Did I Drink That Or

Author's Note: Write a story where something unreal still has a real impact.

'It was all a dream', or was it?

I awoke afraid and looking around to see where I was.

My wife lay beside me. Okay, this is right I thought.

I jumped up anyway, grabbed my pants and slipped them on. Is my car in the driveway? I have to check. That was always what I would do, not all that long ago.

As I am doing this, I am looking around for a bottle or glass with booze in it. Could I have drank? It was all so real! The stumbling around, the flirting, the laughing at the dumbest things, and the fighting.

Wait, I got hit in the eye. I better see if my eye is okay. I thought that as I reached up to check. Feels okay. Still checking. Whew, no black eye!

I climb back into bed, once I see my car in the exact spot I expect it to be in. I cuddle up to the wife and attempt to wake her. When I succeed, I ask her if she hit me in the eye? She looks at me suspiciously and says, "No, I didn't hit you?" Then she said, "Should I have?"

I then get up and go to make breakfast, telling Sarah to go back to sleep, and that I would be putting the coffee on and making breakfast if she wants to join me.

Sitting down to breakfast, I reviewed what I thought had happened. Was it all a dream? It was all so familiar. Could it have happened in a blackout? I haven't drunk in months. No drugs, not even medical marijuana. I want to stay clean.

How could I be sitting here thinking I drank? What the hell? Should I call my sponsor? Get to a meeting? Tell my wife? Tell her what? Okay, when I finish this breakfast, I will call my sponsor. He will tell me to get to a meeting. Should I even call him? Well, he has been around for 30 years.

My sponsor was in prison, he lost his wife and had little contact with his children, and he was in the gutter. Needing to go to detox to sober up or go into DT's. He has been through it. He relapsed after five years but came back strong. Promising to give it his all, and he does!

It is funny, but I want to be just like him when I am 30 years in. I can call him right now. While dialing John, I was thinking about what I could say. It ended up being the truth - I woke up afraid I drank last night. I'm still not sure I didn't. So much of my memory is so clear about what happened.

John said, "Hold on, you probably didn't drink, because if you did, you would know for sure you did." Then he proceeded to say, "My sponsor used to say that it was caused by post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. It is what soldiers get after being in the war. We were in a kind of war with drinking and drugs."

I was so relieved to talk with him and wanted to know how often this can happen and what can I do to get rid of it. His response was simple, "Keep doing what you are doing. You may never encounter this again. It is common to have something unreal continue to have a real impact!"

He then suggested I get to a meeting. He said something triggers these dreams, and it doesn't hurt to double your efforts when it happens. I just knew that would be a part of this conversation!!