C’est le plus Effrayant

What frightened me the most was how comfortable I became with it. It had the ability to mirror and imitate me down to a fine art. It was charismatic and persuasive and even though it felt good, I was perfectly aware that it might be all bad. All bad because it would destroy any and all things, including me, in order to create time and space for the inevitable. There it lay beside me, beating in rhythm with my own heart. Seconds before, it was merely a cold mysterious metal. How typical, the nostalgic heart shaped locket always waiting to tell its tale. The tales it told me were deeply emotional and personal. Intimately, it shared with me that it was created and gifted to honor, respect, and keep secrets closest to the heart. The locket was privileged to more secrets than one could count. Here and now it was whispering to my soul and inspiring me to believe even deception. This once icy piece of jewelry was now a living and beating heart, asking me to be a witness to the stories it possessed, to bear witness to what it contained and to transcend time. Transcending time would mean that not only me, but the heart shaped locket (whose name I learned was Effrayant), will be as relevant now as when we were created and would never lose our value. We would be eternally sought after, forever together.

The inevitable that I would soon face was that Effrayant was the very definition of her name. Mais Leur-Ils is the small antique shop where I first laid eyes on Effrayant. As peculiar as the little shop was, it was also charming and quite elegant. Mais Leur-Ils was about 75 km south of a small quaint fishing town. It was built on a steep hillside that overlooked the ocean, perched high above a medieval church; it sparkled with wonder. I had later learned that humans have lived in the small fishing town since prehistoric times. Not only was Mais Leur -Ils built above a gem of a town, the diamonds from Effrayant caught more than my eye. She had my undivided attention. The inscription inside her read, “Mais leur victime va se révéler bien plus effrayant, et surtout bein plus dangerous que ce a quoi ils s'attendiant”. An inscription I should have known the meaning of before inquiring to buy. It means, “But their victim will turn out to be much more frightening, and above all more dangerous than they expected.”

I turned to face the truth. “Effrayant, who is the they?” frenetically I asked. Effrayant whispers to me that I am its victim, and that I am more powerful than her, and much more dangerous than they. I repeat the question, “who is the they Effrayant?” Not missing a beat, the heart says, “They who vary in the degree to which they hold confidence in their opinions.” Effrayant continues, “You are more certain about your opinions, this certainty makes you more likely to act on it, and much more probable to accomplish it.” The beats of the heart begin to slow down. “Effrayant, stay with me, please.” I didn’t want to lose this thing that frightened me so. I both loved and hated feeling this way. The heartbeat began to escalate as it spoke, “Victim, if asked what is more terrifying to you, would you say fiction or fact? The response is surprisingly a split decision. Most love to encounter horrific fiction in a safe environment. Never realizing most of the facts you’ve been led to believe most of your life make a secure society, when indeed these facts are truly horrid.” Effrayant breathed deeply and continued, “Victim, your kind has the privilege to cope with negative emotions. Fear makes you feel alive. Your kind has learned to live with and cope with negative emotions. You overcome unpleasant experiences way too fast. When your people inflict horror, your heart elevates, you experience a state of arousal. You live only in the moment.” The heart turned away.

I knew Effrayant was alluding to the unnecessary injustices of the world. Effrayant appeared fragile. She had spoken of a poison that was being used to kill humanity. Its name was indifference. Lockets were created to remember, honor and respect loved ones, and show us the way back to our roots. Being ignored is much worse than being rejected. The they that Effrayant spoke of was put here to make certain people feel like they don’t matter. “They used both disease and technology against the oppressed.” She lured me in with her beauty and her passion. Effrayant’s courtesy to me was intended to make me a casualty by them that are known as they. “You were bait, used to dangle in front of me. They, they knew I love deeply. Those little fishermen, what deviants. You, you must kill me to survive Effrayant.” I called out without any response. Effrayant wasn’t with me. “Effrayant please come back to me.” I pleaded. The heart spoke as faintly as it beat, “Victim I’m in a place of dystopia and resistance.” Effrayant seemed both close and far away. The little locket was in my mind. It was a place I frequented often in my thoughts. I saw Effrayant up a way, leaning on a defense mechanism of mine. “What’s this, Victim?” Effrayant shouted. “It’s the place I justify my guilt. Get away from there.” I tried to catch her, but she moved swiftly through my imagination. “Don’t worry Victim, you won’t catch me unless I will you to do so. Don’t look so sad. You don’t do anything wrong. You just watch the evil being done, just as all of the generations before you.” The little heart was pumping now and my blood pressure was soaring. “Listen up little locket, before I stuff you back in my pocket.” I had wrestled the heart down to the ground. “Do what all of your generations before you did- hide me away.” Effrayant antagonized me.

It was true. I didn’t ever do anything to stop injustice, but the painful thing was that I never lost my desire to. “Victim,” Effrayant called out winded with its heart pumping fast. “Victim, listen, you can challenge authority when the right time comes.” I felt my heart flutter for the first time in a long time. I felt fear and I realized for the first time, Effrayant means frightful. The heart was fearful that I would live my life and never live authentically. Time was fleeting. Effrayant was leaving soon. I was terrified to stand up and afraid to remain seated. “My name isn’t Victim.” I mumbled boldly. “Excuse me, you live like one, look like one, and respond as if you are a victim.” Effrayant responded cruelly. I couldn’t bring the words to dispute this truth. Finally, I said, “My name is Simon Paul.” I slid down the wall to take a seat beside Effrayant. “It’s nice to meet you. Simon Paul. Tell me about yourself.” My little heart was attentively listening for the first time. “You first.” I demanded. “I am Effrayant. Frightful, if I do say so myself. I was locked in your memories and stored away in captivity.” The warm breeze was cooling now and night was falling. “Are you saying you aren’t real?” I woefully inquired. “Critically think about why you have put yourself in positions of fear and suspense. Then insult me again with that question. Am I real. I’m as real as a heart attack.” Suddenly, I became flushed and sweat fell down my forehead. My left arm ached. A tremendous pain had me clenching my chest. “Effrayant.” I quietly reached out for her. “Effrayant, you’re frightening me.” The pain stopped at once. “Is that real enough for you?”

Suddenly I was back in that little shop perched above the church. I could hear the inscription of the locket in a poetic fashion being read to me. A stern voice brought me back to the present. “Mr. Matthews-Robin, Simon, are you with us?” My eyes opened. I was in a court room, on the bench being questioned. “Do you, or do you not recall purchasing this?” “I do.” The words tumbled out. As I looked closely at the pendant that hung within inches of my face, I saw Effrayant mockingly glaring back at me mouthing “I do”. “How did you know where to find this necklace?” he passionately asked. His mouth gaped open and spit and saliva strung from his dry parched lips, like a mad dog ready to pounce. “I was drawn to it.” I heard myself ridiculously stating facts. “Drawn to it. Nine thousand miles away? An eleven, almost twelve-hour flight and a 5-hour car ride up a one way, dreary and dangerous dirt road? You were drawn to it.” Questioning me from the most powerful law firm known, Tawney, Harrington, Ellis and Yancey, was none other than Mr. Tawney himself. “I didn’t go to France in search of the Locket. I stumbled upon it when I was visiting a little shop there.” I announced confidently. “You stumbled upon this locket. The same locket that Jackson Thomas Sr. sold to the then owner in 1937. The same locket that your great grandfather gave to your grandmother days before Jackson Thomas senior murdered her? You stumbled upon this 23 years later? A year ago?” He asked arrogantly. “That is correct” I found myself assuredly answering. “No more questions. The defense rest.” Tawney sat defeated.

Steps of authority were marching down the hall towards me. Then, words instructed me to grab my belongings and pull myself together. I was taken to the judge’s chambers. The judge, my lawyer, my fiancé, and my parents were there. “Please,” the judge asked, “have a seat.” I could smell the aroma of coffee sailing around me. The Judge herself poured me a fresh cup. “Thank you.” I said. “Of course. Your bravery has set many records right today, freed more than just Jackson Thomas Sr.’s good name.” My fiancé held me tight. We walked over to the window looking over the city. I began to drink my coffee. “I wanted to thank you, Mr. Matthews-Robin, on behalf of our family.” Turning around I saw a strong and intelligent man. We grasped hands tightly. “Jackson Thomas III; it is an honor.” he replied. “The honor is mine.” Before I could say more the judge interjected, "We can place your great grandfather in that fishing village with modern technology- but how did you?” Her eyes searched mine, to know the truth. “Mais Leur-Ils is in the background of a picture my great grandparents took at their wedding. I looked up what the name meant in French and it means, But Their-They. Odd right? Honestly it wasn’t until Tawney shoved the locket into my face that I realized the law firm Tawney, Harrington, Ellis and Yancey represented the white supremacist group my great grandfather joined. My great grandmother ran back to her home country refusing to enslave anyone because of their skin color. My great grandfather followed, and after ripping the diamond locket off her neck, he plunged her to her death. Selling the necklace, returning to announce she was missing, and accusing Jackson Thomas of this unbelievably hate filled murder.” I took a drink. “Blame the black man. THEY, the law firm stands for THEY.” Jackson’s eyes were opened. “You were all alone out there, how did you know what to do, where to go?” My mother asked as she clung to my father. “I did what you both always told me to do. I followed my heart.” I held the locket up high, and oh how it shined.

The End.