Dr. Who/Three Stooges

London (Somewhere in England)

It all began when Moe took a job in London, it was a job that didn't pan out, something about their job performance being underwhelming, to which Curly made the remark that their work was always underwhelming or mediocre at best, which didn't make the tall, well dressed man that towered over him very happy.

“Look mister,” Moe pleaded as he went into a prayer pose, “can you just pay us for the day?”

“Why should I?” The well dressed man barked so close to Moe's face their noses were touching. “Over a 12 hour work day you three did maybe 12 minutes of work... collectively!”

“That's a lot for us!” Curly let out, even as Moe hissed into his ear to shut up.

“Please,” Larry took his turn at pleading, “just give us one more chance.”

“Oh,” the well dressed man was a bit of a softie, “fine. But if the same thing happens tomorrow, you guys are through!”

“Oh goodie, we get another chance!” Curly began to dance in place, not realizing that his suspenders got caught on some piece of the scaffolding; as he moved forward, the scaffolding tipped over making a complete mess, undoing the mere 12 minutes of work they did do 50 times over.

This only made the well dressed man fume and pull out his shotgun, which he had conveniently handy

“I think we'd better get out of here!” Larry suggested, as he looked for an exit.

“I think you're right!” Moe followed Larry's lead.

“Guys, wait-a-minute! I'm still stuck!” Curly's suspenders were still stuck on the scaffolding, and he began to drag it along with him, thus making an even bigger mess. “See?”

“Quit your clowning,” Moe pulled Curly loose from the scaffolding, he looked back to see the well dressed man holding the shotgun in their direction, Moe's hair was officially standing on end, as a warning shot was fired, “and let's get outta here!”

They ran for several blocks, then decided to stop and catch their breath. “I think we lost 'em.” Larry wheezed as he looked back.

“We lost them?” Curly groaned. “We lost us!”

Paranoia began to swell up inside Moe, as he noticed two people behind him. “We need to hide. Maybe we should call the police.”

Curly blinked as he saw a blue object tucked away in the alleyway behind a building. “Hey guys, look!”

“Not now,” Moe whined, “they're right behind us.”

“You wanted the police,” Curly motioned towards the object in the alley.

“Yes,” Moe played along, but didn't look to where his brother was pointing.

“We're standing in front of a Police Box.”

“So we are!” Moe finally looked into the alleyway and tapped Curly on the forehead. “There may something inside that head of yours yet.”

“I wonder how it got there!?”

Moe noticed a sign on the door and began to read it. “Police Telephone. Free for use of public.”

“That means us,” Larry stopped to think, “right?”

“Of course it does!” Curly began to get antsy as the footsteps came even closer. “Come on! Let's go inside.”

“You already know we're all not going to fit in there!” Moe barked.

“Sure we are if we all squeeze in real tight.” Larry suggested.

“Whatever we do, we'd better do it fast,” Moe could hear footsteps moving closer and closer, he pushed at the door and stepped inside, “what the--?”

“What's the matter now?” Larry asked.

“You guys ain't gonna believe this!”

“Believe what?” Larry stuck his head inside. “Oh, wow!”

“Oh wow what?” Curly was curious as to what was with the structure that the other two were so awestruck by. He began to push at the other two. “Let me see! Let me see!”

“Stop your pushing!” Moe said as they all toppled over one another and into a room that was impossibly bigger than a Police Box should be able to contain. It gave an eerie white glow, emitted a mild humming sound and had a rather large octagonal console with hundreds of switches. “What... in... the... world?”

---

The footsteps that Moe could hear moved closer and closer still. But the steps weren't rushed; rather they were slow and methodical. All at once the footsteps stopped just short of the Police Box. The figure was a man visibly in his mid-30's with brown curly hair, a long brown coat, a multi-colored scarf and a wide-brimmed floppy fedora. A look of frustration came to his face as he stare at the open door and looked back to the woman who was a few paces behind him; a woman in a primitive leather dress and boots and with long reddish-brown hair and dark eyes.

“Leela!”

“Yes Doctor?”

“When I sent you back to the TARDIS to retrieve the items I wanted you to get, did you remember to lock the door?”

“Of course I did,” Leela said, “in fact I locked it twice.”

“Twice?” The Doctor parroted with a blinking of the eyes. “Twice?”

“Yeah, I turned the key to the left until it could turn no more, then I turned it to the right,” a look of concern washed over Leela's face, “did I do it wrong?”

“So, the TARDIS door should be closed and locked, correct?”

“Of course, Doctor!”

“Then tell me why the door is wide open and there is movement inside?”

“INTRUDERS!” Leela pulled out her 9 inch long dagger and held it out ready to attack. “I will slay them where they stand!”

“Now there's no need to be...” the Doctor noticed that Leela was already inside the TARDIS, “...rash.”

---

“DIE!!!” Leela yelled out as she flung herself through the air and her dagger caught the light, she grabbed Curly, holding his head in her arm and the dagger up to his neck.

“Help!” Curly yelped before he began to squawk like a turkey.

“Now listen lady,” Moe pleaded, with his hands held out to indicate he wasn't out to be a danger, “we didn't mean no harm.”

“LEELA!” The Doctor called out as he entered the TARDIS. “Put that silly thing away.”

“It's not silly!” Leela corrected, as she examined the dagger. “This is one of my best daggers!”

“I SAID...” The Doctor wanted to yell at Leela to no end, but he realized that she was only giving into her savage instincts, and not the more rational thinking he was trying to teach her, which she never seemed to fully understand. He switched to a softer, but still upset with her tone. “I said put it away.”

“Please lady,” Moe pleaded, “do as he says. My brother doesn't mean you no harm, and neither do I!”

“We had someone chasing us, we saw a Police Box,” Larry continued, “all we wanted to do was call the police. Honest!”

“Should we believe that story?” Leela continued to hold the knife against Curly's neck.

“I've seen you go overboard on things,” the Doctor knocked the dagger out of Leela's hand with a single swing of his scarf, “but this takes the cake!”

Now that he was free from Leela's grasp, Curly quickly scurried over to where Larry & Moe were.

“It's OK,” Moe said as he tried to comfort his brother, “I won't let that mean old wench touch you again. If she does, I'll poke her eyes out!”

“You wouldn't dare!” Leela stare at Moe with her deep dark eyes, and let her lips curl up like she were a wolf in the midst of a snarl.

“I wouldn't huh?” Moe stuck two fingers out and poked Leela in the eyes.

“OW!” Leela jumped back, but only slightly.

“Serves you right!” Larry mocked.

“ENOUGH!” The Doctor fumed, he turned Leela towards the living quarters, and began to talk to her as one would speak to a child. “You, go to your room.”

“But Doctor--.” Leela pleaded.

“Hush! Hush!” The Doctor put his finger to his lips with one hand, while pointing to the quarters with the other. Then let out a yell. “K-9!”

“Yes master,” a little tin dog akin to a box on wheels with a dog shaped head rolled through a door that lead to the living quarters.

“I want you to stand guard outside Leela's room with her in it, don't let her out until I speak with her. Do I make myself clear?”

“Perfectly,” K-9's ears twitched.

“Good.”

“Fine,” Leela finally gave in, sheathed her dagger and moved towards her quarters, “I'll go, but you're making a big mistake with these three!”

“Bye-bye!” Larry, Moe & Curly waved their hands in the air as Leela went away.

“Now,” the Doctor turned back to the threesome, “to deal with you three... uh, gentlemen.”

“Oh no!” Larry let out. “We're not gentlemen!”

“Our father would turn in his grave if he ever heard you call us that!” Moe added.

“Look at all this stuff,” by this time Curly was over what Leela had done to him and was wandering around the console, mesmerized by the colorful lights & switches, “I could play with these for days!”

“Don't touch anything!” The Doctor said in disbelief. “If you hit the wrong button or switch at the wrong time, you could wipe us all out of existence!”

“Psaw,” Larry said with a wave, “he doesn't know what he's talking about.”

All at once the TARDIS made a sound. Not the usual rhythmic scraping sound, it made when taking off or landing, but this was more intense and even deafening. There was also the sensation that the air was being removed from the room; which it was.

“Doesn't know what he's talking about, huh?” Moe said as he yanked at Larry's hair.

“Ow!” Larry gasped, but noticed he didn't breathe in much air. Now he was getting worried.

“I need for you to tell me what buttons or switches you pushed,” The Doctor pleaded with Curly.

“I dunno, all I know is I pushed a whole lot of them.”

“We have precisely 30 seconds for you to remember which ones you pushed, otherwise all of the air will be sucked out of the TARDIS, the walls will fold in on themselves and we will cease to exist. Now think, man think!”

“Mister,” Moe whimpered out, as his breathing grew heavy, “you're asking for the impossible!”

---

Leela sat on the edge of a wicker chair sharpening her dagger with a grindstone when she felt the air being sucked out of the room. She looked at K-9 who was standing guard at the door to her quarters, “what's going on?”

K-9's antennas on the top of his head twirled back and forth. “It would seem as though the air is being sucked out of the TARDIS!”

“I know that,” Leela had so much trouble breathing that her throat was getting hoarse, “but why?”

“I do not have enough data to formulate an answer.”

All at once Leela could feel the walls coming in on her. “Maybe you should go and find out.”

“The Doctor said--.”

“The Doctor said not to let me out,” Leela collapsed to the floor, “I'm clearly not going anywhere!”

All at once K-9 had a decision to make. The first was to stand guard over Leela, thus obeying orders, but letting her die in the process. OR go against the Doctor's orders, leave Leela unguarded and be the hero. Then again; K-9 wasn't programmed with the hero complex, not yet anyway -- yet he found himself moving towards the console room with haste.

---

K-9 arrived into the console room to see the three intruders leaning up against the wall passed out with their eyes open, frozen in the position of gasping for the last bit of remaining air.

“K-9!” The Doctor having a greater lung capacity and a slightly higher tolerance to the lack of air lay sprawled out on the floor unable to make himself move. Around him the walls began to shimmer out of existence. “Reset the controls to their default positions.”

“Doctor, which ones?”

“ALL OF THEM!”

“Affirmative.” A long antenna extended from the middle of his eyepiece and made connection with his designated contact point on the console. Lights blinked, switches moved to their default settings, and the walls stopped closing in on themselves. As that happened, air began to rush back into the room.

---

Leela discovered she was able to move again, albeit awkwardly. She moved towards the console room.

“Help those three.”

“But Doctor, they are the ones who are responsible for what happened.”

“We'll talk about who's responsible later,” the Doctor looked at Leela, “for now, I need you to attend to those three.”

“Understood,” Leela raised her dagger over them.

“Not with that!” The Doctor pointed to the oxygen tank in the corner of the room. “That!”

“If you say so,” Leela turned the nozzle on the oxygen tank and took turns holding the oxygen over each of their faces.

Moe was the first to regain consciousness, he shook the feeling of dizziness away. “What happened?”

“He did,” Larry nodded his head towards Curly, he started playing with the control switches.

“Now I remember,” Moe said, “but I also remember you encouraging him to go against the Doctor's warnings!”

“So I did.”

“So,” Leela couldn't help but hearing the conversation, “you admit what you did?”

“Listen lady,” Moe looked around, “I'm not the one who left the door to this contraption unlocked to begin with!”

“He's right, you know,” the Doctor was again able to move about, “if you would have locked the door when you got your stuff, we would have simply come across them outside the TARDIS, and none of what happened would have happened.”

“But it did happen,” Leela hissed, “they are intruders. My people slay intruders.”

“We are not with your people anymore,” the Doctor stood between the three and Leela, “remember that.”

“Lissen,” Moe pleaded, “I think the people we were running from has given up and the crisis Curly created is past.”

“Could you just be kind enough to let us go?” Larry added.

“Please?” Curly was now the one in the prayer pose.

“Of course I'm going to let you go,” the Doctor hit the switch that opened the doors to the outside.

“But Doctor--.” Leela protested.

“On thing we do not do on the TARDIS is hold people here against their will.” The Doctor demanded. “Whenever you three are ready you three may go.”

At that Larry, Moe and Curly quickly moved out of the TARDIS. When they were a few feet away, the doors closed behind them, and there was the gentle whining it made when it took off.

“Look at that,” Curly blinked at the spot where the Police Box once stood, “like it was never there!”

“And we were never here!” Larry suggested.

Moe looked up to see the well dressed man finally catching up to them. “But guess who is!?”

“Which direction do you want to go?” Curly asked.

“Any direction that takes us away from this guy! Come on!” Moe yelled as the three ran and kept on running and running and running. But unbeknownst to them, the well dressed man watched them go until he could see them no more, then turned and went back to the estate that the three had made a massive mess of.