Deep Lake

Nestled deep in the foothills of the Cascades, back on what once was Muckleshoot Indian territory, there lies a modest lake that had been made one of the State Parks. This place was our childhood gem hidden amongst the trees tucked between the valleys and the hills, surrounded by the lichen laden Ponderosa Pines & rich green vegetation from the ever-persistent regional rainfall. There was a little dirt & mud running path through the woods along the edges of the water. You wouldn’t know where to find this place unless you were specifically looking for it, especially back then before GPS, but locals knew it well and it was where we spent our summer days catching mud guppies, skipping rocks, hoarding fresh huckleberries off the bushes and flopping around like fish in the freshly melted glacial waters.

Locals had dubbed it Deep Lake because nobody really knew just how deep this lake was. The bottom of the lake was so thick with muck & mud no radar could bounce off it. As muddy as these waters were, you couldn’t see the bottom even in the shallow areas, so you shuffled your feet and walked out until it was up to your eyeballs. If you were brave enough you’d venture further to swim out about 20 yards towards the 8ft x 20ft swim dock somebody set out there for us kids to jump off.

For Dad, this place was his escape from Mom & her Honey-Do Lists of the day or just her generally unpleasant personality. At the first sign of a sunny weekend day he’d claim it for a day at the lake. He’d grab the cooler, fill it with ice, make a couple sandwiches, get his fishing pole, tacklebox and a little folding chair & on the way he’d stop and get a case of Coors Light & bait. He’d cast a line & dream all his big dreams he never quite had the ambition to achieve. He knew our Mom was never keen on coming down with, so he used the father daughter quality time excuse, though he wasn’t much of a talker. He did show us how to gather the earth worms from under the rocks in our backyard, but usually we’d just stop at the liquor store and get bait & beer. I’d always grab a nice cold Sarsaparilla. I liked the brown glass bottle with the cowboy etched on it.

Dad showed me how to put the bait on the hook, but I hated it. I’d cringe & apologize profusely to the worm so most of the time I just handed him the worm and the hook. I’d only fish for a little while for his sake although it bored me to tears. Aside from mud guppies, we never caught much of anything. I think I caught the biggest fish in the lake once. It was just a measly 16 inch catfish I had no intention of eating. If we didn’t catch anything that day we’d make a quick stop at the U-Fish fisheries to catch some Trout to show Mom just how busy we were catching dinner and we’d throw all the mud guppies in the small man-made pond we had for our ducks. Their favorite treat. My sister was always nearby and seemed content doing just about anything with Dad or me. We’d bring an inflatable raft and take it out on the lake wondering just how deep it was right over the edges and praying nothing popped our float!

I should also mention that this entire region was plagued with a blend of local legends and myths of bipedal beasts walking in the woods, angry spirits of murdered Indigenous souls, ghosts & monsters lurking in the waters or deep in the forests & real murders that had taken place. The thick moss-covered trees & rocks, heavy fog, muddy pathways, and thick vegetation just added to the mysterious creepiness which made really anything seem possible.

If you arrived at the lake early enough, there was usually a thick fog hugging the water all the way across and you’d just see the dark pines looming upwards off in the distance. This was particularly true in the summers when the warm air rested atop the glacial lake waters. Previously, I’d never gone in the lake until the fog lifted because, although I am a good swimmer, I wasn’t sure if anything was lurking in the depths. What if something pulled me under and nobody could saw what happened?

One day, however, it occurred to me that nobody else was in the water including my sister who never liked to swim out past where she could stand. I loved being entirely by myself to just sit with my thoughts, meditate & enjoy nature. Quite impulsively, that day, I made the decision to swim out to the dock to be completely alone in the mist until it lifted. It just seemed like it would be magical and something I never did before. Dad was getting situated with his chair and cooler and my sister was assisting him so they would not even notice I was gone. To tell the truth, something in me was thrilled by the idea of just disappearing until they could see me when the fog dissipated. Mostly, however I thought they would not notice I was gone at all, and another part of me thought that if they did, they probably would not care much.

The fog was particularly thick that day, which was so enticing because I could truly disappear! I couldn’t even see where the swim dock was located, but I knew which direction to swim out. I slightly hesitated then stepped into the freezing water. As I got out deep enough where my feet no longer were touching the ground I looked back and I could no longer see the shore & I looked ahead straight into the white swirling abyss atop the dark water. I started swimming. I knew it wasn’t too far, but in the cold water without being able to see it seemed like a dangerous expedition. I let my imagination run wild and I pretended to be a brave explorer & adventurer on a great expedition.

As I was swimming, I suddenly felt something wrap around my ankle, it had a grip and felt like it was tugging me down. It could easily have been some kind of underwater plant or animal or something much more ominous! I screamed, flailing my limbs and lost all control & sense of direction. I fell under the surface and I could see nothing. Whatever it was had let go of my ankle, but I didn’t know which way was up or down. There was no light to be found! I splashed and I was screaming inside of my head, I was in the midst of a full blown panic attack. I forgot how to swim & I lost all my air. I started to give up the fight and as I gradually stopped struggling, my body’s natural buoyancy brought me bouncing to the surface. I felt the draft of cold air on my chilled skin of my arm, I rolled my body over and floated on my back. I opened my eyes to see nothing but the dense white fog engulfing me. I was in the thick of it and I had no idea where I was on the lake. I didn’t know which way to go to the shore or if I was near the dock yet. Tears filled my eyes, my heart racing out of my chest. The panic had not subsided. It had just put me in a state of shock, frozen, unable to move, unable to think. I couldn’t even call out for help. I had a lump in my throat. I stayed still, afraid to move and floated.

I started to wonder if I could just go to sleep. I became overwhelmingly drowsy. The sudden release of adrenaline had depleted me and now my body felt heavy, even in the water, my eyes closed, I let myself give in to the urge for sleep. I wasn’t sure if it was a dream, but as my ears were bobbing in and out of the water, I thought I heard a voice below the water. It sounded like a child’s voice though distorted and muddled. I could not quite make out where it was coming from or what it was saying, but it was getting closer to me. I heard a giggle which startled me. I opened my eyes

As I was floating, a pocket of warm water began to swirl around me and I heard someone breathe. I quickly opened my eyes and still nothing but white fog. The water was cold again. I lifted my ears from the water to see if I could hear better. I heard the trees in the breeze & a small murder of crows calling out to one another from across the lake. I lowered my head back in the water and closed my eyes again. Then, a child’s voice so clear right above my head playfully called out to me saying “this way silly.” I felt a tiny cold hand wrap around my left wrist and give a small yank in the same direction of the voice then it was gone. I turned and swimming in that direction with all my strength. As I swam the water around my body felt warmer and after only a couple short strokes my hand hit something cold and metallic. It was the swim step! I was at the dock! I must have been floating less than 10 ft away! Quickly, I pulled myself up out of the water and stood shivering on the floating platform.

When I finally caught my breath, I slowly walked the perimeter of the tiny dock looking for any other children. I squinted to look in the water. I heard and saw no one else anywhere. The fog still sat heavy & thick on the water. I was completely alone exactly where I had wanted to be. I had no idea how much time had even passed. It could have been minutes or hours. I sat down right in the center of the dock, crossed my legs and stared into the foggy abyss. I heard a splash not far from me and heard another giggle. Just in case I called out “Thank You!” I turned my attention inward to calm myself into a relaxed state, reflecting on my experience & wondering if the same spirit that had saved me was also the same that first tried to pull me into the depths of Deep Lake. When the fog lifted, I left & found my family that had, as suspected, not even noticed my absence. They had assumed I was doing the walk around the lake or playing in the shallows. I thought it best to keep my story to myself…until now.