Bolts and Sunflowers

Hank knew the barn would be a long-haul project before he moved in. The newspaper advertised it as “In need of a lot of TLC.” But it couldn’t be helped; after the canning plant closed down, he and his buds were outta work. That meant they were outta rent money too. “I just don’t get how a whole plant up and leaves hundreds of good men without a way to feed their family,” he complained to his wife during dinner. She didn’t respond. She never did. Susie May Collins did not concern herself with the troubles of her husband. Ever since he lost his arm in the peach peeler, his attempts at conversation were met with radio silence. Worst of all was Chase, his eldest son, had taken after his mother. The most the boy could be bothered to respond with on any given day was “ugh.” And all his youngest son would do is cry and run to Susie. Sure, he was a bit rough around the edges, but he never hit the boy. Yet all Hunter could ever do is cry and run for “momma.” When he finally broke the news about defaulting on the loan, part of him actually hoped that Susie would get mad and yell at him.

“My money just hasn’t been right since Smithson left town. I’ve been trying to get another job, but you know the only other places hiring are that cake shop and Plummer elementary. Both jobs are part-time, even with the savings I wasn’t able to make last month.” He took a deep breath and rubbed the nub of his right arm. “We’re gonna have to move; I found an ad for a barn. It’s nothing too fancy, but I figure I can fix it up real good, and we’ll build that playhouse for Hunter too. It’s nice and roomy, and the view is incredible. Plenty of nature and natural lighting. It’d make a perfect conversion for a house.” He paused and looked at Susie, waiting for her response. She stopped folding the laundry just enough to look at him, grimace, and turn back around. Defeated, Hank left for the barn, but not before stopping to muscle Hunter’s hair, who started to cry and run for mom.

The barn was more than just in disrepair. It was a miracle the roof hadn’t caved in already. The paint was peeling, pipes rusted, and what little was left of the wooden beams had become a new home for termites. “In need of TLC my ass, the damn thing needs a bed in the ICU!” He kicked a beam and dove to the side as it came crashing down, bringing a piece of the roof with it. “Well shit.” He could practically feel the remnants of his marriage slipping through his fingers. But Hank wasn’t a quitter.

Two weeks into the project had Hank second-guessing. A crew might have been able to fix it up in a week or so. But he was by himself and hadn’t factored in the missing arm. “Maybe it’s time I pack it.” He thought aloud. A sound thudded on the side of the barn. “Damn it all, what’s fallen now!” He kicked the toolbox and stomped around the side to be met face to face with a kid. The kid gave a sheepish smile. “Hello” “Who on earth are you and why are you on my property?” Matter of fact, where was this kid’s parents? The child couldn’t have been older than 10. The kid made a rueful face. “I came to visit you.” Hank paused. “Visit me for what?” “I’ve been up here before, sorry. I heard you talking about it’s gonna be impossible with no help and your wife is gonna leave you so I wanna help cause momma always said families should stick together.” Hank leaned on the side of the barn, amused. “That’s what your momma says huh?” The boy nodded vigorously, making his already messy hair fully mussed. “I like to help people, momma said as long as I don’t cause trouble it’s okay.” Hank laughed and slapped his knee. “Alright then son, you’re officially on the barn reconstruction crew. What’s your name?” “Gabe” “Alright Gabe, put ‘er there.” Hank held out his hand and Gabe gleefully shook it. “Welcome to the team.”

“First rule of the team is don’t kick anything; I don’t wanna have to explain to your mom why her son is a pancake.” Gabe made a serious face before giving a one-handed salute. “Aye captain.” “And the second rule is,” Hank gave a half-smile, “Always address the foreman as Sir or Mr., Captain is for pirates.” Gabe gave another salute, “Aye Mr. Hank Sir!” Hank shook his head and chuckled. “Well, you’ve got the spirit. I’ll give you that.” “So, what’s the third rule?” “The third rule is work hard or don’t work at all, no half-assing it.” He grabbed a broom and tossed it to the boy. “And you can start by sweeping that pile of wood chips over there.” Gabe nodded. “Work hard; I can do that. Momma always said hard work is the best work.” “That’s right.” Hank agreed. “You really love your mom, huh?” Gabe beamed, “Course I do; she’s the bestest!”

Hank rubbed his nub and thought of Hunter and Chase. “Parents do a lot for their kids, ya know? It feels nice when we feel appreciated.” Gabe gave him a somber look. “Is that why you’re working on the barn by yourself? Your kids don’t appreciate you?” Hank laughed bitterly. “My kids don’t even speak to me; I’m just the old man who brings the money.” He kicked a stray can. “Take away the money, and all you're left with is an old man.” “That’s not true” Gabe set the broom down. “You’ve been helping your family the whole time. That means you got lots of tokens!” Hank wracked his brain for the meaning and came up blank. “Tokens?” “Yeah! Momma said every time you help someone, you get a token. When you die, you give the tokens to God; if it’s a lot, you get into heaven! You helped your family a lot, so you’ve got lots of tokens, I know it!” Hank shook his head. “If only life was that nice, sometimes you break your back working only to end up broken.” “That’s not true” “It is true!” Hank yelled. “Twenty-five years I’ve been working at the cannery, twenty-five years I’ve been working to put food on the table, and for what?” He waved around the destitute barn. “For two kids that ignore me and a wife that can’t stand my guts?” Gabe silently watched him with a pained expression. “Maybe they don’t know how to say how much they love you.” “Huh, when did you become a fucking psychiatrist? Those are some pretty words for a kid with no front teeth.” Gabe reddened. “Because you’re mad, so you’re not thinking straight-” “I’m not thinking straight, I’m not thinking straight!? All I’ve ever done is think of ways to make sure my family’s straight and now-”

“Excuse me” A soft voice cut through the noise. “What are you doing here young man?” Hank looked up to see Susie standing in the doorway of the old barn. Gabe picked up the fallen broom. “Sorry ma’am, I was just sweeping the dirt up.” She gave a puzzled look. “This is private property.” “I know I’m-” “He’s helping me.” Hank cut in. “He’s helping me fix the barn up.” Susie stared at him before looking at the ground. “You don’t need to sweep this old place up; no one’s going to use it anyway.” “I can’t afford the rent, I told you that. I know you don’t like it, but this is the only option I have.” “Hand me that broom, and I’ll take you to your parents” “I’m trying the best I can!” Hank broke down. “What more do you want from me? Say something, anything, please!” Susie turned and began to walk away.

“Please!” Hank reached out and grabbed her shoulder, or should have grabbed her shoulder. Instead, he fell right through her and onto the floor. Susie shuddered. “Is everything okay, miss?” Gabe asked. “I’m sorry, it’s nothing.” Gabe shook his head. “But it’s not nothing, is it?” Susie rubbed her hands together. “Would you mind listening to the ramblings of an old lady?” Gabe shook his head. “You see, I was born the eighth out of ten kids. I’ve always been just a number, another mouth to feed, you know?” Gabe nodded. “So I ran away at fourteen. Didn’t know where I’d go, but I knew there was nothing for me at home. That was when I met him.” She looked into the distance. “He was only two years older than me and had hands like he’d been working his whole life. I fell in love instantly, and we got married. I was happy in the one-bedroom apartment we had, but then we had two kids and it was so crowded and I-” A single tear streaked down her face. “I shoulda said no, but he wanted to do right by the kids and me, so he took on a higher paying job at the factory.”

Hank stood up and stared in shock. “If I knew it was more dangerous, I’d have said no, that I don’t care about the money. I just want the kids to have a father.” “The pinch point,” Hank whispered. “I didn’t just lose my arm; I got pulled in.” He turned to Gabe. “I’m dead, aren’t I.” Gabe nodded solemnly. “I didn’t know!” Susie wailed, “And it hurts every day because I miss him so much. I swear sometimes he’s standing right next to me and I-” She broke down sobbing. “He must hate me; the moment I said I wanted a playhouse for Hunter, I signed his death warrant. He died working for a plastic swing, and I pushed him into the coffin myself.” “No,” Hank whispered, “It’s not true.” Susie slid to the barn floor and hid her face in her palms.

“It’s not true. Gabe, tell her that’s not true.” Gabe looked at Hank and shook his head. “She won’t believe me.” “Tell her I’m the one who’s saying it” He shook his head again. “You need to tell me something special for that to work.” “Our first anniversary, ask her if she remembers it.” Gabe turned to Susie. “Do you remember your first anniversary?” She looked up. Hank whispered the words as Gabe repeated them. “When he said if I die today, I’ll be a happy man.” She paled, “How did you?” “That all my life I’ve been working cause that’s what I have to do, but I’ve never met a woman that makes the hardest job worth it cause I get to see her smiling face at night.” “Hank.” Susie whispered. “Don’t cry over me sunflower, I died doing what I love, taking care of my beautiful wife and two bundles of joy.” “Hank.” Susie whimpered, “I would have never said yes if-” “Shhhhhhh, I know, I know.” Susie smiled as a tear rolled down her face. “I love you, even all the stars in the galaxy-” “Couldn’t match my love for you,” Hank finished. Gabe sighed and looked at Hank. “You see?” “I see, and I’m seeing something else too; what is that?” The doorway was engulfed in light. “That’s your ride,” Gabe said. “It’s time for you to pass on.” “Hank rubbed his nub, the kids-” “Will be fine,” Gabe answered. “You can’t help them here anyway.” “That’s true; I want to thank you.” Gabe smiled. “It’s what I do, helping people.” Hank started towards the light then paused. “Hey, kid.” “Yes?” Hank tossed a bolt over his shoulder. “Catch.” Gabe caught it and made a puzzled face. “What is it?” “Your token.”