Comforting Food

Brian sat at his desk in his big Hollywood office and even after four Scotches, couldn’t figure out the ending to his show. Out of Order was finishing up its third season in a Primetime slot, and Brian and his team were putting the final touches on the recently picked up fourth season.

The phone rang for the fifth time that night. The four previous times, Brian was greeted by a different employee checking in on him. They were pissing the boss off, more so now that he’d had his Scotch.

“I know you aren’t trying to piss me off,” Brian said into the phone. “But leave me the fuck alone. Do not call me again, and just so you take the God damn hint - if anyone else calls me, I’m going to fire you specifically.”

Brian hung up the phone and stared at his computer screen. He watched as the cursor blinked. With each blink, he could feel his face getting closer to the screen and the blinding glare of the fluorescent light burned his pupils.

The phone rang again. Brian looked over to the phone without turning his head. He sat up straight in his chair, picked up his glass, and in one big gulp, finished his drink. He exhaled and picked up the phone.

“You all have a death wish.” Brian stopped. His eyes shrunk and his ears listened. “Oh, hey, Dad. No, I’m sorry. I didn’t…No, I’m just having a rough night.”

Brian grabbed the bottle and tilted it enough for a splash to drop into his glass, but then he stopped pouring. He stopped blinking. He stopped breathing for a moment. He lowered the bottle down to the table.

“What are…no, that’s not possible. I just talked to her this morning. She was fine. Dad…I’ll leave first thing in the morning. Okay.” Brian slowly hung up the phone as if he couldn’t make a noise or he’d wake up somebody sleeping nearby.

He sat still for a long minute. He reached out and grabbed the bottle and filled up one more shot-sized drink in his glass. He let his arm fall this time and the bottle clunked down on the table. He put his hand on the desk and stared at the warm liquid and the ripples trickling to the walls of the clear glass. He picked it up and quickly swallowed it down.

He put the glass back on the table and (the room? Office?) was silent for a short second before the phone started ringing. He looked at the blinking light on the set. It rang. He looked out the window. It continued to ring. His eyes grew heavy and he let them close gently.

The next evening, Brian stood outside of his childhood home staring at the sun setting behind the roof. He leaned on his convertible with his arms crossed. While he was ready to move, he couldn’t get either of his feet to take the first step. He looked down at his feet and tried to understand why he couldn’t move.

“Hey loser,” said a soft voice from the other side of the yard.

Brian smiled as his older sister stepped out of the passenger seat of her car and she smiled as her eyes landed on his. Before he realized it, his feet were moving eagerly toward her. She covered most of the yard with her arms out wide. When she got to him, Brian picked her up and swung her around. He kissed her on the cheek and as he put her feet back on the ground, he looked into her eyes deeply.

“Beth,” he said relieved. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She smiled without showing her teeth.

“Hey, Brian,” said another woman’s voice.

Brian leaned in and hugged Beth one more time tightly and peered over her shoulder at the other woman. It was Melanie Paul. An old friend from their childhood.

“Melanie, what are you doing here?” Brian asked.

“Just helping out an old friend,” Melanie said smiling at Beth.

Brian side-hugged Melanie when she got closer and he kissed her on the side of the head without ever letting go of Beth’s hand.

“How are you?” Beth asked him.

“Me? I’m fine. I’m the same. How are you?” Brian tugged on her hand. “Is everything…”

“Official?” Beth finished. “Signed the papers yesterday. I am…” Melanie stared at her friend with a half-smile. Beth said unfamiliarly, “A single woman.”

“I’m sorry, Beth. Tough couple of days,” Brian said.

“That’s why we drink. Isn’t that what you would say?” She pushed Brian back and he didn’t look proud. “Come on. Emerson is inside already.”

“He is?”

“Didn’t he call you?” Beth asked her younger brother.

“No,” he responded. Beth and Melanie walked ahead and Brian followed far behind. He whispered to himself, “Dick.”

Brian walked into the house and closed the door gently. He watched as Melanie and Beth were hugging other members of the family. Emerson was the oldest of the four children. He was happily married to Stephanie and they had two young children. Seven-year-old Aaron and four-year-old Emily sat on the couches playing on their iPads. Stephanie and Emerson hugged Melanie and Beth and then switched. They all spoke in such quiet voices that were appropriate when greeting others after a parent died.

After giving a firm hug to his younger sister, Emerson connected eyes with his younger brother and stared. Brian nodded and Emerson couldn’t believe that was it.

“Get the hell over here, what are you doing?” Emerson said.

Brian walked over to him unenthused. Emerson hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

“How are you, little brother?”

“Oh, I’m fantastic,” Brian responded sarcastically.

“Don’t be an ass,” Emerson said. “Kids, your aunt and uncle are here.”

Brian watched the kids make no effort to respond. Their heads were buried in their screens. “Hey, Aaron! Hey, Emily!” Brian said loudly and waved childishly.

They didn’t move. Emerson shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes at Stephanie.

“They’re lovely kids,” Brian said to his older brother.

“Don’t be an ass,” Beth said to him.

Emerson smiled and hugged his younger sister again.

“Where’s dad?” asked Beth.

“I don’t know.”

“He’s not home?” She asked.

“He hasn’t been home since we got here,” Stephanie said.

“How long have you been here?” Brian asked.

“A couple of hours,” Emerson answered.

They all looked at each other for about two seconds before moving on to the next family member to look at (they all quickly glanced around at one another). Nobody had any guesses as to where their father could have been, but then they heard a loud crash from inside the garage. Panic spread across all of their faces and one by one they jogged out of the living room, through the kitchen, sprinted through the mudroom, and opened the garage door. They piled through the doorway and stopped in disgust when they saw it was just the youngest member of the Behrens family.

Tavic, who was twenty years younger than Emerson, and his girlfriend, Erin, were in the garage laughing. A box of pots and pans had fallen over and it was enough to tickle them with glee. A large cloud of smoke hung above their heads, too.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Brian said loudly.

“Hey! Language, dick!” Emerson said. Emerson and Stephanie looked around, but Aaron and Emily weren’t in there.

“Yeah, that’s right. Your brain-dead kids didn’t even move from the couch,” Brian said flippantly.

“Shut up, asshole,” Emerson retorted. But he stopped and quickly looked at the youngest. “What the hell are you doing?” Emerson took a few huge steps to his youngest brother and grabbed the joint out of his hand. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

“Hey, man!” Tavic screamed.

Emerson pushed him and stuck his finger up at his nose. He stopped and turned to the woman of the family and dropped his arms to his side.

“Tavic,” Beth said. She walked over to him quickly and hugged him. Tavic jumped into her arms as if she was saving him from Emerson. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Tavic said cowardly.

“He’s the asshole,” Emerson and Brian said at the exact same time. They shook (high fives?)hands and celebrated the coincidence.

“Oh, will you two shut up? I’ve heard enough dicks and assholes already and I’ve been here for five minutes. It’s like Mrs. Winefred lives on the corner again,” Beth ranted.

“Who?” Brian asked.

“Oh, forget it,” Beth said.

“She lived on the corner. Everyone thought she was running a brothel,” Emerson said quickly to Brian.

“Oh, the hot old lady in the red house?”

“What?” Emerson was appalled. “No. That’s disgusting.”

Brian smirked naughtily and nodded. “She was hot.”

“You’re an idiot,” exclaimed Emerson to Brian.

“Tavic, what the hell are you doing out here?” Beth asked.

“I’m sorry. I needed to knock the edge off,” Tavic said.

“From what? Your last smoke?” Brian asked.

“What was that, about twenty minutes ago?” Emerson added.

“Stop!” Beth shot them damning looks.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You mean high,” Brian said.

“Shut the hell up! Everyone! We have had enough bad shit going on and the last thing I need is one of you killing each other. I can’t take any more bad news. In fact, I would love some good news. Somebody.” She spoke like an elementary teacher addressing the class.

Beth looked around. Nobody could say anything. Instead, all slowly, they started walking back into the house. Beth gave up too and started following them.

“I have some good news,” Tavic said. Nobody stopped. “I got married!”

They all stopped and walked back into the garage. When they were all near Tavic, they turned and look at him. There wasn’t a single closed mouth between them.

“What?” Beth gasped.

“Yeah, I got married.”

“To who?” Emerson asked.

“To Erin,” he responded and pointed to the girl across the garage.

“Who the hell is Erin?” Brian asked.

“I’m Erin.” She raised her hand and smiled at the group.

“Who the hell is this?” Beth asked.

“I’m Erin.”

“That’s Erin,” Emerson said amused.

“That’s my wife,” Tavic said.

“No,” Beth said.

“Yes,” Tavic responded.

“What? When?” Beth asked.

“Last night,” Erin responded quickly.

Brian and Emerson made eye contact behind the group. Brian cupped his hand to his mouth and tilted his hand back for a drink. Emerson nodded and then walked over to the deep freezer.

Emerson grabbed the handle and lifted up the top. He could barely get his hand in, let alone see into the freezer before Tavic jumped on it and sat down. He hadn’t even noticed Emerson trying to get into it.

“Get out of the way,” Emerson said.

“When dad called me to tell me about mom, I don’t know,” Tavic said ignoring his oldest brother. “I just felt something pulling us to a church on our way to the airport.”

“It was the weed,” Brian said annoyed.

“It was mom, assho–” Tavic stopped as Beth shot him a mean mug.

“It was the weed,” Emerson whispered to Tavic. Emerson opened the fridge instead and grabbed two beers. He tossed one to Brian.

“I can’t even believe this. How long have you two known each other?” Beth asked.

Tavic and Erin looked at each other and neither one of them could put a conclusive number on it.

“I don’t know,” Tavic started.

“A couple of weeks,” Erin finished.

“A couple of weeks?” Beth repeated shocked.

“How old is she?” Brian asked Tavic, as if Erin wasn’t in the room.

“I’m twenty-three,” Erin said.

“Years old?” Brian was shocked.

Tavic and Emerson glanced at each other confused as if Brian didn’t understand how age worked. Stephanie smacked her husband in the stomach and telepathically urged him to be the mature one.

“Dad is going to kill you,” Beth said.

“Unless…” Brian began.

“Stop,” Emerson said.

“Okay, enough! Everyone get your dicks and assholes back into the house,” shouted Melanie. Her tone was scary enough to work and they all left the garage and headed back into the cool house.

Melanie stood there silently watching Beth almost on the verge of tears. When Beth saw that Melanie was waiting for her, she smiled and the sadness drifted away. Beth walked up to Melanie and they kissed. Short at first, and longer for a second time. They smiled and turned to the door where Tavic was once again standing.

“Okay…” he stared. Both of the women were nervous and uncomfortable. “I know I’m high so if you tell me I’m seeing things, I think I will believe you.”

Beth took a long deep breath and squeezed Melanie’s hand. “I’m gay,” she said to him. “It is the reason Mark and I got divorced.”

The women squeezed their hands as they awaited his reaction. He nodded, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “cool.” He turned back into the house and left them alone.

“Cool,” Melanie said.

“Cool,” Beth repeated.

A few hours later, the group sat around the kitchen, some of them at the table, some at the island stools, and some standing off to the side. In front of them were five large half-eaten pizzas. Cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers, sausage. Sodas and beers were cracked open, some had spilled on the counter.

“I’m starting to worry about dad,” Beth said.

“He’s fine,” Emerson replied. “He texted that he was going to be late.”

“I know, but what the hell could he possibly be doing.”

“Grieving,” Brian said.

“This pizza is disgusting,” Emerson’s youngest, Emily, said.

“Emily Behrens,” said Stephanie.

“No, she’s right,” Emerson said.

“It’s fine. It’s pizza.”

“It’s fucking gross,” Tavic said.

“Language,” Emerson spat. “And thank you. See even the ‘munchies’ thinks it is gross.”

“It isn’t any Mac and Please,” Beth said.

Everyone got quiet. They all held their pizza, some looked at it, and some chewed the rubber slowly.

“No,” Brian said.

“No, it’s not,” said Tavic.

“No. No, it isn’t Mac and Please,” Emerson said. The four siblings smiled at each other.

“What? What’s Mac and Please,” Melanie asked.

Beth wiped her hands and mouth and stood up tall to explain. “When we were younger, my mom made the most delicious mac and cheese. None of us, to this day, know how she did it. I mean, we have the recipe, but nobody could duplicate it. It was incredible.”

“I’ve tried every month since I moved out twenty years ago and I can’t do it,” Emerson said.

“I am friends with a world-famous chef back in LA,” Brian said.

“Oh, how nice, your heinous,” joked Tavic.

“Shut up, dickweed,” Brian said. “I gave him the recipe and even his wasn’t as good as mom’s.”

“How’s that possible?” Melanie asked.

“I don’t know,” Beth said. “There is nothing like my mom’s Mac and Please.”

“Why do you call it that? Mac and Please?” asked Melanie.

Beth started laughing and pointed at Tavic. Brian and Emerson chuckled, too.

“I couldn’t say my C-Hs when I was younger,” Tavic admitted but was embarrassed to do so.

“Oh my,” his new wife said with pity.

“But he kept trying to say more mac and cheese please,” Beth said.

“After a while…” Emerson started. He smiled at the memories.

“After a while, it just became Mac and Please,” finished Tavic.

“It was so good, everyone always wanted seconds,” Beth said.

“And thirds,” Brian added.

“And fourths,” Emerson and Tavic said jointly.

“After a while, it was Mac and Please,” Beth said with a small tear in her eye. “Because we got tired of saying ‘more please’.”

There was finally a peaceful moment. The four siblings thought about their mom and the long battle that she had. She never stopped being a mom to them, though. It was welcoming to see each sibling chew their pizza with a small smile as they remembered their own special moments.

“I’d hate to ruin this moment,” Emerson said right on cue.

“Then don’t,” Tavic said to him while his mouth was full.

“Stephanie and I have been talking a lot about it and we’ve decided…” Emerson took a drink and looked at Brian. Nobody seemed to know what was going on except Brian. The middle child shook his head, but that turned to a nod mid shake. Emerson said, “We’ve decided to sell the business.”

Beth’s eyes closed. She finished chewing and washed down the cheese stuck on her teeth with a cold beer. She started to laugh softly because it was better than the alternative; anger. She looked at Brian and then looked at Melanie. Both of them could see Beth’s frustration.

“I know that there are some certain feelings about that and I am happy to talk about them but know that a lot went into this decision.”

“A lot went into this decision?” Beth mocked his tone.

“Beth,” Melanie put her hand on Beth’s shoulder.

“No, I’m okay,” she said to her new girlfriend. “A lot went into this decision? Tell me, Emerson, what went into this decision? What ‘a lot’?”

Emerson looked at Brian again, but Brian wasn’t going to offer any help. He did not seem to be on Emerson’s side with this but did appear to have already had time to digest the decision.

“I don’t know. Thought. Prayer,” Emerson said.

“Oh, Prayer!? You prayed a lot did you?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Beth,” Said Emerson’s wife.

“No, stop, Steph! Don’t.” She put her hand up to Stephanie, who was not all pleased, and walked over to Emerson until she was close enough to push him in the chest. “‘A lot’ would be talking to us about it. A lot would be having the fucking decency to call me on the phone and talk about it like a man.”

“It isn’t your decision. You didn’t want any stake in the business. I own half and Brian owns the other. It wasn’t your call,” Emerson said.

“I don’t give a shit about who owns what.”

“It’s not your company,” Emerson blurted.

“It is mom’s fucking company!” Beth pushed him again. There was a sad silence over the room. “It’s mom’s. And I’m her daughter. And for that reason, I have as much say as you do. You asshole.”

Beth stepped back and walked back to her seat. She and Stephanie made eye contact, but Stephanie understood her sister-in-law’s argument and quickly lowered her eyes to the ground before looking back up at her husband sadly.

“Beth,” Brian said. He watched her take another drink before her gaze damn near broke his soul.

“And you agreed to this?” She asked him. Brian nodded confidently. “How long did it take for you to agree to sell off mom’s life work? Let me guess, just one drink?”

“Beth.” Melanie put her hand on Beth’s shoulder again, but she wasn’t being heard.

“Just another sellout move from Mr. Hollywood.” Beth stared at her younger brother with years of built-up anger. The others in the room couldn’t look. They turned their attention to another slice of pizza, another beer, or just at the walls or the ceiling.

“Go to hell, Beth,” Brian said.

“If there was a paycheck that came along with it, I’m sure you’d be the first one going.”

“Do you have something to say to me?” Brian stood up and wiped his hands with an old Christmas napkin. It was all they could find from the cabinets.

“How about this?” Beth took another long sip and wiped her mouth. “You should have been around here to help out when mom got sick, but you bailed. You took the money and ran off to Hollywood.”

“It was my job.”

“Bullshit,” Emerson said.

“What?” Brian couldn’t believe another one in the room felt the same way.

“You are an amazing writer, Brian,” Beth began. “You could have written anywhere. You should have stayed in town and written a fucking novel. You could have written a dozen of them. Everyone wanted to work with you.”

“That’s not true,” Brian interjected.

“But you took the first big offer and sold out for the money. For what? To write for some cheesy fucking Law and Order knockoff?” Beth put her face into her palms and wanted to scream into her hands. She looked back up at both of her brothers. “You said you’d always be there. And you told mom you’d take care of the company. Fucking liars.”

Beth stood up with her drink and walked away.

“You should talk,” said Tavic. This stopped Beth cold and everyone else in the room.

“Dude,” Emerson said.

“You’re not the one to talk, Tavic. Stop,” Brian said.

“What?” Beth said to her youngest sibling. She walked closer to him. “What did you need to say?”

“You want to call them liars?” Tavic looked at both of his older brothers, and for a brief moment had a conscious not to spill secrets. But that feeling didn’t last. “Want to tell everyone about your little makeout session in the garage?”

Beth’s eyes grew large. Within minutes, she lost trust in all three of her brothers. Emerson, Brian, and the rest of the group minus Melanie were a bit thrown off and didn’t know what to make of his comments.

“Yeah. I caught these two making out in the garage. Guess Beth has a new secret on top of her divorce that we found out about, what, like three weeks ago?”

Beth was calm, but that exploded like a grenade. She slapped her youngest brother across the face. Tavic put his hand on his cheek and his eyes were big. He couldn’t believe it. None of them could. Beth couldn’t believe it herself and started to cry.

“Is that true?” asked Emerson. Beth couldn’t answer.

“It’s okay, Beth,” Melanie said. She walked up to Beth and hugged her.

“Does dad know?” asked Emerson.

Beth cried into her girlfriend’s arms.

“I hope so.” Brian had a history of saying the worst things at the worst time. The air flew out of the room at that moment as everyone knew he was about to take things too far. “If not, you’re going to give him a heart attack. Put him right into the ground next to mom.”

And there it was. Even though everyone knew it was coming, they still couldn’t believe the lack of filter their middle brother had.

“What did you just say?” Emerson knew what he had said. He actually was hoping his brother would make an apology but knew that was unlikely.

Brian didn’t speak. Emerson made a beeline to the third child and punched him square on the jaw without any hesitation. Brian fell to the ground and checked his face for blood. Everyone gasped. Brian jumped to his feet and charged at the oldest.

“That’s enough!” yelled a strong voice.

Brian and Emerson stopped and it was as if they had seen a ghost. Everyone was silent and still. No one moved a single muscle. They couldn’t even blink.

The patriarch of the family stood at the entrance way to the kitchen. It was the first time they’d seen Bill since giving news that his wife had died. He was walking into a war scene but was able to stop it all in two words.

“Dad,” Beth said. “Where were you?”

“Shut up,” he responded. “All of you. Do not say another word. This is how you pay respect to your mother? Go to bed. Now. Do not say another word.”

The siblings looked at each other. They honored their father’s wishes and didn’t speak. One by one they all left the kitchen. Beth was the only one that walked up to her father. She kissed him on the cheek and then they all went to bed for the night.

The next morning, Brian felt awful about what he’d said, but that was usual. He always found himself wishing for a time machine to go back and change the things he’d said or done. But he wasn’t smart enough or mature enough to just simply stop saying and doing stupid things. He was hoping to be the first one up, the first one to get some coffee, and the first one to watch the sunrise in peace. But he was the second one to pour a hot cup.

When Brian entered the kitchen, his dad was already sitting at the table with a steaming hot cup of his favorite dark roast. Brian poured his coffee without saying a word. He hadn’t noticed until he filled it to the rim that he had grabbed his mom’s favorite mug.

“I don’t know how much you heard last night, but I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I heard it all. From ‘Mac and Please’ to ‘buried next to mom.’ I heard all of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Brian admitted.

“Beth was right, Brian. You are an incredible writer. You create amazing characters, but I think you put so much thought into your characters that you forget to think about real people and the reality that you–we all live in.”

They each took a sip. It was hot, but both of their mouths were numb to hot coffee.

“When your mother first got sick, I had a lot to learn. And in those two years, your mother taught me a lot, but the biggest thing I think she taught me was that I needed to understand the people that I loved. I needed to understand my wife. I needed to understand my children and she helped me learn to communicate more and to put myself in your shoes and to love all of you no matter what.”

“I knew about Beth and Melanie,” Bill continued. “I knew that Emerson was going to sell the business. Your mother wanted to sell it ten years ago.”

“She did?”

“Your mother worked herself to the bone building that business. She was so proud of that store, and it meant everything to her when we expanded, but that feeling went away eventually.”

“Why?”

“She had four children. And the business wasn’t everything anymore. You guys were everything to her. So, she continued to run the store, but it was just a store at that point. And it was everything to Emerson until he found Stephanie and once Aaron and Emily came along, he couldn’t wait for your mother to sell it. We talked about it all the time.”

“I didn’t know that.” Brian slurped.

“And your sister has been unhappy for ten years. I prayed every night for Beth to find true happiness and it wasn’t until the morning she told your mother and I that she was in love with Melanie that I finally saw it.”

“She told you?”

“They told us right here at this very table. It was over a plate of Mac and Please.” Bill smiled. So did Brian. “Happiness only comes when you learn to love.”

“You think I need to find a woman,” Brian said sarcastically.

“No,” Bill spoke seriously. “I think you need to find your store. And build it. Expand. Love comes in many different forms. I’ve seen your fancy office in your fancy building and I’ve watched your cheesy Law and Order knockoff.” He smiled to draw a smile out of his son. “But if you learn to love yourself first, I think you can build a store as amazing as your mother’s.”

Bill stood up and walked around the table. He kissed his son on the top of the head and then walked over to the oven. He began preheating and the beep caught his son off guard.

“What are you doing?” Brian asked.

“Come help me with something.”

Beth, Melanie, Emerson, Stephanie, Tavic, Erin, Emily, and Aaron all woke up around the same time. One by one, they migrated to the kitchen, and one by one, the smell of something delicious pulled them over to the table.

“Is that?” Emerson asked as he walked over to the table.

Beth walked up behind him and put her hand on his forearm. She squeezed his arm and they smiled at each other. She looked at Brian who was sitting at the table next to their father. Tavic was the last one to enter the kitchen and his mouth dropped to the floor when he saw the spread. They all laughed at the youngest’s reaction.

“Mac and Please,” Tavic said softly. There were two large serving dishes in the center of the table filled with the gooiest mac and cheese ever seen. Plates were set up around the table and the entire family sat down staring at their mother’s signature dish.

“How did you…” Beth’s voice trailed off.

“Mom had one more gift for us,” Brian said.

Brian and Bill smiled at each other. “I figured we had a lot to talk about,” said Bill. “No better way to talk than over some Mac and Please.”

“I don’t know if we’ve ever had this for breakfast,” Tavic said.

“I think your mother would be okay with it just this one time,” Bill said to his children. “But we may need some more.”

“I’ll get it,” Brian said.

He smiled at Beth and Emerson and Tavic as he got up from the table and walked down the hall. He walked by dozens of pictures of his brothers, sister, father and mother on the wall and on the tables. He put his fingers on the very last one in the hall. It was a portrait of the entire family.

In the garage, he opened up the deep freezer and grabbed a bag of mac and cheese. In the last few weeks of their mother’s life, she spent days making Mac and Please. She sealed them and froze them for her family. The deep freezer was filled with over a dozen bags of it. Enough to keep them talking for weeks.