but i'm singing like a bird about it now [ch: four]

If The Empty ever cared for comedy, It would find it funny that It was able to accomplish something in 20 minutes for which the Winchesters killed angels, risked their lives, and died multiple times. The Empty had a feeling It was due a surplus in the next millennia so It waited. Now It had the surplus of soul. So really this was probably considered malicious patience. The Empty had a lot of that though. No matter; what’s done is done and The Empty would consider it bygones in the face of whoever felt the need to comment on it. No one mattered anyway. Not Chuck, not the Waylight, not Billie, not even those blasted Winchesters and their loud angel friends. 

So The Empty decided to have Amara ripped back out of Chuck. Amara said he screamed when She was ripped out but The Empty replayed the memory from Amara’s abyss, just to see it:

Chuck was crumpled like paper somewhere in a rainforest and when he came to he screamed bloody murder. He searched frantically all around the globe and then sat desperate and ugly in a cave at the bottom of some random earth ocean trying to regain his composure for now. But soon he’ll go after Jack, the Winchesters, and their angel. That’s a given. His players are Lucifer, Michael, and maybe Cas if he remembered how to reset him like Naomi used to. Better play it safe and assume it’s three against four on Team Free Will...for now. 

All the Empty has to do is either wait until Chuck is close enough to Jack for Amara to come into play or for Chuck to kill everyone and then take Him. So when The Empty saw Jack learning to be vacuous with Chuck none the wiser, The Empty put Amara into position.
 
“So, that will be my new one?” Amara asks. 

“Your new what, dear?” The Empty inquires. 

“My new almost brother,” She supplies. 

“Ahh, well Jack is the best alternative to a sibling that keeps us all doing what we want so essentially, yes. Chuck will be subsumed by you and Jack will take His place as your Cosmic Counterpart. Yes. But Amara, they’re far too young. Treat them like a grandchild.”

“I like them. Already. They seem...kinder than Chuck.”

“Louder too,” The Empty says absentmindedly: It was thoroughly enjoying watching Chuck scream bubbles under water while Amara replayed Jack’s life for research purposes. 

“Seems a little lonely, though,” Amara says mostly to Herself. “Not for long.” Amara smiles a small smile in the dark.

“Not long at all, my darling, it is almost time to bring Me Chuck and start to really live in harmony with another. “

So The Empty watched as Amara silently went on in Her journey. She was never really never one for hellos and goodbyes. 

She rematerializes outside of the silo. Waits for Jack and Sam to eventually come outside. She gave them a warning and made it dark a few hundred meters around the silo so they would think to come outside. Sam, the mophead, sees her first and immediately goes to shield Jack. 

Which is asinine. Sam is the weakest thing for several hundred miles at this point. But he shields them the way a father would. Peculiar.

The joining conversation was an easy sell because the Winchesters are not that hateful of Amara and Jack had been feeling lonely.  And Amara is also a sweetheart (deep down). The nephilim joined with Her concealing their presence. Chuck had appeared inside of the silo not long before, Jack had sensed Him and alerted Amara immediately. 
Now the great thing about Jack was that they had told Amara that their friendship would be one of relative freedom. So one could imagine Chuck’s horror when Amara just appeared and subsumed Him, oh, it was a lovely thing to witness. The Empty replays the scene once a millenia.

And as far as Cas? Well, let’s just say The Empty felt...kindness and made sure he knew through Amara that there was no more deal because he was...annoying. According to Amara, he crumpled to the floor in front of Her and sobbed while Dean covered him like he was the one with wings who could shield them from harm. Maybe it was touching to someone with less damage. However, Jack and Sam stood there quietly and The Empty didn’t see any tears from them so It was going to chalk it up to the two of them still being in shock. That or this profound bond or whatever not being all that important. What the two of them did soften and chuckle about was Dean’s first words once the angel had readjusted to sniffle within his arms and embrace him back, holding him for dear life:

“Cas, looks like I get to try again…” Dean seemed to chuckle softly while the angel shook his head and continued to cry.

Dean hugged him closer. The Empty assumed the hesitation was due to mistrust but perhaps someone else could chalk the reaction up to simply being overwhelmed. “I...just...want you to know that I...am keeping you. In my heart. And I’m never letting you go,” Dean whispers so that only Cas could hear. Jack seemed to understand what took place and explained to the other two. The hunter and angel didn’t bother getting up off the floor for a while.

The Empty got bored of the theatrics and left but Amara’s face was in a small smile the whole time. 

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Cas hasn’t stopped vibrating for an hour, or at least that’s what Dean could manage to register. So many things happened in basically a blink of an eye. He couldn’t blame his angel for freaking out after a cosmic contract was dissolved and he found out through an entity he thought was dead who happens to be the daughter of the thing that made the contract. Hell, Dean would have stayed with him in that cuddle puddle till sundown if his angel needed it. 

But he’s also proud as hell of his kid, Jack. Yea, my kid, that sounds good. Dean realizes then that this is something John could never take from him. It’s not like it was with Sam. He gets to try again. Being a good dad, that is, so he should start—pronto. Especially since he has a kickass and devastatingly handsome angel to help out. He doesn't have a life that John or Chuck can ruin anymore. No one can tell him shit about how to have a family.

Dean is realizing he’s got so many rules he never has to follow again now that Chuck is gone. He can be proud and his dad can’t find a negative like he used to try to do when Dean was coming of age on his own while practically raising Sam. He’d actually get to show Jack that he was worried about them. The kid is never going to feel like I don’t want them around. Ever. Dean thinks this is really the bare minimum; it hurts to know he never got this from John. But Dean can do better by Jack, for a good future, it’s the least he can do after he put the kid through these past few years. The kid is basically still a toddler, technically there’s time to fix the awful things I've done. It admittedly hurt a little when he congratulated the kid and they seemed to feel a need to mention they barely did anything and didn’t take to Sam pointing out existing was enough since it helped Amara find them. Dean’s already done a number on instilling a crap self-esteem so it’s the first thing he’ll help Jack fix. Now how do I do that?  Dean is used to making plans before he knows how to execute them so he’ll figure it out. Cas’ll help. That’s enough motivation to get him started...tomorrow.

It’s really all too much to think about at once and so he’s kinda glad he has to sit and root with his angel. He gets to whisper sweet reassurances and know that he can make good on them. That’s the part that feels blessed. No one has a script. Not anymore. He can be and especially; he can be with his angel. This was awesome and terrifying but he knows he’s gone too long not doing right by Cas, way too long. 

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I should feel bliss, right? Am I...broken...again? Cas feels like he’s spent the entire day just shaking. Time is kind of irrelevant to angels and people who have gone through what his human family has but...in just one moment Amara told his secret to them without preamble, he realized he was absolved of it, and he realized he was too late to even think about protecting his child and his brother in the fight, Sam. All while taking in that Dean loves him even though Dean doesn’t know how to allow himself intimacy. He seems to want to try anyway, for me. And somehow that’s not all that daunting. It’s how fast everything is going. Because when Cas thinks about it, he really hasn’t known Dean all that long. In his grand scheme that is. Cas has seen the first human walk on two legs. 

Dean is one man, billions of years from the beginning. It’s like I fell in love with him in less than a day in this galaxy. And that realization scares Cas. Will he be allowed to see Dean in Heaven? He fell and didn’t think about the climb back up again. Which is absurd because he doesn't just want Dean for Dean’s lifetime. I want Dean for all of my existence. Maybe it was prudent to have asked but who could Castiel have turned to before this? Maybe Jack would show him mercy but what kind of emotional labour would he be asking of the new god, who is all but four years old? To be the interlocutor between him and Heaven’s remaining angels? He’ll have to figure all of that out later, once he’s in control of his body again. It seems the contract was as much physical as it was visceral and seems to be working its way out of Cas’ essence. 

Dean keeps calling him sweetnames, it’s working brilliantly in adding more happiness to an already overwhelmed internal process but it’s also comforting: Cas gets to hear more of it. He always figured he’d have felt Dean before he heard him reciprocate, which is partially true but this is a post-deal doting and strangely new feeling. Dean is loving Cas in the way Cas loves Dean and that feels special. For as long as they’re alive. The thought is calming, and the action itself is also most likely useful to Jack and Sam who are probably going to want a recap neither of them are prepared to give right now. Dean may not have the words and Cas would rather not over-expose Dean’s emotions, deal or no deal. Cas takes great care in his Venusian ways with Dean. That’s the only way he’s been able to hold their relationship so tenderly through the years, even when everything else in life is a matter of chaos.

Cas would never want this with anyone else. He’s not even sure what other human he could ever enjoy this with. Even the prospect of sensual vulnerability doesn’t seem unsavory.

Somehow, that thought is the one that relaxes Castiel out of his shaking and vibrating. Sex? That’s...different. I would think that could still be a trigger. That will need further ruminating. But either way the thought of exploring Dean again, letting Dean...having Dean...well, Cas isn’t sure how Dean’s internal permission could lend itself to finishing that sentence, so he won’t just yet, but pondering is allowing air into his lungs and stillness into his grace. 

Oh, it’s not just the thought of Dean touching me or touching Dean, it’s the fact that Dean is touching me.  It seems in the last hour, Dean decided he was brave enough to kiss Cas’ forehead and card through his hair while Jack and Sam sat in the front seats of Baby. Cas turns to look at his beautiful righteous beloved, still beautiful. 

“I’ll stay yours, Dean,” Cas proudly proclaims, whispering into Dean’s lips. “I’ll be yours in every way, I don’t want this with anyone else,” Cas finds himself saying aloud, not to Dean in particular though he can hear. It was more of a rededication. Cas doesn’t have to worry about a cosmic binding anymore. His Father is dead. His child is safe. He can let his whole self be focused somewhere else. He can feel Dean more, hear him better, he’s less clouded or maybe Cas is more...awake to him.

Dean is whispering but it feels like it is ringing out, “Good, because I want you for as long as you’ll let me.”

“Forever,” Cas says, knowing the cost, the weight. “I want us forever. Millenia and beyond, Dean. I mean that.”

Dean is awestruck; it’s a beautiful sight on him, Cas thinks, as he turns in Dean’s arms to hold him. 

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Dean can hardly believe it, the angel wants him back, and forever at that. “Let’s start with breakfast, huh?” he asks Cas, who tilts his head adorably to the left as he releases Dean a little to look at him. Dean misses the warmth more than he shows. But he loves that look, he’s grown to love it. Dean remembers now the first time Cas made that movement. How Cas had picked up what Dean felt about his own salvation. He can’t help but say aloud: “Man, I’m so glad I got to save you.”

Cas’ face lights up like Dean had handed him the key to Eden to round out the day. Before Cas could speak Dean explained, “We’re gonna have breakfast for dinner, or for breakfast actually, I’m kinda beat to be honest—I kinda just wanna lay around with you and some takeout. Get you outta this getup, sleepin’ next to me. Can I need that, Cas?” 


Cas chuckles, “I don’t sleep, Dean, but I’m so worn I may take you up on all of that.”