chapter 2 & 3

CHAPTER 2

Summer of 2013

I gave up and I was on the brink of reaching my limit with losing Mommow, Poppow completely turning into this abusive monster. I just couldn’t handle it any more. So, I stopped taking my medicine, and started to starve myself. I just wanted to die. Can you imagine going through emotional abuse countless times being blamed for the death of the person you’ve loved like a mom. I just couldn’t take it any more.

I remember the day all so clear the day I had my mental breakdown, Poppow was gaslighting me and confusing me. No one would believe me about him, no one would. The only person who believed me didn’t even help me was Marlin. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

In a state of shock yet still aware I could feel as though I am watching myself from the ceiling. I wrote my sucide letter, and then I was called to the kitchen.

“Emily, you have to eat and take your medicine.”

“I don’t want to take it, I don’t want to eat, Mommow is gone, she is dead and you are dating a new woman. Don’t you even love her?”

“Yes, Emily I do. But we have to move on with our lives.”

“Did you even grief her?”

It was the first time I ever spoke up like this. I figure this was the first time I ever did this. What else did I have to lose?

“Emily, stop this. You have to eat and take your medicine.”

I remember walking away crying hysterically because my whole world had really turned upside down.

Girlfriend number one was horrible, she was trying to gain my trust by taking me to Amish country to get snacks. Taking my shopping, showering me with gifts. It felt as though she was trying to convince me she was a good person, but she wasn’t.

I can remember the hopelessness and the need to be out of my situation.

I needed an anchor to guide me back to the light. By this time, I’m in my darkest moment.

Later that evening I was admitted into Marymount Behaviour Mental Hospital a catholic hospital in Garfield Heights, Ohio. Eight days felt like an eternity. I lost a good friend or I thought she was when she found out I have bipolar disorder.

I promised myself if I ever got released I would do anything to survive even if I did things that I wouldn’t normally do.

Now the funny thing is no one would ever believe my story about him because he was a picture perfect citizen. A pillar of the community.

CHAPTER 3

New Years Eve 2021

It has been nine years of abuse, of hopelessness. I ask God the same question, why me? Why did I have to go this way? Why do good people who are seen by others under the surface are wicked? To this day I have no answers to these questions.

Looking back at my life I felt like I was being groomed to replace my grandma if anything happened to her. I love my Mommow I really do, and I know it wasn’t her idea to do this. It was his.

By this time, I was engaged to my now husband. I felt like he was my anchor. For years I was told to write a memoir about everything I endured but. I just didn’t want to write about it. For this reason, I was afraid no one would believe my story. Another reason was the truth behind the stories.

Writing about it means it actually happened? And I just didn’t want to believe it. For many years, I knew it to be true.

By this many years Poppow that word is special to me, and he is no longer special to my heart. I vowed to myself, I will always call you old man nothing more.

For nine years he lied to me about my sanity, just because he was afraid to be alone.

The betrayal still stings, I could have done so much with my life. I could have had friends. I could have had a better life. But no he took that away from me.

In the beginning of the year, everything changed for me the day the old man said he would be retiring.