Circumcision Machine

During the sixth decade of the twenty-first century, circumcision became obligatory to assure men of freedom of choice and pleasurable sexual intercourse. For joyous copulation, a man had to be circumcised before the voting age of twenty. Following that crucial chronology, it was well known worldwide that a man would be infected with Benisitis, the penis-voting controller, a genetically engineered virus of myriad mutations that was created by Benis Priestly, the President of the United Continents of Earth. Having decided to remain the President for the rest of his life, this virus assured him of at least half the votes. Following a man’s twentieth birthday, Benisitis would invade the prepuce of his penis and prevent any possibility of orgasm. To be able to ejaculate, the afflicted man had to vote for Priestly in order to access a four-year, gene-coded antidote. Priestly’s slogan was appropriately:

A vote for Priestly is climax.

One for the other is no sex.

The only remedy against Benisitis was circumcision, since the virus made the foreskin its initial home. Machines were devised to accelerate the operation, and success was reported in most cases. Priestly was eventually jailed for life, but most men infected with Benisitis continued to vote for him every four years for the rest of their lives. Successful sex was after all more important than any vote. The twenty-first century came to be known as the Women’s century, since they constituted the largest segment of the voting population. Although the number of valid male voters increased from year to year, the choice of women determined the elections’ outcomes for many decades. Women were finally able to change the world by creating a more harmonious society.

The Case of Dennis was a famous example. He discovered that he had Benisitis on his twentieth birthday during coitus with Willis. Dennis’ parents were saddened by the news of his malaise, and especially his father. He was already infected with the virus, and now, his only son had it too. As for Willis, he was nineteen but unlucky. A few months following his love night with Dennis, the remedy was made available and he went to get circumcised. Unfortunately, having been the first model and still imperfect, the circumcision machine amputated a larger part of his penis. Physicians proposed two solutions: a transplant or a superior synthetic replacement, accompanied, of course, in both cases by a monetary settlement. Willis opted for a different treatment. He became a woman and changed his name to Venice, or was it, Venus. Compensation, of course, was out of the question. Venice (or Venus) kept seeing Dennis, but they grew apart after a few months. Venice (or Venus) met Janice, and Dennis encountered Otis, and they all lived happily ever after.

The circumcision machine kept performing its task to near perfection and kept Benisitis away. Seldom, however, it still transpired that a man lost a little more than the prepuce of his penis.

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Circumcision: It's Healthy You Know

Circumcision.

“What about it?”

Enough said.

“What do you mean?”

It’s good for you, after all.

“Apparently.”

The Jews were hated so much that circumcision was sacked along with other potentially beneficial Jewish truths.

“But how could the Jews have divined that circumcision would be beneficial?”

Perhaps aesthetics leads to the truth, after all.

“It does look prettier circumcised.”

It looks more bearable.

“Especially for a cocksucker.”

LOL!

“It’s no laughing matter.”

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The Foreskin Collector: This Is Not a Horror Story

This is a story that I had heard many years ago, before social media and even before the Internet. There were letters and there were phones, which we still have, so this story could have happened last year, or at least before COVID-19. It happened sometime in the past after the Big Bang. No! It actually happened when the circumcision machine was in full swing.

This man—let us call him M—had an unusual idea. Unusual does not even come close. It was a crazy idea. It was almost insane. You will be the judge of that as well. Homo sapiens are nuts. How nuts are they? As nuts as nuts can be. Even a squirrel would find this nut, nuts.

Our M decided one day, as the title suggests, to collect the forsaken foreskins. He even agreed to pay for each piece that he could get, storing all bits in a special fridge to protect them until their fateful day. Piece after piece, bit after bit, until he reached his goal of enough of them. He even kept the past piece in a heart-shaped locket around his neck.

His friends and family were aghast, to say the least. Some of them were even dismayed. “What are you going to do with all these prepuces?” they often asked in one way or another. “You will live to regret your derision and utter misunderstanding of my passion and compassion for these rejected pieces of human flesh,” he often declared, sure of himself like the crazy President.

The day finally arrived. It was actually evening. His friends and family gathered around as he was about to show them his fabrication. He had sewn all foreskin pieces and bits together and had made a wallet. “A wallet?!” everyone asked and or exclaimed. “Yes! But when I rub it, it becomes a suitcase."