Don't Scream

"Whatever you do, Riz, don't make a sound, and don't move." Carmine spoke in a breathy whisper, one that gave away that he was up against a struggle or a fight. The blanket still covered my entire body head to foot, and I was too in a daze to comprehend what he meant or why he would say such a thing. I wouldn't be too surprised if it was another bad dream that mixed in with my painful past experiences.

It wouldn't make sense. I was as concealed as I could be. I went through an agonizing cold several times in his hidden basement and I wasn't found then. Why would someone find me now? Why would someone come here? What would attract them to a place so secretive in such a big mansion? It was a prank. A joke. Something for a laugh. That's what it had to be. Right?

"Wha-?" I mumbled, livening my personal confusion. My head fell a bit from facing up toward the ceiling, to a little gap in the cover's folds. That's where I found Carmine, in the same place I had shut him up before falling asleep. His hand held tightly around a blade that was aiming at the side of his neck, and because of the sound I made that automatically gave me away, his other was closer to me to defend me as he was defending himself.

"I'm sorry if I failed you, Arizona." He sighed. Despite the chaos, he spoke to me so gently and regretful I didn't know what to do. I thought he'd go off on me for making noise and for giving away my location, but he seemed ready to sacrifice himself away to the foreign hand and it's weapon if he had to. He didn't yell at me. He didn't take any time to get mad.

That's stupid, I thought, If you're gone, where am I supposed to go? I won't have anybody left. For days it's something I didn't want to admit to him, but right now, it's something I wasn't able to say because every word got stuck behind my throat. I was muted out of fear. I was silenced knowing that we would both eventually be defenseless. Nobody ever beat the government's officials, and its only them that would go back to the same tactic of slashing throats.

"I'm sorry if-." His apology trailed off as the pressure of the blade coming to his skin got stronger, and he had to focus back his full attention to fighting it off. He was already losing his energy against people trained for moments specifically like this, and it's sad that has to be such a no-brainer. I should've let him speak before. I should've let him talk to me so everything was cleared up before something like this could happen. So we were on good terms before neither of us would be breathing. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Riza. I thought that if I gave Nica would she wanted, she'd leave you alone. She'd side with me and the government wouldn't be so against you, but their wrath is still coming out no matter what I do. If this is the way it has to be, I have to at least put up a fight. Know that I love you, girly."

I kicked the covers off my body with that. He was speaking like these were his last words, and I didn't like it. It didn't settle with me, so I had to act, but I knew he didn't like what he saw either. He was giving his all to put the intruders in their place, and to keep them away from their true target. Still, he was fighting on my behalf and there's no way I could let him do that alone. A life that's so important to the world can't be lost. It should be me before him - really, it should only be me.

"Why would you do this, Carmine? Go back to hating me! Hate me right now! It doesn't even matter!" My eyes burned but I couldn't feel anything fall down out of them. If they did or they didn't, I couldn't pay attention to it.

I hopped up out of the bed, behind them, in attempts to change the target and make them turn away from Carmine. They tried, and the similar uniforms to what Connie used to wear that became more clear as they turned already made me afraid. They didn't have smiles on their faces like how she did when I first met her, but they came here with a mission they were intending to succeed whatever it took. We weren't on the same team.

Carmine found strength in him to fight a little bit more, so their transition wasn't so easy. More so they had to go through him first. "What do you mean, 'go back to hating you'? I'm not going to permanently risk a life just because I'm temporarily angry. You wouldn't either. That's why you're acting the way you are."

He was right, and I hated how right he was. He was acting this way and I couldn't say I didn't understand because I'm doing the exact same thing. So I just let myself yell and scream hoping that someone out there, even while we're out in the middle of nowhere, would hear us; or that a miracle would happen that would give Carmine a second chance at life, in one that he didn't meet me or at least live in a future that I didn't have to he included in.

"What the heck is the purpose in this? He's not even who you want! Who you want is me! Why aren't you going more for who you came for?" I was begging as loud as I could to advert them in my direction, that my lungs begged me in return to calm down and stop injuring them so much as they tried to do their job, but I didn't care. It didn't matter to me how much it hurt or how dizzy I got as I screamed. I just needed to do something so Carmine wouldn't be stuck in the trap that I got him into.

"Arizona Yu." The official peered over his shoulder to look at me, clicking his tongue three times. "The president and his family order us to get you, and whoever gets in the way. I'll have to take you both with me. Dead now, or dead later, either way you'll both be."

"Carmine! Why? Why couldn't you just fix my whole face? Why couldn't I just be pretty? Why couldn't I have been born like everyone else? Why couldn't I have been worthy to be loved?" I knew I was in tears now. It attacked me like the flood that threw me out of my humble abode, and this guy that didn't belong here didn't intend to make it any better. "We could've worked if that's how it was! This wouldn't have happened to you!"

"Riza, calm down." Carmine smiled weakly, trying to appear as if nothing was wrong, as the blade went in a little bit deeper. "Why would I want you like everyone else? You were beautiful long before I made you feel like were. Jeez, I know you're not perfect but you have flaws in all the right places that make you perfect for me and only for me. You have the pieces that fill in what I'm missing. That's what I want to do for you."

Blood.

That rich red dripping down his neck made me despise the color that he made me fall in love with all over again, because it was the one color that our loved story was based off of. How in awe his mother must've been with his tinted cheeks at his birth, or how in awe he came to be of the Garden of the God's that had rocks as high as skyscrapers, or the red dress that he loved me in, or even how addicting those lips of his are whenever I had to take a breath - I had the chance to fall in love with it all.

It's because of it that where I got my name, surrounded by the red rocks my parents were at when my dad proposed, became something that I considered to be proud of. It's because of it that I wanted to have my mom's rosy cheeks caused by the hot weather on the day that he'd propose to me; down on one knee, presenting me with a ring, as I smiled from ear to ear.

Our love story was surrounded by red, and eventually I began to think that's how I wanted it to be. Red, red, forever red. But I was wrong. I couldn't be more wrong than this. Now I absolutely hated it because it would end with red too, when we never planned to have an ending. Not truly. Even in argument, deep within us, there wasn't an end. There isn't meant to be.

I hate the red tinted cheeks he had at birth. I hate the red rocks that he bet I would fall for. I hate that red dress, or any red dress for the matter. I hate those perfect red lips of his. I hate red. I really do.

I hate how it would ooze down his innocent goosebumps in the way a snake would slither, and even though it didn't do anything else, fear already rose in my body once I knew it was there. I hate how it would flow on his veins and not in them.

I hate how the more it piled up and the more he whimpered in pain, the more I knew that soon enough those stings would be the last he would feel when alive. The blood would go from a shade of strawberries to black cherries, darker, darker, and darker - until he'd be gone completely.

He'd go stiff just like my parents once did when he'd have to let go of everything without wanting it that way. He'd fall too far for me to pull him back out, leaving zero behind to return him to life. Within him would be no more breath.

I would take red in any other way, as long as it wasn't this. I mean that. I really do even the second time this comes around. I promise to God, but it's not like that made any difference.

But there's one thing I hate more than this. It's that calling out for me was his last worry, his last word, his last thought.

"Riza, you have to get out of here."

"Go, Riza! Hide! Do something!"

"Riza, you have to run! Go!"

"Right now! Listen to me, Arizona!"

No, no, no, and no! How could I possibly leave him alone? How could I possibly let my traumas repeat all over again? How can I let everyone I love disappear? It's always because of me. I've been the center of the end of people's lives.

It took courage to run away a long time ago, the first time a circumstance like this came. It took courage to pick up my feet and run with the wind, before those in support of the evil trends would change their minds. I was a kid then. I was defenseless and couldn't make a decision for myself. That's why my parents made one that was best for me. Just me.

But this time I had the feeling courage wasn't running. Courage meant putting my foot down and fighting for the man I'm deeply in love with, so the red in the form I need can continue to thrive. Not the one that kills us all. That one doesn't deserve to exist.

Courage was a second chance. Courage was saving a life. Courage was rewriting history. Courage was making a world for the both of us, right in the middle of a world that didn't want us to be.

"No, Carmine. I'm staying." I smiled a little bit, fooling my head into a bravery I didn't have. "I'm staying until we can run out of here alive."

I hate this kind of red, but I know there's another kind that's worth standing up for, and that's why I'm not giving up. Not just yet.