Delta Ray Death Star

Of course, everybody knows scientists lie for glory and fortune, but Member of Congress, Madison Cawthorn, expresses nothing but integrity. Beloved Mayor Ray Letifer, a solid ally of Madison, sometimes wonders how he doesn’t explode with love for his family and fellow townspeople.

Elation coursed through him the minute he discovered Delta had reached town. He visited all his friends and extended family. Relieved, the folks of Ion, Contra County, recognized this strain couldn’t harm them because Ray told them some expert had dreamed up the fake news.

Thanks to Madison witnessing underhand political maneuvers in Washington, DC, and his sharing them with Ray and other believers, they learned what the liberals wanted. Vulnerable people needed those vaccinations. That was fine by Ray because he and his compatriots radiated strength and health. Such healthy specimens refused to succumb to such a transparent power play. After all, marketers have used people’s fear for ages. What better means to boost big pharma’s coffers than to create a virus that could wipe out millions of vulnerable wastes of space.

Small town life continued at its usual pleasant pace. For their annual summer vacation, Ray, his wife, Carol, and their two young children, Calam and Kata, visited their favorite people and places on Mount Eternis, spreading Ray’s wise words. If folks believed in the love of their great country, guns, and family, no harm would come. Those scientist guys think they know better. Well, Ray reckons his way preserves the integrity and strength of his town.

He didn’t consider his family needed protection. What an embarrassment to hide your face behind a piece of cloth! The restriction means to ruin the kids’ ability to interact at school in September. And breathing in the clean mountain air as they wind their way through the friendly hamlets is vital. When they reach the peak, they’ll strike camp and thank their stars for their health, prosperity, and immunity.

Ray’s government friends support their party line that people must not force children to wear masks because it’s child abuse. It made complete sense that kids running around a football field with their mouths and noses covered were a danger to themselves; a danger identical to a punch in the face. In fact, Ion’s Sherrif Gully Bull made mask-wearing illegal. “Damn scientists, what do they know? We’ll live our lives our way and prove them wrong,” he said to the TNT TV cameras the day the law became effective.

In Ray’s mind, the CDC buffoons intended to destroy children’s chances of leading normal lives. The so-called experts do not realize how kids don’t want to eat their greens. They want burgers and fries, they can have them! Have these experts ever tried to keep a mask on a toddler? They pull off their masks, let them. Pandemic shamdemic.

A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Tweet:

An incensed response from a kind and caring person dying to ensure all children learn how to interact.

Their SUV brimmed with home-baked goodies and preserves from Ion residents. The family’s annual pilgrimage began. Their first stop, Carol’s aging parents. The kids rushed up to PopPop and Gramma and covered them with big wet slobbery smackeroonies. Oh, and the hugs were the longest they’d ever given. Kata had the start of a cold, but neither she nor her beloved relatives had the heart to refuse her love or let the continuous coughing spoil their visit. PopPop loved the cookies Carol had helped Kata make.

The family spent three days hiking and chatting with fellow hikers, playing football with the local kids and spent quality time together in the evenings. Cal and Kata invited neighbor’s kids for movie and games nights, while their parents and other neighbors sat shoulder to shoulder around the fire pit, swigging beer and sipping wine.

On the fourth day, the Letifer family packed up their travel gear and jumped into their Ford Journey, and traveled to their next stop. Kate conked out and grumbled whenever Cal elbowed her ribs. The six-year-old was still sound asleep when they arrived at Ray’s best friend’s family’s small adobe mansion. Carol knocked on the door. No answer.

“Do you suppose they forgot our visit, Ray?” she asked.

“They must have. Derrick would have called. We’ll drive into the village for some lunch and drop by later.”

“Ooh, let’s go to Billy the Kid’s Cheese Garden. The kids will love it!”

“Cal, Kat? Are you hungry?”

Silence. Ray and Carol turned to see both children were zonked in the back seat. The grown-ups turned to each other and grinned.

Ray drove to the restaurant and woke the kids. They looked the most tired he’d ever seen. Their perkiness will return after a goat cheeseburger. Cal and Kata dozed at the table while mom and pop ate. Their coughing animated them every few minutes. Carol and Ray gave them water and made them drink it.

“They’ll be fine at the peak. The fresh air and swimming will work wonders,” said Ray.

“I agree, let’s go straight there. We can see the rest of our friends another time.”

After sleeping the entire journey to their favorite campsite, Eternis Basin, the adults put Cal and Kata straight to bed on arrival. Their offspring settled, they relaxed with chilled Chardonnay on the deck and their neighbors, Ginny and Arthur.

The young couple holidayed at the camp every summer, driving 200 miles from Prudence County. They asked after Kat and Cal. Carol registered their worry as she told them the coughing had exhausted the youngsters. They just need a good night’s sleep.

“Are they hot? asked Ginny.

“It’s a simple cold. Kids get them all the time. This is no different,” said Ray.

“You should get them tested. The contagious Delta variant has caused high death rates in unvaccinated folks. Children included.”

“We know what’s best for them, Arthur. You’ll see them running around tomorrow,” Carol said.

Arthur catches Ginny’s eye. They gulp their drinks and say their goodbyes.

“Arthur assumes he knows it all and Ginny’s no better. So rude, telling us what to do. If they hadn’t left, I’d have told them to leave! The drive here has made me tired too, Rol. Shall we retire to bed?”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll just check on the kids, then join you. Ray?”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.”

Carol puts her cool palm on Kata’s forehead. It feels hot, so does Calam’s. She tries her own forehead. As cool as her hand. She removes their blankets, leaving sheets so they don’t overheat in the night.

The morning sunlight dazzles Carol. She leaves Ray sleeping while she checks on the sleeping kids. She lets them slumber until she finishes making breakfast. A little tickle in her throat tells her the germs had reached her. Oh well, that’s the way it works with kids. Their immune systems needed to strengthen. She never falls ill. Touchwood.

Breakfast doesn’t boost anyone’s spirits. Even Ray lacks his usual undeniable energy. The irritating coughs plus the kids’ high temperatures worry Carol. And now her whole body burns and aches.

After breakfast, Ray tries to rally his family, he suggests a swim in the Basin will work wonders. I’ll fetch the inflatables, the kids will love inflating them. Kata and Cal tried to find some energy, but their coughs allowed them little air for the rubber wings, let alone their lungs.

“Let’s go home, Ray. See the doctor.”

“A doctor can’t cure a cold. They’ve got nasty colds, we can wrap them up like burritos and let them sweat out the fever.”

“They’ve never been this lethargic for so long. We need to go home.”

“Okay, mama bear. Better safe than sorry. Let’s load up the SUV and hit the road.”

An hour later, they reach Ray’s best friend’s place but don’t stop. Another hour and they call at Carol’s parents' place but get no answer. Ray drives to the small Ion hospital. His family doesn’t respond to him, their breaths shallow and labored. Carol was fine yesterday. How can she not breathe well now?

Worried, Ray parks and heads to the tented space that surrounds the hospital entrance. He approaches a friend, a man he knows well.

“What’s going on, Jeff?”

“Step back, Ray. Put this mask on.” Jeff offers Ray a mask.

“There is no chance of me wearing that! I’m surprised you are. Look, my family is sleeping in the car and their breathing is not right. I want the doc to help them.”

“The entire town is in the hospital. Carol’s parents arrived yesterday. They need help to breathe, but Derrick and your other close friends took the six ventilators we had. Put masks on your wife and kids. We have mobile beds available. I’ll need your help to get them into the triage tent.”

Ray’s face crumples. What had he done?

Despite his best efforts to prove the World Health Organisation, the CDC, and all those who took precautionary measures wrong, Delta Ray Death Star’s kindness and energy instead provided Ion and most of Contra County with the extra space rational folks needed to protect themselves.

Ray’s space wasters now have all the space they need to survive.

This is a work of satire loosely based on real events.