Ditched and Sent Off

Brad took Serena’s box out of the gun safe and set it on the floor. He took her socks off and carefully adjusted her to fit the box. He then sat on the sofa and called the manufacturer’s phone number he found on his smartphone.

It took him several rounds of bouncing from one department to another to finally talk to a human. Brad shouldn’t have been surprised that a sex doll manufacturer’s customer service was “manned” by AI, but it was still annoying. When he finally heard a human female voice, he asked, “Do you have a recycling program for your products?” in the steadiest casual voice he could master.

The woman first explained that they have a no-questions-asked return policy if the doll was for some reason not meeting his expectations. Brad said that he had bought the doll ten years ago and that it got damaged. He just wanted to dispose of it properly, he said.

He was relieved when the woman said yes and didn’t ask any more questions. He’d have to pay for shipment, though, which Brad didn’t mind. After she gave him the address to send the doll to, Brad made a quick trip to the farm’s office where they had a lot of empty folded cardboard boxes.

He grabbed several boxes and returned home, realizing that he didn’t even lock the hunting room. He sealed Serena in her box, quickly build a cardboard box around it to make it discrete, and took her to the post office in the city about one hour away where no one knew him. It cost him almost $200 in shipment, but he was relieved to finally end Serena’s saga.

It was only on the third day that Emily casually asked him at dinner, “So what did you do to Serena?” She had the all-knowing smile on her face.

Brad was not surprised at all. He was not mad either, looking back at it he thought it was a pretty good prank.

“I sent her back to be recycled, just as you suggested, babe,” he answered, without skipping a beat. “How long did you know about her?”

“Oh, maybe a year after I moved in,” Emily said. “I just was too curious about the haunted room, couldn’t believe you actually had it.”

“Haunted room?” Brad asked, surprised.

“Yeah, remember you said that room was haunted when I asked you about it?”

“Huntn’, honey, where people keep their hunt-ing guns,” Brad said, adding hard ‘g’ at the end so that it was clear.

Emily burst into laughter and said, “It’s your southern accent, babe, I thought you said ‘haunted’ and couldn’t believe it, in such a new house! Besides, no one died in the house yet to become a ghost.”

Brad only smiled. “There’s an old cemetery at the end of our property line, babe.”

“Are you trying to scare me?” Emily asked. “Won’t work, I don’t believe in ghosts.”

“Anyway, how did you learn about Serena?” Brad asked.

“Oh, one day I came home earlier, when you were busy with Serena. I heard your moaning from the haunted room and went there. You didn’t lock the door and it was ajar a little, so I took a peek. You were so busy you didn’t even notice,” Emily said matter-of-factly and then laughed. “At first, I thought it was a woman, that’s how real she looked. Wanted to kill you both right there, haunted room my ass!”

Brad’s blood rushed to his cheeks. This was the shame he was so afraid of, and he felt it to the fullest. “And you didn’t say anything, ever?”

“Why? It’s better than you cheating on me with a real woman,” Emily said. “Besides, every time you were with Serena you behaved so guilty and ashamed, I knew that one day you’d want to end it. I just didn’t think you’d trash her like that. That was pretty stupid, Brad.”

“I got spooked that night. I wanted to bury her in the woods but as I started to dig, I thought I heard some voices. So I just ran,” Brad explained.

Emily tried to make light of it, “The guys were so amused to have found her. When we got called in, I immediately recognized her. She is pretty unique and memorable. At first I thought maybe someone stole her from you.”

“Yeah?” Brad asked. “When did you decide that it was me who trashed her?”

“When you started asking questions about DNA testing and fingerprints. That’s when I decided to prank you too. It took some convincing, but I told the guys at the sheriff’s I would send Serena back to the manufacturer for recycling. I guess they trusted me more to do that than any one of them.”

“And the locks in the hunting room?” Brad asked.

“I’m a police officer, honey, they trained us to open all sorts of locks,” Emily said, without explaining further. “Listen, let’s put this all behind us and forget about it.”

“Alright,” Brad said, still ashamed but relieved. “I guess I deserved all of this.”

Emily looked at him with love and said, “Promise me one thing, honey.”

Brad said hurriedly, trying to anticipate her request, “I promise you I’ll never get another doll. I love you so much and I love our life and everything that we’ve built together.”

“And that’s great, honey, I do too. It’s not the sex doll I’m concerned about.”

“Yeah, what then?” Brad asked, scared a little.

“Promise me that if you ever feel that our sex life is no longer enough for you, you’ll tell me about it? I’m sure we can work out anything as long as we love each other and talk honestly. No more secrets, OK?”

“I promise, honey. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you,” Brad got up and went around the table to give Emily a long lovingly grateful kiss.

They both would remember that night as one of the best in their life.

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