Dancing Around the Bull

“Grip both sides of the bull tightly. Get the hand wrapped and scooch. Scooch the body toward the bull's shoulders.” I repeated the professional bull rider’s directions over and over. “How are you feeling son?” My dad asked as he climbed up. “Serious adrenaline rushing through me.” Why wouldn’t it be, sitting on top of a one ton rodeo bull. “Ready!” I shouted. My dad slapped the bull and signaled, it’s time. The bull was ferociously outraged. This is what you want for points. Points are awarded for control, posture, and for the difficulty of the beast. This beast was named Maniacal Violence. Regardless of the outcome, this is my first and last ride. The bull stormed out. The rodeo crowd was a blur, their shouts were muffled. The bull spun around lunging forward, up and down bucking forward and backwards. His legs flew high behind him and he almost flipped over time and time again. “Maniacal Violence looks like he is trying to turn the tables on this young bull rider. He isn’t distressed, he looks straight up outraged. Who’s dominating who today at this Texas Rodeo?” The announcer was a three time champion, he understood the danger I was in. “This bull’s brain isn’t wired for submission, Cayman needs to hold on tightly, it’s one for the records people. Send in the clowns, this kid needs help and fast.” I could hear the announcer calling out for back-up. The look of sheer terror filled everyone’s faces. “You’re cruel and unpredictable aren’t you, old boy?” the clown was not joking with this bull. “This bull is too much for this circuit Wally. Let’s clap and divide. Cayman, wink your right eye if you hear me. When we clash these cymbals on three, you let go, get to safety.” I winked and slowly loosened my grip, took the rope off, waiting to be thrown. All my ballet classes would come in handy now. My leg would twirl over this muscle twitching beast, over my head and I’d flip down. The clash came too soon. The clowns ran in different directions. The bull paused deciding who would pay the price. As Maniacal leapt forward, I threw my leg over him and when I landed, I made the mistake of looking back. I saw Wally flying in the air over the bull. Wayne, the other clown was doing everything to get his attention. As Maniacal Violence turned, he caught me out of the corner of his eye. I heard my dad calling out to me. “Cayman, climb. Climb, son.” Dad’s hand was stretched to its limits. He caught my glove but it slid straight off my sweating palm. That bull jumped in the air and missed me by less than an inch. His horn print was forever embedded in the wood. “We got you, we got you son.” My dad held me close. “Don’t move, it isn’t hurting now, but it is going to.” The bulls horn luckily hit my belt buckle before swiping my side open.

“What happened next daddy?” He didn’t even blink. Kathy spun around and sat on my lap. “Cayman, stop telling that story. He wants to be a bull rider.” My wife placed Theo on my back. She pulled the blanket around my chest. Theo scooched up high. Kathy opened the gate and off we went. His giggles and screams were a delight. I quickly rolled him over and started tickling him. Theo and his mother tagged teamed up and took me down. We were all brushing our teeth and getting ready for adventurous dreams when Kathy brought in the gift. Theo ran to her and sat beside her on the bed. “Is that for me?” He whispered with pure hope. “It is.” I said sitting in the chair beside them. “What is it?” Theo hated surprises, just like his mother did, “Open it and see’.” At two and a half years old, he questioned everything. “Where did it come from?” “Mommy and daddy got it when you were at Grandmama’s last week.” Kathy was as excited to see the gift as he was. She tore the corner open and the two started ripping it apart. “A tiny boot and a cowboy hat? I got these already.” He said in disappointment. “You do, wait this isn’t for you? Mommy’s sorry.” “Where’s mine?” He reached up for his gift. “It’s here,” I placed my ring hand on Kathy’s stomach. “Remember you told daddy you wanted something special?” Kathy chimed in. “A puppy. Mommy has a puppy in her tummy.” He laughed so hard he fell over. “No, not a puppy silly.” Kathy continued, “It’s a brother or sister.” His eyes opened wider than before, and a happy note flowed out. “Is it a little brother?” He asked rubbing her tummy gently. “We have to wait and see. We don’t get to make that decision baby. What would you do it it’s a little girl?” This was the moment we were waiting for. He thought long and hard. Then he stood up, positioned himself to lean in and sweetly kissed her tummy. “Little girls love kisses. How long do we wait mommy? I’m a big boy.” Theo wrapped his arms around Kathy and softly talked to his little brother or sister. Each day Theo became more and more excited and ready for his baby. He came up with names like Colt if it was a boy or Filly if it was a girl. We finally made a deal with our little cowboy, if it is a girl mommy names her and if it’s a boy, Theo names him. Thank goodness for modern technology or we might have a Brucie the bull or a Charlie horse branded on our child for life. “Daddy,” I heard a terrible fearful squeal coming from the nursery. I hadn’t moved that quickly ever. I rounded the corner and slid across the wooden floors. “Kathy are you ok? Kathy, baby!” I was dialing 9-1-1 as fast as my fingers could dial. Theo was crawling all over me and crying, “She won’t wake up daddy. Fix her daddy.” A ladder laid on its side behind her. It wasn’t until she woke up in the hospital that anyone knew exactly what had happened. Theo had been playing rodeo while mommy was hanging a carousel around the light. He suddenly became the bull rider in the story. Kathy became a clown in his imagination. As he flew by the ladder, kicking and spinning, his arms flopping and flailing around, she came tumbling down. Thankfully she was going to mend perfectly, Theo never left her side.

“Welcome to the World, little Adeline.” I placed her gently into Theo’s lap. He definitely had the whole world in his hands and he knew it. You could see the surge of unconditional love flowing through him to her. “What do you think little man?” Kathy asked dangling her feet from the bed Theo kissed her forehead and rocked her gently. “I love you. Me and mommy are going to take real good care of you.” Kathy winked at me realizing he left me out of the scenario completely. Something had changed since the day of the fall. Perhaps it had always been there and I hadn’t noticed. Theo no longer liked to bull ride and he lost interest in the bedtime story, he had hung up his boots and cowboy hat and moved onto sports and big brother adventures and it almost seemed he had moved on from me. “Honey,” Kathy sang out to me, “we are pregnant.” I stood in disbelief. Kathy always wanted three children and close together. Theo was barley older than 3 and Adeline was only 5 months old. She was glowing. “Cayman, you don’t look so good.” She jumped on the bed with her arms around my neck. “I’m fine.” I said dazed. Several months into the pregnancy Kathy began to have problems. We saw doctor after doctor. The baby was a girl. Theo called her Allie the moment we announced the good news and the name stuck. “Allie,” The doctor explained, “Has a rare situation. We will not know until later but I’d like to match family and the children in case we need a kidney transplant.” Kathy and I held on tightly to each other. “Modern technology, this isn’t as harsh as it sounds. The siblings are a 25% match we know already. We can see which one has a higher match in case it’s an emergency.” Kathy stepped out of my clutches. She was strong and assured of what she wanted in life. “Doctor if it was me or the baby, I’d say me, I can’t say I will put my children at risk.” Tears fell from her eyes onto her burning cheeks. “She can have mine, Mommy. Doctor said I only need one.” Theo was very intuitive and intelligent even at his young age, not to mention generous. Kathy scooped him up and cried, which in turn made Theo cry, then me and Adeline began. “It’s a simple procedure to match. It’s responsible and it isn’t a definite. Be wise and be prepared.” Dr. Talbot suggested with some warm pats on our backs and shoulders. We took his suggestion and learned all we could about the road ahead of us. A few weeks later we were called back into the office. “Adeline is a small 25% match and for that I wouldn’t cut this darling open.” He took a drink of his coffee. “What about Theo?” Kathy asked. Our hearts were standing still. “Cayman, can you bring the children out for a moment please, Kathy can explain to you after. Too much for little ears, you understand.” After we arrived home and had the kids down for a movie and nap I asked Kathy what the doctor thought we should do. She looked pale. She moved around to the opposite side of the counter. “Theo isn’t a match. Adeline is too young it’s too risky. The doctor said Allies little body is doing what it needs to do.” She sat on a stool. “That’s great news baby. Why couldn’t he say that.” I laughed in confusion. “Theo isn’t a match. He isn’t a blood match. Cayman, Theo isn’t yours.” I felt like I was just trampled on by a bull.