Desolation of Time

The pain pierced scream cut off in a gurgle somewhere out in the darkness. “Matthias”, his brain whispered as he rocked frenetically in his hiding place. That same brain was working slowly, slowly to withdraw from reality; to distance itself from the actuality that this was to be his final day of breath. Only Jamie’s locket, held tightly clenched in an icy hand, anchored him where he was.

Hoots and hollers in the distance began, a jangling heart throb of chanting that heralded the Scavers’ latest kill.

“Matthias”, his brain whispered again, a sick reminder that continued to drive a spike of ice into guts. Regardless, the celebratory tumult might give some time to escape.

If only he could will his mind back into his shivering body.

If only….

At least the vocalizing out there, in the void beyond his bolt hole, offered some moments of consideration for his—

He froze, his body so rigid it hurt. In an instant, his awareness shrank to a pinprick surrounding his ears.

What was that? Movement?

He tried to reach out with his hearing as if it were a physical thing, grasping for whatever he could grab beyond the background noise. Nothing. Was he sure? No. It could be a Scaver or a rat.

What was it!

Nothing presented itself. No other indication that something was nearby. The hooting, too, seemed to reverberate in the night as if the group were running back and forth, getting closer then running away. A syn wave of impending doom. Yet, he couldn’t let go of the more pressing matter and bore down on his concentration. A cloud began rimming the dim picture of the hiding place. Lines blurred and sharpened to the distant tune.

Still nothing.

The breath he was holding suddenly exploded from his lungs in a quick agonizing knot. Vision lined up and the sound rang in sharp contrast.

Cold gripped the back of his mind.

The sounds of the Scavers were moving closer to him.

The clench in his chest tightened his hand around the locket, bringing all attention to the smooth edges and hardness.

Jamie’s locket.

Just the thought caused a sudden smooth inhale and exhale; a loosening of tight muscles. Slowly, he opened his hand and even in the dimness of the surroundings, the ambient light defined the heart shaped jewelry that he spent months etching into his mind. Moving as if every action was a clarion call in the darkness, he uncoiled the chain from around his knuckles and freed the locket. Despite the numbness in his fingers, he deftly popped the clasp, swinging the tiny hinge open to reveal the face of the tiny watch that he kept wound.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

“Oh, Jimmy, it’s beautiful.” Jamie’s eyes lit up when she opened the box. The gold resting on the cotton packing gleamed in the sunlight, just as it did in her hair. She stared at it for several moments before gazing back up into his own eyes. A fluttering lurch bounced up his chest and warmth filled him. “Thank you.”

“I saw you eying it when we were goofing off in the store the other day.”

“I love it,” Jamie answered. “I love you.”

Click.

The chance to escape was gone. The Scavers had the blood of the hunt in their noses and would spread out among the ruins, searching, driving anyone before them like rabbits before the dogs. Matthias was only the first. The rest of the group would be found before dawn and all would meet the same end. Such was the way of things now. Such was the way of predator and prey.

Why, at this moment, his rational mind was able to part the sea of his fear, Jimmy did not know. But it gave up just enough respite to allow it to wander a bit. Some of his tension washed away. He opened the locket again.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Jamie pulled the necklace free of her blouse like she did a million times. That small smile spreading on her lips as she took a moment to gaze at the pendant before she shrugged her shoulders in a quick, silent giggle and opened the face to check the time. It fascinated him at every instance. A moment upon a moment that formed a template of the woman he loved, each time a simple reinforcement of the joy she experienced from small and seemingly insignificant things. It was heart swelling.

Click.

How had it all gone so wrong? How had it come to this? These weren’t new questions. Jimmy often pondered these things when there was some semblance of safety and security. It didn’t escape him that he was now engaging in that exercise. Before all this madness, he was not so philosophical, or exi… existential, though he never quite understood that term when Jamie used it. Yet, here he was, fighting daily to survive in a world that no longer offered comfort. Could it have always been so? It just couldn’t be seen?

Tick. Tick. Tick.

She never took it off. It was almost as if it had become a part of her. A symbolic existence of his love for her and hers for him. As he moved above her, his eyes often moved from her pleasure filled gaze to the locket as it lay perfectly between her breasts. It always brought a smile to him, even if just an inward one. A physical reminder of the bond they shared.

Click.

Jimmy moved, each scuff his feet made sounding like a bomb going off. The grimace they produced ached. It took years for him to slide to a place where he could view outside his hideaway. Somehow, the idea of seeing his death coming was easier for him to swallow than not doing so. Still, he could see nothing moving in the darkness beyond. The exuberance of the hunt subsided and the predators were going silent as the chase took them, which liquefied his bowels and tightened his breathing. They would remain silent until they caught wind of their next quarry.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Her anger caused the locket to bounce against her sweater and kept bringing his attention to it. “What are you staring at?” she finally yelled. “Are you listening to me?” Jimmy didn’t know what to say; didn’t know why the pendant was more important than her ire.

“Yes,” he answered. “Nothing.” It was all he could muster, which only angered her further. The tirade lasted only a few minutes and left him… clear and numb… as it always did. The more they happened the more he questioned; the more he wanted to fix things.

Click.

The night dragged in agonizing sound bites. An eon of silence followed by bursts of sound. Horrible sounds. Margaret and Jackson were the next found, in quick succession, each finding him gripping his sanity as tightly as the locket as their cries were cut short. He needed to move, to try to find a way out, but each chance kept him frozen in his place.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Jimmy stared dumbly at his hand as she placed the locket in it. He couldn’t look at her tear streaked face; couldn’t understand the words she was saying to him. “It’s over.” It meant nothing. It meant everything. How did it happen? Why? How could he have done such a thing? “It’s over.” What did it mean?

Click.

The air outside was cold and grave silent. Hours or minutes had gone by, he didn’t know which, since the last sounds of the Scavers reached his searching ears. How did it happen? The questions continued to gnaw at him. Why? Could it be that humans were always like this? That what was civilization was merely an illusion covering the true nature of all of us? As long as the illusion stayed, so, too, did the security and safety provided by it?

It must have been closer to hours. When he finally moved again, his muscles and joints screamed at him.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Months of tears. Months of constant emotional pain. Jimmy’s life made no sense without Jamie in it. He didn’t want life to make sense without her in it. Was it all an illusion? Did she really feel the way about him that he thought she did? In his hand, he held the locket, the physical symbol of their togetherness, wondering at what to do.

Click.

In the end, none of it really mattered. That was, by far, the most painful experience he ever suffered. Even after the illusion of the old world vanished. While fear and the struggle to survive dominated every thought, every action, the betrayal of Jamie and the pain she suffered at his ego brought him to this very place. A place of questioning and pondering. It didn’t matter how the world got to the place it was. It simply was. He was either going to live or die. He just needed to decide what and how he was going to do it.

Still, he didn’t move. Just waited as the chill of the coming morning deepened into knives cutting. At some point he stopped looking out into the oblivion beyond. At some point his mind stopped nagging at him for answers to unanswerable questions.

The details in his lair began to crisp and he realized light was seeping over the far, unseen horizon. His extremities were prickling from frozen needles, in part from the cold, in part from the constant fear. Some bit of relief crept into him, stoking the fires of his mind. He survived the night, along with, possibly, three of the other members of the scavenging group.

The gold of the locket shown in the wan light, and he was again cast back to when he gave it to Jamie. Warmth of memory washed through him.

It was time.

He stood, slowly and crookedly, stifling the groans that his body wanted expressed. After waiting several minutes of re-knitting, Jimmy carefully wrapped the chain around his knuckles, the locket nested safely in his palm. He slid from his sanctum and crept toward the desolation of the once was, unaware of the eyes watching.

Tick. Tick. Tick.