Do You Still Love Me?

Maya

September 2nd has always been a special day for me and my husband, Jason. We first met back in 2013 on September 2nd. He walked into my flower shop, The Wild ‘N Beautiful Flower Shop. He walked in smiling. His red shirt glowed against his lightly melanated skin that had been sunkissed by the summer sun. He told me his mother’s birthday was the following day and what kind of flowers he should get her. I suggested an aster bouquet, the birth flower for September. He smiled and then asked me what my favorite flower was. I told him marigold, which is my birth month flower, October. He smiles telling me that might be his new favorite flower. That’s how our story began.

Jason

Maya walked in dressed in a yellow v-neck lace maxi dress with nude fabric covered in butterflies that beautifully complemented her brown skin. Her black afro pulled into a high puff with a few loose curls hanging down by her ears. I told her we were having dinner at her favorite 5-star restaurant. She didn’t know that I rented it out for the night for a special evening. She smiled as she spotted vases of flowers leading to our table and the vase of marigolds on the table. I can tell she was impressed.

“What is it all about?” She has asked as she beamed

“Just wanted to show how much I appreciate you,” I responded

She smiled.

She ordered her favorite vegan Mac & Cheese veggie chicken casserole and I ordered a veggie burger and sweet potato fries. We ate and laughed. My stomach was in knots when I got down on one knee as I opened up the small blue velvet ring box that holds a princess cut cluster diamond engagement ring. I knew by now I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Maya. She was the most beautiful and brightest soul I have ever met. That’s exactly what I told her in my proposal and of course, she said yes. That was last year, September 2, 2014.

Maya

It was our favorite time of the year, our anniversary the following year. It was midday. Cedar Lakes Estate was so beautiful it’s a natural beauty. Our wedding was being held at The Outdoor Amphitheatre on the deck, which overlooked the lake and the most beautiful and wispiest pine trees kept us sheltered from the rest of the world. The lake kept us cool from the summer sun. Our loved ones wore yellow and green and white wedding attire. They sat on wooden benches that were placed on opposite sides of the aisle.

I tried to catch my breath, “Oh My God I can’t breathe. I think I might be having a panic attack.”

“Maya baby, you need to breathe. You really need to breathe. We need to get your dress on.” My childhood best friend and maid of honor, Ava said

I was due to walk down the aisle in fifteen minutes but I’m having a case of cold feet. I had no idea where it was coming from.

“I can’t feel my fingers, is that weird? Oh God, maybe I’m having a stroke.” I said

Ava rolled her eyes. By now she was used to my dramatics.

“Maya, come on, inhale deeply and exhale slowly.” She said doing the motion

I copied her and slowly started to calm down. Remembering I’m about to marry the love of my life.

“Okay, where’s my dress?” I asked

“Thankfully you didn’t faint because if you did I would have married the prince of New York.” Jasmine, one of my bridesmaids, said jokingly.

“You better stay away from my man.” I laughed

Five minutes later, Ella, my wedding planner, lined me and my girls up in front of the cabin. The nerves that once filled my body were nearly gone by then. Ava looked over at me and winked. I smiled. Ella sent out the three bridesmaids one at a time, their beautiful different but similar satin mustard yellow dresses blew in the wind as they were leaving the cabin. Ava was the last to exit the cabin leaving me by myself with Ella. I did one last deep inhale and slow exhale.

“Are you ready?” Ella smiled

I nodded. She handed me my Marigold bouquet and put my veil in front of my face and opened the cabin door.

It was my turn to walk down the aisle. All my friends and family were outside waiting for me. I walked out and saw my mother smiling, her eyes already swelled up with water. She looped her arms through mine and we started walking down the aisle. The only thing I heard while walking down the aisle was my cousin, Tricia, singing the slow version of John Legend’s “Made to Love” song. I see a flash from the wedding photographer’s camera. Everyone was quiet but the air was filled with anticipation and excitement. They were all here to celebrate my and Jason’s special day. I felt all gleaming happy eyes on me. I always hated to be the center of attention. It made me so nervous. I looked forward and saw Jason smiling at me with the brightest smile. Seeing his smile. My future husband, the love of my life’s smile made me feel like it was just the two of us at that moment.

Jason

There she was walking down the aisle in her ivory off-the-shoulder floral tulle floor-length Galina Signature Novelty dress. Moments before my niece Penny and nephew Liam walked down the aisle. Liam carried our wedding rings. Penny gently dropped white roses as the music started. I knew how nervous Maya was, even so, she didn’t look tense. I knew she probably was. She made her way to me and her mother let her go and kissed her cheek.

“I love you, baby,” I heard her mother say before looking at me “take care of her.”

“I will,” I said

She placed Maya’s hand in mine and smiled as she went to find her seat.

“Everyone can now be seated. We are gathered here this afternoon to witness this man and woman join together in holy matrimony.” Priest John Macy said

He continued with the speech, we said our vows gleefully smiling, Maya said she saw a tear fall from my eyes she must’ve been right.

“…I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.” The priest said and I kissed my beautiful wife.

Maya

The first year of our marriage was everything I could’ve dreamt of. We went on a month-long honeymoon to travel Southeast Asia, our last stop was Bali. We were blissfully in love. That whole trip bought us even closer together. That whole year bought us closer.

“Hey Mrs. Morris,” Jason said

“Yes?” I singsonged as we walk into our condo

“I just love saying it. Maya Morris.” He said as he bent over to kiss me

“I love you,” I said smiling in between his kisses

“I love you too.” He said kissing me again

Jason

“I hate you!” Maya screams

“Yeah, whatever,” I say slamming the front door shut

So much can change in 2 years, we went from puppy love to being in love to not being able to stand each other. I don’t know how we got to this place. One night a few months ago we got into this fight after we came home from a charity ball.

“I feel like I always have to change myself for your lifestyle,” Maya said throwing her purse down on the dining room table

“It’s not like we can bring mason jars and wear hippie-dippy outfits everywhere,” I said

“You know that’s not what I mean,” she said “I don’t fit in. I always feel like the odd woman out.”

“I try to make you feel as comfortable as I can,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“Oh that’s bullshit and we both know it. You leave me with those snotty uptight housewives who are drinking themselves to death, meanwhile you’re laughing your ass off with their boring ass husbands that you have nothing in common with besides being trust fund babies.” She says taking off her dress

The argument went on all night. She feels like I want her to change who she is to fit into my world and I don’t do enough to try to fit in hers. That fight we have been for ages now.

I went to meet up with my best friend, Travis. I just needed to get out of the house for a bit. Maybe I thought I could get some advice.

“I think she’s right,” Travis says

“What do you mean? I always try to include her in every part of my life and I always have.” I say

“But do you include yourself in her life?” He says

“What? Yes,” I say “we had a whole bohemian fairytale wedding for God’s sake.”

“It’s not about your lifestyle or hers and you know that. It’s about her wanting to fit in and be wanted by her husband. Don’t you still love her?” Travis asks

“Of course, I love her, she's my wife. She means everything to me.” I say

“Then prove it to her,” Travis says

Maya

After Jason stormed out, I decided to call Ava. We have been on the couch talking for the past hour discussing my latest fight with Jason.

“Do you want to file for divorce?” Ava asks

“I don’t know. I mean we haven’t slept in the same bed for weeks now. We can’t even have a decent conversation without fighting.” I say

“Have you thought about seeing a couples counselor ?” Ava asks

“He will never go for it.” I frown

“Maybe you need to let it go,” Ava says “Are you sure he will change? He won’t even go to therapy with you.”

“I want to make us work but if he doesn’t want to do that then I guess I have to let it go,” I say looking down at my hands

“Whatever you decide I’m going to be by your side,” Ava says laying her head on my shoulder

After a while Ava left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I was doing the dishes when I heard a rustle at the front door and then a knock. I dry my hands. I walk away from the sink and open the door. I see Jason standing on the other side of the door holding Marigolds.

“Do you still love me?” He was all he asked

I look at him and nod my head, moving aside to let him in.