Chocolate Kiss

There she is. Sitting on the floor in the manga aisle, with a book in hand. Her back against the shelves. Her eyes deep in the manga she’s reading, piercing through her square, red frames. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops as she reads. A smile plays on my lips. Without looking away from the page she reaches for her frappucino, bringing the green straw to her lips. Her soft lips. My skin prickles with heat. I follow her hand as she sets her drink back down. She sits with her knees together and feet apart. Her coffee brown skin shimmers. Her curly afro out in full glory. God, she is gorgeous! I just want to lay her head on my chest while we watch anime. I want to give her soft kisses so she knows how much I love her; how much I don’t want to lose her. Aaliyah. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. She reaches up to adjust her suspenders. Red suspenders over a white top with a plaid skirt and high tops. Her style is impeccable. Here I am in oversized overalls. She looks up at me. Her eyes are curious. Probably wondering why I’m blatantly staring at her. How long have I been standing here like a creep? I have to say something.

“I really like your necklace.” I blurt.

That did not come out as effortless as I wanted it to. She looks down at her silver pendant, then back up at me.

“Oh thanks!”

She smiles. My heart jumps.

“Your name is Sasha right?”

“Oh. Um yeah.”

I didn’t know she knew my name.

“We had Calculus together. So glad we are done with that! What are your plans after summer?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I don’t really have any plans. I barely have plans for summer. I definitely haven’t thought further than that. I’ll just be honest.

“I would really love to travel. Y’know, like just go see what’s out there. I feel like college is a trap. It’s just going from one sheltered school to another. It’s not like the real world, y’know.”

“Wow. That is quite the perception.”

Now she’s judging me.

“I mean I never would have thought of it like that. The way you think is amazing.”

Her eyes are big and full of wonder. I can’t help but look down. Her gaze is intense. But a goofy smile spreads across my face. I bite my lip to keep it under control.

“So what are you doing here?”

“Oh, yeah well, graphic novels are kind of my jam. I read some manga too, but prefer to watch anime more.”

A high pitched squeal pierces my ears.

“Oh my gosh! We have so much to discuss!”

She pats the ground next to her. I bring myself to her level. I can’t believe I’m actually sitting next to her.

*****

Being with her today was great. We talked, laughed and debated. I love the way her eyes get so big when she’s telling a story. And how her nose scrunches up when she doesn’t agree with something.

“So it seems like you two had a great time.”

Jason’s words pull me out of my memory and back into the black interior of his truck. He glances over at me. He smirks. My heart melts. Heat flushes my cheeks. I am so glad his eyes are focused on the road instead of peering into my soul. He can always see right through me.

“I mean when I came in to get you y’all were laughing. There were wrappers and half eaten bags of gummies and chips. Not to mention you guys had pulled like half the comics off the shelves.”

“They’re not actually comics.”

“Yeah yeah, I know. You tell me all the time.”

He flashes a grin. The butterflies in my stomach awaken.

“So tell me about her. C’mon Sash. I know you like her.”

“I mean yeah. She’s like totally cool.”

“Uh-huh.”

He’s not buying it. We pull up to my house. I hear him put the car in park.

“How long have we been together Sash? Huh?”

My eyes roll to the back of my head. Here we go.

“A year and a half. And before you ask, you’ve known me for three.”

“Okay, so you know I know you. And I know you like her. I mean you’ve had a crush on that girl forever.”

I can feel his eyes on me. Just reading all of me like a book.

“Look, you know I love you. But we decided that once summer ends we’re going our separate ways, for now. You’re going to travel. I start at the university. I’ll mostly be training for football season this summer.”

He got a full ride on a football scholarship. I am so proud of him. He’s worked so hard and deserves it more than anyone. His dark chocolate hand cups my chin, turning my face to his. His deep, brown eyes peer into mine. A warm glow grows in my chest, slowly spreading throughout my entire body.

“I love you Sasha. I will always be here for you and one day I will marry you. But I have never stood in your way of anything. I definitely won’t start now. So tell me about her.”

It’s true. He’s always been supportive of my different journeys. No matter what direction the wind takes me, he always lets me find myself in whatever way I need. This is one of the reasons why I love him. He expresses his concern if he’s worried I might be doing something for the wrong reasons or if something feels like it could be dangerous. Our relationship isn’t of the norm. It’s not filled with jealousy or control. There’s no codependency. I let him do as he pleases. We talk about everything. We’ve always had such strong communication and understanding of each other. Because of how much we love each other, we don’t want to stand in each other’s way. People say we’re not a real couple. That we’re just friends with benefits. Or that we don’t really love each other. We ignore those people.

“Oh c’mon. I’m not even sure I want to get married.”

“I know babe. But it doesn’t have to be legal. It can just be symbolic. Whatever is comfortable to you. It’s just my way of showing you how much I love you and that I’ll always be here for you.”

He leans forward. The warmth of his hand cups my neck as his thumb strokes my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his thumb. I grab his hand and softly kiss his knuckles.

“Thanks babe. I love you too.”

I plant a soft kiss on his lips. He smirks. That heart-wrenching smirk.

“So, tell me about Aaliyah.”

“Okay, fine.”

I tell him everything he wants to know. He listens, laughs and comments. Especially when I tell him about my fantasies of kissing her and how she makes me feel. We talk until it gets dark outside. I give him a kiss goodnight. I get out of the car and head inside. Once in my room, I plop on the bed. I replay the day I had with the most beautiful girl in the world.

*****

Aaliyah and I have been spending every day together. We’ve had sleepovers, gone to the movies, the water park, the art gallery and even a summer concert held in the park. Our main hangouts were my room, her room or the bookstore. Jason hung out with us when he wasn’t at practice. Tonight we’re sitting on the floor in my room sharing a slice of a three-layer, triple chocolate cake. It has the number 18 in white icing on the top. My birthday party was earlier today.

“Oh my gosh! This cake is so good!” Aaliyah’s eyes roll back.

“I know right! I especially love the chocolate chips. My mom really outdid herself.”

“Your mom made this? Wow. She has to make my birthday cake.”

We talk about all the changes we’re about to go through. We’re both excited and scared to begin these new chapters. Aaliyah is going to a prestigious school out of state. She’s worried she won’t be good enough.

“Um you’re definitely going to thrive in that school. They’re lucky to have you. You’re like the smartest person I know!”

“But there will be so many other kids that are smarter than me.”

“Yeah and? Like you also have a great personality and you’re so beautiful. Like really beautiful.”

I gaze at her. Intense longing that pulls at my chest. Her spaghetti strap nightgown hugs her curves. The yellow color compliments her skin. Her curly afro is pulled back in two puffs with a part down the middle. My hand finds its way to her leg. My fingers tingle as I caress her skin.

“You are absolutely gorgeous.”

Her eyes shift away from mine. I pull my hand back. I hope I didn’t make her uncomfortable. Her eyes shift back to me. She closes the distance between us. Her face is so close, I can barely breathe. My skin prickles with heat.

“You have chocolate on your lips.” She whispers.

Before I can respond her lips are on mine. My skin bursts into flames. The prickling heat is now a passionate fire roaring beneath my skin. I kiss her back. My desire for her comes rushing through. My lips tell her how much I’ve wanted her. They speak of how much she means to me.

She pulls back. A nervous giggle escapes her lips. I’m grinning like an idiot. We’re unsure of what to do at this point so we decide to go to bed. She lays on her side facing the window. I hug her waist from behind. She places her hand over mine. My body is floating. Everything feels like a dream.

“I love you.” I whisper, before falling into a blissful sleep.

*****

I stare out the window. More people load onto the plane trying to find their seats. I open my phone and look at my text messages. Still nothing from her. I read Jason’s message.

“Hey babe, have a safe flight. Tell me when you get there. I love you.”

My mom’s message is similar.

“I miss you already! Call me when you land.”

But nothing from Aaliyah. I’ve barely heard from her in two weeks. Ever since my birthday she’s been withdrawn. It’s making me really anxious. Jason told me not to worry about it. He said she probably needs time to process, and reminded me that she’s leaving for school and is probably really focused on getting ready. I hope he’s right. I just can’t shake this anxiety. My lap buzzes. I pick up my phone. There’s her name.

“Aaliyah: New Message.”

My breath catches. I open the message. My heart drops. Everything in me freezes.

“Sasha, I think we should take this opportunity of going our separate ways and keep it that way. Spending the summer with you has been fun and I enjoyed our Chocolate Kiss. But I can’t be with you. Not in that way. I hope you have safe travels and I wish you the best.”

My chest tightens. A lump rises in my throat. Everything around blurs out. I can’t tear my eyes away from the message.

“Excuse me. It’s time to put all electronics away.”

Everything floods back into focus. I force my head to turn to the flight attendant. I nod. My head snaps back to my phone. I don’t understand. She says she liked our kiss. She even gave it a name. Why? I turn my phone off. I go back to staring out the window, but all I can see is her. Hot tears sting my eyes. I am embarking on a new journey. I am moving forward. But I just want to go back to our Chocolate Kiss.