Chronicles of the Astro-Corps, Part 1

"Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say."

"Qaz, what the hell are you talking about?" Jeva groaned.

"What? What's wrong with telling a spooky story while we go on a cool adventure?"

"Well, I was hooked," Kage chimed in.

The group was being stupid, as always. Jeva had been following Qaz through the dense, lush forest a few dozen miles outside of town to some strange location for what seemed like hours. Qaz had pestered him about going there all day until he finally caved. Following along with them was their friend, Kage.

“Come on,” Qaz said. “It’s just ahead of here.”

The three stumbled through the brush and snaked between the many stories-high trees; soon, they found themselves at the entrance to a cave. It was gaping and ominous. An exciting adventure awaited inside! (Maybe.)

“Here it is!” Qaz announced, excited to show his friends the possible adventure.

“What? A cave?” Jeva asked. "This is what you were so excited about?"

“Well, yeah, but we could go exploring!”

“In a cave? Seriously?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“What, so we’re spelunkers now?”

“No, we don’t have any equipment.”

“That makes this sound smarter to you?”

“I think it sounds super fun.” Kage agreed.

“Yeah," Qaz nodded at Kage. "Plus, Jeva, you’re always saying you agree that you wish we could have more real adventures.”

Jeva sighed and rolled his eyes. “Ok,” he said. “Let’s explore a cave.” He waved his hand outward.

“Great!” Qaz exclaimed pumping his fist.

They all stood around for a few moments in total silence.

“So, uh," Qaz started, his voice faltering a bit. "What do we do, now? How do we go about this?” Qaz asked.

“Oh, jeez. Come on.” Jeva said as he headed into the cave. Qaz and Kage followed earnestly behind.

The three of them wandered through the small, creepy, cavernous cave for a bit, Jeva navigating them through the corridors (even though he had no idea where he was going, either.) The sound of pouring water echoed distantly from the entrance.

"Qaz, did you not check the forecast before we came out here?" Jeva asked.

"No, we're in a cave. Do you check the weather when you plan to stay inside all day?"

"And when we go back?"

Qaz took a moment. "I... did not consider that!"

"So no umbrella?"

"Not even a little bit."

Jeva chuckled and sighed. "Awesome."

Continuing through the craggy caverns of the cave, careful not to cause a catastrophic commotion (not sorry), Jeva kept a close eye on the size of the pathways they went down; he had heard plenty of horror stories of inexperienced explorers going into random caves and getting stuck, never to return. Dying while stuck in a tiny space sounded less than fun.

“This looks like a path worth following,” Jeva said, trying to make himself seem like he had any clue what he was doing; however, it worked well enough for his friends, and it seemed to keep them calm(ish), so he kept it up, like always.

The cave was dark, and each step taken echoed down to the other end. The farther they made it down their chosen crevice, the more space there was around them. Soon, they found themselves standing at the precipice of a huge, eerie pit.

“Well, that was vaguely interesting I guess,” Jeva said.

“What do you mean 'was?'” Qaz asked.

“Dude, there’s a ginormous pit here. There’s nowhere left to go.”

“Ah, but there is! Kage, show him.”

“Gladly!” Kage remarked.

Kage reached into his small backpack and pulled out a silver rod about the length of his forearm with two buttons on the side, one red, and one blue; he clicked the red button, and a sharp end stuck out of the bottom, which he then stabbed into the ground near the mouth of the pit.

“What’s that?” Jeva asked.

“Just watch,” Kage said.

Kage pressed the blue button, causing a large wire to sprout out of the device and into the pit. He then pressed the button again and the wire quickly retracted back into the device.

“See?” Qaz said. “Using that, we could explore the depths of this cave!”

“How do we get back up, exactly?” Jeva asked.

“I don’t understand,” Qaz shook his head in confusion.

“The button to pull it back in is on this side. If we went down there, unless one of us stayed up here, we couldn’t get back up.”

“Oh, well, easy solution, Kage, you stay.” Qaz pressed the button and dropped the tether back down into the pit. He stepped forward to begin his descent down, but Kage stopped him.

“What?” Kage said. “No, I wanna see what’s down there, too. Plus, I designed this thing!”

"Well, then maybe you and I go and Jeva stays behind."

"No way," Jeva piped in. "You guys are just gonna get yourselves killed without me."

"Hey!" Qaz yelled, offended.

"So, Jeva and me!" Kage said.

"I found this cave for us, I should get to go!"

"Why don't we just take turns?" Jeva offered.

"Then one of us misses out on the discovery!"

"Oh, come on!" Jeva threw his hands up, annoyed.

Some awkward silence took up the next few moments after that.

“Well, I’m not staying behind,” Qaz took a step back as he crossed his arms, but this put him too far back and he stumbled. Before he could realign, he tumbled backward into the pit. As he fell, he reached out and caught onto the tether, but before he had time to catch his breath, his weight pulled the stake out of the ground.

Jeva was quick to move and crouched to catch the stake before they both fell too far into the pit. After a brief moment of relief, Qaz looked down and spat. A few seconds passed and he heard it hit something, possibly water.

“So,” Qaz yelled to the others. “This is a lot deeper than I expected!”

“See, Qaz,” Jeva groaned as he and Kage pulled him back up. “This was a bad idea.”

They finished pulling Qaz up to the top, where he rolled over and took some time to enjoy being on stable ground once again.

“Yeah,” Qaz sighed. “I see that now.”

The three of them stood around for a moment but soon started to laugh.

“Come on,” Jeva said smirking. “Let’s go.”

A couple of hours later, the three of them, soaking wet, walked into Jeva’s apartment. He was living with their friend, and his fiancée, Carlyle. She was laying on her back on the couch playing games on her phone.

“We’re back!” Jeva yelled.

“Hey, guys,” Carlyle greeted her friends. “You went somewhere? Where have you been?”

“Oh, we just went on an ADVENTURE!” Qaz answered triumphantly.

“Oh, wow, thanks for taking me along! I am a medic, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. Best on Xarbon. Can treat a severed jugular, what was it?”

“‘Can treat a severed jugular on-scene before paramedics could have time to answer a call.’” Jeva and Kage said in unison.

"That reporter sure did a number on your ego, C.C." Jeva chuckled.

“Oh, bite me,” Carlyle said, playfully throwing a small neck pillow at her fiancé.

“Really, though, it wasn’t much of an adventure,” Jeva explained. “All we did was wander around a cave, find a huge pit Qaz almost fell into, and then—”

“Wait, what? A pit? Was it deep?”

“It was ginormous!” Qaz piped in excitedly.

“Well, jeez, I’m glad you didn’t go inside!”

“What? C.C., come on—”

“Qaz, I’m all for adventure and all, but not being stupid.”

"There's a difference?" Qaz chuckled.

“Ok,” Kage said. “Well, I’m heading out, now, guys. I don’t wanna witness a C.C./Qaz argument, again.”

“No, you do not.” Jeva chuckled.

A bit later, Kage stepped into the apartment of his friend—who was also a galaxy-renowned astronomer—Dr. Simon Wackybrain (yes, really.) Aside from astronomy, Simon had a million other scientific interests and capabilities. He was also a capable botanist, zoologist, inventor, arms maker, mechanic, and tailor. (Basically, he was a total, convenient nerd.) Simon was sitting in the dark, his legs propped up on his desk as he leaned back in his chair and the lights of a few bright monitors illuminating his face.

“Hey, Simon,” Kage started. “How’s it going?”

“Kage, hi.” Simon brushed him off quickly.

“What are you doing?”

“Analyzing some strange data from Zimomnia. I can’t seem to find its star’s signature.”

“Huh, wrong coordinates, maybe?”

“Kage, I don’t get coordinates wrong. Especially not for long populated worlds.”

This was a fair point, as Zimomnia had been one of the first thousand worlds to be terraformed during the Migration. (Also, Simon had an ex that lived there.)

“Well, I invented a thing,” Kage told Simon. He handed him the tether invention he had constructed. Simon looked it over for a few moments, pressing the various buttons to test it out.

“How exactly is somebody supposed to get back up using this when the button is on the stake?” Simon asked.

“Well, I, uh—”

“Kage, stop building things without me around.” Simon chuckled.

“Hey! Shut up.”

Simon laughed. “Really, though, I’d love to hang out and chat, but honestly, I need to get back to what I was doing. Super busy, ok?”

Kage nodded and left Simon’s apartment.

Simon continued to sit in the dark room, pondering the strange circumstance of Zimomnia’s star. He decided to view recorded footage from a Border Satellite near its star to see what he may be able to find. In doing so, he discovered that the star had entered into a miniature supernova-like state and, by all appearances, had been completely destroyed.

“Holy hell,” Simon gasped. “That’s… no, that’s not possible.”

Steven rewatched the footage of the incident over and over, trying as hard as he could to figure out what could possibly have been happening. After what felt like endless viewings, Simon came across a tiny speck that seemed to travel from Zimomnia to the star itself, and again later traveled away from the star shortly before the explosion took place.

“What the hell is that, now?” He yelled, spilling his coffee all over his lap in doing so. “Son of a bitch!” Suddenly, something else on the screen caught his eye. “Oh, sweet lord…”

Simon fumbled out of his chair and stumbled to his phone to make an emergency call.

Elsewhere, Jeva, Carlyle, and Qaz were hanging out watching television in Jeva and C.C.’s apartment.

“Hey, Jeva!” Qaz said punching his friend in the shoulder.

“Ow, dick. What?” Jeva asked, rubbing his arm.

“I just got an awesome idea. So, obviously, you know of the Korali Treasure, right?”

“No.”

“Really? Well, it’s—”

“No, Qaz, I know what it is! I grew up on Xarbon same as you. But I know what you’re going to say. No. No, we are not going to look for the Korali Treasure, man!”

“Dude, come on! It’s an adventure!”

“No! No. NO! You do know how many people have died trying to go after that damn thing, right?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Qaz, no!” Carlyle chimed in. “You guys aren’t doing that, ok? That’s so incredibly stupid and dangerous. At least Jeva’s got his head on straight enough not to do some dumb crap like that.”

“What she said.” Jeva agreed.

Qaz sighed. “Fine, man.”

“Qaz, I just wanna make sure we can be safe.”

“Well, Jeva. That’s not really how an adventure works.”

Before Jeva could reply, Kage burst into the apartment door screaming. “Guys!” He started. “We need to hurry!”

“Uh, hurry where?” Jeva asked.

“Town square! Simon and Commander Serious are giving a planet-wide address.”

“Wait, the Commander is there, too?”

“Yeah. It’s gotta be something big. Let’s go!”

The four of them immediately headed to the town square to see what was happening. They arrived just in time to hear Simon announce his findings from earlier in the day.

“Further investigations lead me to discover that the speck was somehow able to consume the very core of the star itself, and then open a wormhole afterward,” Dr. Wackybrain announced to the Xarbonians. “This enabled it to reach the planet Yv and its star in a matter of weeks only for essentially the same event to occur. This creature appears to be entering the layers of the stars and consuming their very cores. Based on my calculations, this dark force will be in our own solar system in less than a week.”

A fear-fueled frenzy broke out among the crowd, only to be silenced moments later by the planet's leader, Commander Berry Serious (yep.)

“Fellow Xarbonians,” he began with a stern expression that seemed unable to leave his face (mostly because of Botox). “We do have a plan to stop this creature. We will be recruiting the finest soldiers we can conjure up, train them non-stop for the next week, and when that thing arrives we’ll tear it a new one!”

Few audience members’ eyes lit up like the thirty-fourth of Chromevember when they heard the word “recruiting”. One of them was Qaz. The prospect of doing battle with a star-core-eating-space-creature was definitely his odd-tasting cup-of-tea.

Qaz turned to his friends to speak. “Are you all thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Are you thinking that we should get pizza and donuts?” Kage guessed.

“What? No. Well, maybe later? Didn’t you hear Commander Serious? They’re going to be RECRUITING.”

“Qaz, are you seriously suggesting we just join the military?” Jeva asked.

“Not technically, this is just an Emergency Response Force. Why not? This planet needs everybody it can get. Plus, we get to kill some giant monster.”

“You sound completely insane right now,” Jeva stopped to think. He continued, “But I can’t help but agree with you. Who knows what sort of damage that thing will do to the planet when it gets here. Plus... we both would love going on an epic monster-killing adventure.”

“Yes!” Kage added.

“Whoa, you guys can’t just go off on a dangerous adventure! I can’t do anything about you two,” Carlyle gestured toward Qaz and Kage. “But I am certainly not allowing my fiancé to go off on a dangerous mission and leave me here alone.”

“C.C.—“

Carlyle shot Qaz with an opposition-piercing gaze, stopping him mid-sentence.

“Well, hey, I have an idea.” Jeva began. “C.C., why don’t you come with us? I'm sure Simon can pull enough strings to get you in a unit with us. Plus, if we're gonna die, you can just heal us!”

“That is not how that works!!"

“Hello gentlemen,” Dr. Wackybrain greeted the group with a smile. His usually greasy and scruffy white-dyed hair was combed over that day.

“Hey, Simon.” Qaz began. “I have a lot many questions for you. I count four.”

“I’m surprised nobody asked them in the Q&A just now.”

“I didn’t pay attention to that and you know it! Anyway, how could you possibly know that this creature was doing anything to the core? And also, with how light works, how did you—”

“Qaz, Qaz. Oh, Qaz. Just trust me. I’m a scientist.”

“Oh, right. Fair enough."

"Are you guys joining the ERF?" Simon asked.

"That's the plan," Jeva said.

"No!" Carlyle interrupted him.

Less than an hour later, all four of them were beginning their training in an open courtyard in the middle of the city, with what seemed to be the least-picky military in the galaxy (because it really was.)

“Soldiers,” Commander Serious began speaking. “You are all here because you are the last hope our dear planet stands of surviving past this next week. We have one week to train you, and we will not waste an hour of that time. In just one week, that monster is going to be here and in just one week you all are going to kill it!”

Out of nowhere, a blood-curdling screech washed over the crowd, and everybody looked toward the sky to see a gigantic, wingless dragon-like creature, with scales like freshly paved asphalt after the rain, descending upon Xarbon.

“Or, I guess we’ll all just die now.”