DOOM, ROBERT, THE GOOD DOCTOR, HARRIET, AND THE DICTIONARY

Doom was sitting in a room with a robot and Doctor Samson; how old he was no one knew. He had an old pipe that he puffed at and crossed his legs while sitting on the couch. Doom shifted in the couch facing adjacent to the Doctor and lit some candles.

“I don’t like artificial light.” Said Doom.

“All light is artificial, to some extent” said the robot.

All three said nothing for a while then then Doctor Samson piped up, “Well, it’s got a point, you know?”

“It?” said the robot. A button atop his head flashed a sort of dull red, and then continued, “My name is Robert – I am more human than you are!”

“Ok Robert, don’t get too hot headed. Remember what happened last time? I don’t want to have to take you back down to the drawing room again” said Doom.

“But Sir, my plans have already been designed…”

“Shut up, Robert” said Doom.

Robert, being programmed as he was he didn’t say a thing.

“Say, that’s a nice piece of equipment you’ve got there” said Doctor Samson.

“You like it?”

“Yeah, it shut up just when you told it to”

“Yerp, programmed it that way. He won’t say a word until you tell him to start speaking again”

“What’s that, Sir?” said Robert.

“Shut up, Robert” said Doom, and looked at the Good Doctor “I’ve still some kinks to work out with the thing; he’s a work in progress. In fact, I’m attempting to design him in my own image.”

The old man looked and muttered hmmm and took a draw of his pipe. He puffed it into the sky.

“So anyways” said Doom “I hear you’re writing a dictionary, of all languages, that would work well for Robert; I could program it in – we’d have an official translation device; one that can also walk and talk and do all sorts of things. I could probably make him jump over building if I wanted to.”

“Yes, but might it not then begin to think for itself and muddy up the languages. If he begins to start taking everything into consideration we may end up with one universal language spoken only by Mister Robert here?” said Doctor Samson.

“Well he really only thinks with ones and zeroes” said Doom “I don’t think he’s that clued in

Then Doom pondered and looked at the flickering candle on the table in front of them both and his countenance lowered “But he may very well become clued in, as you say.” Then Doom pulled his gaze away from the candle and looked at Doctor Samson with a smile “Yeah well, guess we just do nothing forever then, huh?”

There was silence, but it was not terse. Both Doom and the Doctor let their thoughts move around in their heads like cogs and gears; shifting and moving until the right neural current had been activated in their collective mind.

“The dictionary will be great. I have spent my whole lifetime compiling it” began Doctor Samson “Since I was a young boy I studied all the languages, dialects, body language, and even all the symbols available – I can make some sense of this – it will benefit all!”

Harriet the spindrake spun into the room room with her headphones in and spoke out loud “the sound just stopped, why does the sound always stop in this room?”

“Harriet.” Said Doom.

And Harriet spun off into the next room before Doom could even finish the last syllable of her name.

“Cool” said Doom and he shifted in the couch he sat in and rubbed his shoulders into the cushions that provided him with a great comfort.

Doom took a sip of tea. The candles were still burning bright.

“I’ve got to get more of these”

“What, the candles?” Said the Doctor.

“Yep – pretty good candles, but the trader sells them for a shoking prafit. After the wax melts I’m just going to boil it up and put my own wick inside.”

“I have a whole bunch of candles in my cellar, do you want them?”

“Sure.”

“How much will you give me?”

“I dunno, twenty bucks?”

“No deal” said Doctor Samson.

“So, why are you writing this dictionary then – just for the love of it?”

“Because they paid me”

“Who are they?” said Doom

“Them” replied the Doctor.

“Cool” said Doom and took another sip of his tea “so, you’re not doing it for the benefit of mankind but for a buck?”

“Well” the Doctor didn’t move “Not for financial gain, but I must look after myself so I can complete the task.”

“Did they pay you up front?”

“Half now, half at completion” replied Doctor Samson.

“Run into any problems yet?”

“Yes! The task is TOO BIG – it will take me TWO lifetimes!” Said the Good Doctor.

“Yeah but we could use Robert for the task and he could start speaking it. Robert has unlimited lifetimes. You can download his programming into anything. I could put his personality into a toaster if I wanted to.”

The robot twitched but didn’t make any verbal sounds.

“See, he’s always listening” said Doom,

“Oh” Doctor Samson stared at Robert

“I don’t like that; I don’t like that at all.”