oh look Chris musta gone too. Not a nose hair in sight. Well this lady must be something!

But what about Tony Bennett?

He was performing in Toronto.

Yeah I heard that.

He needed a quick trim before the performance.

The maitre D says he knows the perfect spot.

Bennett say okay but he's gotta have the place to himself.

The maitre D phones the Grooming Salon. They say okay they'll close for the afternoon. No one but Bennett and the master barber.

Master barber. How do you get that anyway? That designation?

Three thousand shaves and ten thousand haircuts.

Geez.

Let him finish the story.

Well Bennett ran out of time and he didn't show. So they lost an afternoon's business. Four barbers, four hours. So to make it up, Bennett sent the poster. Signed by the Rat Pack.

Geez.

I could go for the pedicure if a woman did it.

Check.

What about the nose hair?

A woman does that too.

A petite woman or the kind who could send a shotput halfway across the lake?

But doesn't it cut into your budget? What about beer?

You know I'm diabetic. I don't drink.

Oh I've seen you with that cute little Mexican bottle. You stuff the slice of lime in the bottle, hold it with your thumb, turn it upside down, turn it right side up again, then you push the lime into the bottle. Slick. Seen you lots of times.

It's the alcohol free version.

Oh.

Look! Here he is, and oh, there's something different.

Here's your coffee.

Thanks. You've added guacamole. Charge you extra for that?

No. Why?

Last night I ate dinner at the Schnitzel House.

Good spot.

I like the pork Schnitzel

With the Spaetzle.

Well she asked would I have soup or salad with my Schnitzel? I said salad. She said there's a three dollar surcharge.

Geez what for?

For the price of the lettuce.

Man yeah lettuce has gone through the roof.

Why?

Tariffs. Mexican lettuce.

So ergo, therefore, and hence I deduce your avocado was NOT grown in Mexico.

No it musta come from Venezuela and it's free.

Good one! Touche.

Pass the ketchup.

Here you go. It's a food group all by itself.

Look at the time! It's after ten thirty. Is she a no-show?

I told you he made her up. You didn't have to do that...

I have NOT made her up!

Okay no need to get touchy. And you leave him alone. You know he's sensitive. It goes with his intelligence and his skill at bridge. If she's running late maybe she left you a message. Like maybe on your cell phone.

I don't have a cell phone.

I have one.

Where is it?

In a drawer. I keep it charged.

Why would you have a cell phone in a drawer?

In case the power goes off or Bell is down and I have to make a stock trade.

But check your phone for a message.

It would have beeped.

Is the sound on? I'm sure you turned the sound off for bridge last night.

Oh geez yeah. Here it is. She's running late but she'll be here. She hopes I don't mind.

Well text her back!

What did you write?

See you soon.

Good. Friendly, not sentimental.

I can't text. My thumbs are too big.

Oh you're all thumbs. Yesterday at bridge you knocked the bidding box over. Took fifteen minutes to put the cards back in order.

Oh look at the door. Is that?

That's her.

Stand up, stand up!

She's a looker!

A dream!

A vision!

Gentlemen, sorry I'm late.

Oh not at all. We were just catching up.

We understand you two met at a bereavement walking group. We're sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Are some of you widowers?

All of us.

I can recommend the bereavement walking group.

I'm switching to the Oakville group.