Creepy Crawlies

Bing dida ling ding dong ding daaaaang.

The sound of a banjo is distantly heard on the bayou.

The moaning of the earth starts and the plucking ceases. The earth split open like a pair of butt cheeks at a prostate exam and what poured out was worse than shit.

CRAWDADS

Bubbling like a boiling pot of water, the crustaceans tear their way through the mud and water towards the shore. Their first victim, a hillbilly by the name of Philly-Joe. All he wanted was to play his beautiful music. He had a following and a crowd that would listen to him every Saturday night at the pub, his wife, his sister, and his cousins which were all in fact some of the same people. They would never hear is beautiful music again. In fact, most of them will never hear anything again as the red insect-like fiends found their way to them as well.

No human knows why they came out of the mud to kill. Their reasoning however, was simple. They seemed to believe that by consuming humanity, they could gain its power. They also wanted revenge for their brethren that were feasted upon. But most of all, they were HUNGRY.

The assumption of gaining humanities strength was right. They started to gain human like features. Starting with increased size, and then legs that began to look like that of a human baby. They used the toes on their feet to snap and communicate before they could use their later developed vocal cords on their backs.

The result was a plethora of monstrosities that barely resembled crawdads or people, and they ruled the earth.

Some people were left, and in a final battle they fought for humanity. The final battle took place where it all started, Louisiana, United States. The rest of humanity traveled from far and wide to take on the beasts in their home field.

They have been running and hiding, barely able to fend off the vile beings that now ruled the land for the last 12 years and finally mankind found a common enemy. No longer did they fight amongst each other, minds set and extinguishing the monarchs of the new world.

A hero emerges by the name of Cletus, sporting a locket shaped like a heart which held the pictures of his two sons, both who had been devoured by the creatures he now was fixing to annihilate. Buck teeth, overalls, and incest galore he led 2 million of the world’s finest civilians into the fight of their lives. His plan was not to kill them with weapons, but to use the old fashioned way that he knew best. They had a good ol’ Cajun cookout, and the best part is that they could have a victory feast of the enemy’s flesh.

Fires by the thousands were sparked and the biggest pots imaginable held the heating water that was humanities last hope. They surrounded the bayou, millions of giant pots ready to spill. One million people manned the water boiling while the rest fought off monstrosities.

Many lost their lives, and in the end the boiling water, which also contained seasoning, did it’s job. Some of the men, women, and children who were fighting off the crustaceans fell victim to the hot water as well, and we thank them for their sacrifice, their names engraved on plaque that now rests at the battleground.

People ruled the earth again and all seemed well. To ensure that it would never happen again, all crawdads and other intelligent creatures were eaten by the remaining humans. As time went on and humanity grew again, many animals became extinct and the effect that it had on the environment proved fatal. Ecosystems were destroyed, and humanity ultimately killed themselves with the rest of the world.

Smaller creatures remained, like the water bear which later evolved to be the new ruler of the earth. Having now survived 6 major extinctions, it seemed likely that they would rule for a long time, and they did.