Bull in the Barn

Insects suspended in animation clung to the long strands of frozen grass protruding from the icy earth. Ants, spiders, caterpillars & worms all looked as if they just rolled through a bowl of sugar and had been encased in a sweet white grainy resin.

In the distance a cascading thump echoed through the ground, snowflakes resting atop tips of grass fell off due to the thumping vibrations. A pair of snowflakes rolled vertically down the length of one single strand of grass. The two tiny flakes collided with a frozen ant that was attached to the strand of greenery. The flakes failed to knock the ant free from his frozen state, all he could do was move his antenna and his eyes and hope for rain or sun to set him free.

The thumping repeated, sending an echo through the ground. The tremors came accompanied by crunching noises which increased in volume. The frozen ant swivelled it’s eye around to identify the source of the sound. The gigantic shape of 2 black boots stomped towards the paralyzed insect across the frozen grassland. The ant started to panic, it tried moving it’s limbs but it’s legs were firmly secured to the grass, the ant shook itself around frantically, barely able to move a frozen muscle. The insect screamed microscopically in volume as it’s leg cracked clean off its body, in a moment of desperation to escape. The detached leg remained stuck to the grass. The loss of limb allowed the ant to flex its frozen body to a certain extent, but the frost coating that covered it’s body still made it intensely difficult to move, as grains of ice jammed up the crevices of its body.

The now not so distant giant pair of walking boots came nearer. The ant started breathing heavily in order to defrost itself. The boots crunching down created cracks that spread through the frozen soil. The cracks caused the ground to become uneven and the semi-defrosted ant cried out as the disjointed crackled earth sent blades of grass cascading in all sorts of different directions into spear-headed collisions with one another. Just as the gigantic boot cast shadow over the ant and the surrounding grass, a hulking figure swung down, dangling from a shoelace. It swung towards the ant and uprooted the blade of grass he was attached to, saving his life. The lace lashed up as it swung all the way under the width of the boot and went up the other side, catapulting the two bugs to the safety of the above.

The sky darkened as the sun went down and the boot wearer continued venturing through the frozen countryside. At the end of the field an old, rickety, large barn sat at the base of a gigantic hill. Beams of light glowed in the dark between the slits of wood. The boot wearer approached the barn and pushed hard against the doors. Icy hinges creaked under pressure as the figure pushed frantically to seek refuge from the blizzard that began to pelt rapidly. In unison with the firing of snowflakes, the dark surroundings filled with fog. It was almost as if the mist consisted of snow clouds that had gotten too heavy to stay afloat in the sky and had been deployed as ground troops ready to shoot with all the ammunition they had.

As the boot wearer struggled against the barn doors the blizzard rapidly increased. From the boot wearer’s clothing tiny specks of sentient beings jumped through the cold air dodging and demolishing snowflakes as they glided towards the frozen hinges on the barn doors. They punched the cold metal continuously with fists that were merely the size of dust. Soon enough the hinges gave way and the boot wearer stumbled in as the doors snapped open. Inside the barn there was no longer any light source. All sense of warmth or glow had been instantly extinguished the second the doors gave way. As the unwelcome snow entered the barn, it left a vacant spot on the ground, tracing the shadow of the boot wearer’s figure.

The boot wearer was eaten up into the darkness as he stepped further into the eerie wooden place. He moved forwards hesitantly, unable to see if he was stepping on any unfortunate frozen insects which he was actively trying to avoid but sometimes it’s impossible when you’re walking through a field of foxholes & cow pat.

The doors slowly creaked to a close with each step he took further into the barn. In a brief moment of angst he pivoted round and ran back towards the closing doors, aware that he wasn’t alone. The barn doors slammed shut plunging him into darkness. He blindly reached out in front of him, feeling for the doors. The boot wearer felt a chilling breath on the back of his neck.

The Ant opened his eyes as warm air blasted over him, feeling the cosiest that he’d ever felt. The icy grass deathtrap he had found himself attached to earlier had been defrosted and fashioned into a hammock which he found himself lying upon. His frozen lost limb had been re-attached. He tried moving it but it seemed to spasm slightly uncontrollably. He let it rest and took in his surroundings. He looked up into the dark hollow beady eyes of his shoelace swinging saviour. A furry monster of an insect towered over the awakened ant. The creature was covered in patterns of blue, brown & red resembling tribal body paint. From it’s head sprouted a pair of antennae similar to his, above protruding pincers that pierced out from its cheeks also similar to the ant, but this beast was no ant. More of these insects emerged from the surrounding shadows. Kindlings of redwood embedded the surrounding ground forming a forest which suited their size. The flea made a gesture of encouragement for the ant to walk, to test the use of it’s reattached limb. The ant rolled over, twisting out of the hammock and landed on the soft ground.

The boot wearer pulled a lighter from his pocket and ignited it. The yellow light shimmered weakly into the darkness, which he peered into cautiously while fumbling blindly behind his back for the door’s latch. Two grey hissing streams of hot breath shot out from the shadows directly into his eyes. The beams of mist stopped then started again, followed by a deep throaty noise. Details of a furious horned creature came into the light.

The wooden door rattled uncontrollably, weakening its hinges as the boot wearer trembled against it in uncontrollable fear. The rattling stopped for a brief moment and a bull exploded outwards through the barn doors splintering it into a thousand pieces and the boot wearer clutched tightly onto the bull’s horns as it charged at him and stampeded ruthlessly into the blizzard.

The boot wearer who I’m going to stop calling boot wearer now, because it’s really annoying, was a petite person. Infact they weren’t even a person at all, but a monkey dressed in human clothes. Zookeeper uniform to be exact, which he had worn as a clever disguise to break out of the zoo just across the road.

The Ant struggled to balance on his reattached limb as his surroundings started shaking. The creatures around him all gripped onto the soft surface they stood on, and some clambered onto the reddish sticks. Every one of the creatures were knocked away by a colossal unseen force.

Coldness instantly surrounded him as he realized the impact had sent him flying away.

Just to be clear this ant didn’t have wings or any flying capabilities. But the ant had found that he had been hit by something that had sent everything crashing through the air, which he was perceiving in slow motion. Snowflakes rushed past him followed by large chippings of wood. He twisted round in the air and tried clinging to a flying passing lump of wood with no success. He looked around to get his bearings.

He saw the forest where the hulking tribal creatures once stood, as he flew further away he could see more of it. It wasn’t a forest, and the redwood kindling wasn’t wood. It was hair, on skin, the skin of a monkey. The hulking tribal insects must’ve been fleas; and all of them, like him, had been thrown helplessly into the air. They had saved him and even went to the lengths of repairing his lost limb. It was about time he returned the favour.

He pointed his head where he wanted to go, still airborne, he spotted his bullseye, which was literally a bull’s eye. He straightened his body and tucked his limbs into his sides. A wood chip moved into his line of fire like a slow moving meteorite. He refined his antennas into a sharp point and pierced through the lump of wood. He came out of the other side fully weaponized. In each of his arms he gripped long sharp splinters. He resembled a wooden daddy-long-legs. The bull’s eye in front of him opened wider in shock, finally noticing the aggressive spikey little ant hurtling towards his vision.

“Fool” thought the ant, as the bull’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’ve only made my target easier and bigger” he thought. He screamed a war cry as he flew within inches of the bull’s eye. The bull jutted out it’s bottom lip and puffed upwards. The ant, taken by surprise, flew up dizzily, clumsily dispersing all of his wooden splinter weaponry in mid-air.

As soon as the Bull had finished it’s excellent technique of self-defence, it finished breathing and decided to pick its nose with its tongue as a celebration of victory. He was happy that he defended his barn from both the monkey intruder and puffed away the threatening insect. But the ant was still doing a triple somersault in the air and landed next to the bull’s ear. Into it he whispered the words that would haunt the bull to this day.

“Would you like a receipt with that? This is the last time I’m asking you.”

The cashier snapped her fingers aggressively in the man’s face. He’d been zoned out for the past minute, staring slack-jawed into space. She even clapped her hands. Nothing, not even a blink. Someone else had started queuing behind him and had already got all the stuff off their trolley onto the conveyor belt and was drumming their fingers impatiently on the counter’s edge.

Meanwhile the man continued daydreaming, the whole narrative that you just read continuing to play out in his head.

Placed on the conveyor belt were his unpurchased items. These consisted of; anti-flea shampoo, a DVD of a documentary about jungle tribes, a lined up assortment of neat cuddly toys including an ant, a bull & a monkey which was dressed like a zookeeper with large boots. The man had also been holding a toy barn house but had dropped it when he started zoning out, shattering it to pieces all over the floor.

He smiled to himself as the security guards grabbed hold of him by his shoulders and dragged him out of the supermarket.

As it turned out he was an escaped patient from a mental hospital who seemed to be under the constant illusion that he was an animal planning to escape from the captivity of a zoo.

Not too distant an illusion from the reality he lived in.

Just a slightly re-written version of the truth.