Bury My Bones at Rattlesnake Junction

The quaint little town of Rattlesnake Junction was perfect and peaceful which never malfunctioned.

A dusty-done town where the tumbleweeds rest. Located just east of the Heart of the West.

Where spurs went jingle and doors went ka-POW! And nobody blinked at a dog riding a cow

It was happy and joyful and sunny and bright. It was always a pleasant, beautiful sight.

Old or young, Lady or man, whoever you met was automatically friend.

They had not an enemy, never knew a foe. Even the jail birds were happy old souls.

The mayor’s a man name Oliver Green. He’s been in office since he was a teen.

The whole town loved him, with all of their might. A joy to their heart. He brought them delight. He stood about 6 or 7 feet 8 inches tall. His daughter was Bella the fairest of all.

She wore a black hat that was piled with feathers, And boots stitched together with sparkly red leathers.

Nothing bad happened when home on the range, but blowing in air was the wind of change.

On a track through the desert—ker-CHUGGITY, ker-CHOOM!—

Rolled a long, rattly train humming Boomity-boom!

With boxes and barrels and gold stacked high,

And a very important lady riding nearby.

Miss Bella M Green was riding side saddle. No gun on her hip, no need for a battle.

She sipped lemon tea and went sip-sip-sup!

Till—"OH NO!”—went the whistle: “Stick ‘em up! Stick ‘em UP!”

A man then stepped he, he was as dark as the devil, A tooth pick in mouth, his name was McBevil.

Right next to him was Fat Back McNeir. Rumor has it he was made of pure fear.

In walks a man, his name was El Grotten. Of All of earth’s villains he was the most rotten

He was the leader of these bandits, this gang. His pistol points upward they all heard the bang.

Their mustaches twisted, their laughs that went HOWL! Faces looked evil, all sneer and all scowl.

They stopped the whole train with a clank and a breeze, Grabbed gold, grabbed the lady, said, “We’ll just take these!”

They leapt off the cars with a hop and a skip and rode off so fast they went zipperty-zip!

Poor Bella cried, “Help!” as she bounced in dismay, As the train huffed and puffed the wrong way away.

They road into the sunset and the sky then went dark. The town was so saddened the dogs wouldn’t bark.

Nobody slept that entire night. Poor Bella was gone. This just wasn’t right.

Day time came but the sun did not rise. Hyenas stopped laughing and loud were their cries.

Gloom filled the land as it started to rain. Mayor Green had to admit that this was insane.

Never before has the likes of this happened. How did it start and how would it end.

They’ve never seen kidnappings, thefts or even stalkers. The worst crime they’ve seen was little J-walkers.

They needed a hero. They needed one now. But, not one could be found throughout the town.

“I have an idea,” The mayor said with ease. He dialed One Eight Hundred Come Save Us Please

Then all of a sudden on a hill shaped like cheese, Stood Three heroes squinting through dust in the breeze.

“My name is Slim,” the first one did say. “We will now help you by the end of the day.”

He was 5 feet 11 and 300 pounds. He knocked down trees when his foot stumped the ground.

He was all muscle. He stood there with pride, one sock and a grin much way too wide.

Next came a hero that wasn’t a man. She stood 7 feet with a powerful hand.

Tall Tess with two pistols and brains in her head. Whoever cross her, with a look he’ll be dead.

Old Jed who said “Hmm,” which meant “Let’s go, team!” He only said “Hmm,” but his plans were supreme.

Words were just wasted on this brawny man. If one came against him, they never would stand.

70 years but never say old. As strong as the others but far much more bold.

“Who are we after and where did they go? Tell us, please tell us so that we’ll know.

What did they do that got everyone down. Tell us and we’ll be on our way now.”

“The took all our money when they robbed the train. All that we had, they caused us much pain.

The took our dear Bella, the Jewel of our heart. Never, we thought, that we’d ever part.

Once sunny skies, now gloomy and dark. Till the end of the day and begins when it starts.

We were once happy, joyful through and through. Now we are sad for they took that to.”

They hopped on their horses—Clip! Clop! Clippity-CLACK!— With tails swishity-swoosh to get it all back.

“YEE-HAW!” cried the trio, “This just won’t do! Your villains will be cowards when with them we’re through.”

They galloped past rocks and a rattlesnake band. Past tumbleweed rolling through fields of dry sand.

They crossed a riverbed that wasn’t quite dry, And a town with one building and one squinty guy.

They passed through a canyon stopped by a coyote. He was skinny and starving so they shared their pirogi.

And then at last in a valley so steep were the gold, and Miss Bella, and the bandits asleep.

Miss Bella sat tied, but she hummed a brave tune, About tea and good manners and being immune.

With a SNAP! and a ZAP! and a WHIZZITY-WHOO! Our heroes swooped in yelling, “HOW DO YOU DO?”

The bandits woke up although in top shape, They had to accept there was no escape.

Slim jumped off his horse, they fell to their knees. He opened his mouth and only said “Freeze.”

Two Pistol Tess, her long hair would sway, pointed her guns and said “Make my day.”

Old Jed just said “Hmm,” which meant “Cuff those men. Your reign of terror has come to an end.”

So gold was returned and Miss Bella was free. She tipped her tall hat and said, “Thank you, times THREE!”

The train chugged back on with great joy and a cheer, And the desert clapped softly from far and from near.

The quaint little town of Rattlesnake Junction recovered from its minor malfunction.

Again it was perfect and peaceful and sunny and bright. It was again a pleasant, beautiful sight.

So remember, dear reader, when dust fills the sky, And trouble goes galloping, racing right by—

Some heroes say “Hmm,” some shout, some just rhyme, But justice shows up… usually right on time.