Dinner Regrets

Drew twirled the spaghetti around and around his fork. His eyes were fixed on the plate, the watery sauce splayed along the edges. It barely coated the noodles. In his peripheral vision he could still see May twirling her hands around a napkin. Her plate hadn’t been touched. Not a good sign considering this was her favorite meal. That was why she had made it. It had nothing to do with him. He would have preferred chicken.

“Drew.”

“Yep.”

“Can we discuss this?”

“Hmm?” He still didn’t move his eyes from the plate. He lifted the fork, shoving the dry noodles into his mouth.

“We need to talk. Put your fork down.”

“You invited me for dinner. You need a fork to eat dinner.”

“You’re such a child sometimes.”

Drew sighed, but set his fork down. Her voice had cracked. It was a tell-tale sign that she was either going to explode or implode, either way it spelt problems for him. “What do we need to discuss? I thought this was dinner.”

“You never look below the surface do you?”

“Can we stay on topic? I doubt that’s what you wanted to talk about.”

May placed her hands in her lap, leaning back in her chair. He wondered if she was trying to move away from him, but why would she? They had been together for fifteen years, since he was seventeen and she was fifteen. There had been discussion of moving in together and he had even been browsing jewelry stores. He couldn’t quite find one he thought was worth the $2000 he had set outside for this occasion. He had been saving for so long, storing away a few bills here and there until he reached his goal. The goal was reached, but he had nothing to show for it.

“Is this still working for you?” Her voice was a whisper, it was almost as though it had come from outside and not from across from him.

Now he leaned back, feeling the old wooden chair flex beneath him. “What?”

She gestured between the two of them. “Is this still working for you?”

“The table?”

“Oh my god, you’re so dense.” She stood up and began pacing, her long skirt swooshing with every movement. It hung down over her ankles, sitting low on her hips that barely existed. She had lost weight recently, quite a bit. He wasn’t going to say anything.

“Out with it May.”

“I’ve met someone.”

“I’m glad you’re making friends.”

She froze, staring at him with huge brown eyes. They looked almost comical popping out of her face. He chuckled slightly. “Drew, this isn’t funny. I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you and you’re being…”

“I’m being what?”

“A child.”

“If that’s the only insult you have, this is going to be fun.”

“It isn’t an insult. It’s the truth. You’re not listening to me and turning everything into a joke.”

Drew paused, letting her words sink in. I’ve met someone. She had been going out every weekend to try and make friends. She was tired of being alone. They didn’t have much in common anymore, just each other and their shared past. He thought that was enough. He had never been interested in going to dinner or spending hours in the woods. She didn’t like spending time on the boat or in the field with him and he didn’t ask her to. He didn’t think he had to. He was okay with having time to himself and thought she was too. I’ve met someone.

“May. What are you saying?”

There was a knock on the door. Through the window he could see a man standing there. He was thin with a crooked nose and unruly red hair.

“I tried telling you.”

“May.”

She quickly brushed at her watering eyes with the backs of her hands. “He’s early. I tried telling you.”

“Telling me what?” His throat tightened and he could feel his own eyes beginning to water. This wasn’t part of the plan.

May sat back down. “I’ve met someone. I didn’t mean to. It just kind of happened.”

“When? Why? Where? Who?”

The man outside knocked again. May briefly looked over her shoulder, but didn’t move to answer. Drew hated seeing the pity in her eyes. He had never been pitied before, especially never by her.

“He was at the comedy show I went to a few months ago.”

“A few months!” Drew stood up and took up her pacing method, stroking his chin. “A few months.”

“A few months. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not very long.”

“No it’s not. No. But it’s a long time to lie to someone.”

“Have I been lying?”

“Yes. Yes you have.”

“How?”

Drew faltered, staring at her now confidently cool face. “By continuing this relationship with me.”

“Have we really continued Drew?”

He began to pace again, thinking back to the past few months where he thought everything had been great. But had they? They continued their standard Wednesday night date nights and spent time together. He tried to remember the last time had told her he loved her, or even hugged her. His hands grew clammy and he leaned against the weak chair for a moment.

“May.”

“Drew it’s been over for a long time.”

He shook his head, mute suddenly as tears poured down his cheeks. May had been his whole life. She had been with him through so much and hadn’t he always been there for her? He thought so. But how had he not noticed there was someone else? How had she not told him?

“I love you.”

May stood up and placed her hands on his shoulders. “No. You love the memory of us. It’s comfortable.”

“And who told you that?”

May took a step back, hearing the anger replace the desperation in his tone. “You did.”

“I never did.”

“You never told me anything.”

The man outside knocked again. “I shouldn’t have to.”

May shook her head, realizing again that he wasn’t listening to her. He was stuck in his own thoughts. She had never been able to convince him of anything once he had his mind made up. But she was the same way and now her mind was set on leaving. She had tried for too long.

“I would like you to leave,” May stepped towards the door, her hand on the cool metal handle as Drew continued to pace.

“You want me to leave? I didn’t even finish eating.”

“You’ve never liked my spaghetti.”

“Yes I have.”

“Drew,” May stood up straighter, “Please leave.”

She opened the door and the man outside stepped in, a smile on his face. In his hand he held a bouquet of rainbow colored flowers. His jeans were torn and his shirt hung loosely. Drew stared at him from behind his chair. It was his chair. His fingers flexed on the back of it as he thought about what to do. This was his replacement. He couldn’t really be replaced though, could he? She would call. This was just a phase. He’d heard about his friends’ wives going through phases. This was all it was.

But she wasn’t his wife.

He coughed to conceal a sob. Without meeting her gaze or even acknowledging the new man, he lifted the chair and slammed it on the ground. The weak wood splintered into pieces. Dust fluttered through the room. May let out a yelp and the new man moved in front of her. As if Drew would hurt her. He would never.

Without a word, he walked out into a world he no longer understood.

May was over.

Katrina Thornley is a poet and author that lives in rural Rhode Island. She currently has 2 poetry collections (Arcadians: Lullaby in Nature, Arcadians: Wooden Mystics), a collection of short stories (26 Brentwood Avenue & Other Tales), and a novel (Kings of Millburrow) available on Amazon. Links below:

Arcadians: Lullaby in Nature

Arcadians: Wooden Mystics

26 Brentwood Avenue & Other Tales

Kings of Millburrow