Blink.

You ever just, close your eyes? You ever just stare? Stare into the darkness? Just, let the eyelids close over themselves, and wander the dreamscape that appears before you? Endless black. Endless darkness. You ever just let that become your world?

Blink.

I have. A few times. We spend a third of our lives in the dark, you know? Sleeping. We tend to close our eyes to sleep, and even those of us that don’t, you know, people who sleep with their eyes open? They don’t know that. They may as well be living in darkness anyway.

Blink.

So we might as well get to know it, yeah? What’s the point? Are we just supposed to waste away a third of our lives? Are we just supposed to throw it away? Re-energize, recharge, they say. Who cares? I can still use my phone while it’s plugged in, yeah?

Blink.

Anyway, that darkness is far more wild and interesting than the real world is anyway. You can just drift. I love putting on music. A little bit of jazz, a nice, soft bed? You can be anywhere in the world, baby, and anywhere outside it.

Blink.

Sometimes, as I’m drifting off, listening to the basics or the classics, y’know, can’t go wrong with a lil Louis Armstrong, you feel me? I think back to home. The constant patter of rain on the tin rooftops, you know? Nothing is close to as calming.

Blink.

But then I stop focusing on the scenery. I just kinda let my emotions go, you know? Well, I used to. I remember being younger, about 20 or so, and just being high as shit, doing exactly what I said before.

Blink.

But instead of focusing on the scene of the tin roofs, I just kinda melded the background noise with the music. So now, I’m hearing the rain, and it’s melding with the dude’s voice, and those nice-ass horns.

Blink.

And as I got my eyes closed, peep this: I see the vibrance. I see the vivid strobes of color bands working their way through the darkness, dawg. That shit is a spectacle.

Blink.

Strobing in my mind’s eye, man. Magnificent bands of colors, streams of glorious iridescence warming up my soul. I remember doing that shit on acid. Bro, I swear to god, I took 3 tabs and saw colors that didn’t exist.

Blink.

I was incandescent. I was my own sun, son. I was glowing, a great shape of heat and energy in my own bed. Incredible shit, man. You would’ve loved to see it. But, uh, shame that didn’t work out.

Blink.

Anyway, uh, I, I love talking about that shit, man. One of the last happy memories. You know? You weren’t around for that part though. Kinda glad, honestly. Me, you, and Tammy, bro. Wouldn’t have wanted you around for when things got bad.

Blink.

You always said it was destined to be, right? Then, your destiny came to an end, man. At least we all got to go out together the night before. But, uh, yeah. Me and Tammy were destined to be, until we weren’t, you know?

Blink.

I remember you had to make the call to pull the plug on your mom, you know? I was with you, man. She was only gonna suffer. So were you. And you were racked with guilt the entire fucking time. I didn’t get it.

Blink.

But then Tammy went under, and… I got it. I regret that shit every fucking day, man. God. I always think about it.

Click.

What if I kept her on for another day? Or, like, week? She was on for two. But what if it was three? Would it have been enough?

Blink.

I think about it a lot. But in the end, I realized, it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna see her soon either way, right? If she makes it, I’m the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes. And if she doesn’t, well…

Blink.

What I said about sleep applies to blinking too, you know. You ever stop and think about how much we see that darkness, even when we try not to? We lose 10% of our lives to blinking.

Blink.

But me? Ever since then, I haven’t lost that time. I gained something. Every time my eyes close, they close for a little bit longer than they used to. Every time I close them, man, I see her face.

Blink.

Every time I have to rip my eyes open, man, and tear away from her, I can’t wait until I have to blink again. Sometimes, it’s hard. There are times when I keep my eyes open. For minutes at a time.

Blink.

Not because I don’t wanna see her. Because I don’t want to deal with opening them again. It rips me to shreds. I kept them open for 10 minutes once. And when they shut, I saw the same thing.

Blink.

Sometimes it was just her face. Other times, it’s us walking the beach. Sometimes, it was a little… more. A little more personal, you dig? It’s funny. I spend so much time with my eyes closed now, that it feels more like I'm asleep when I'm up. The dream is just more boring.

Blink.

Actually, I’ve been spending a lot of time just laying down, closing my eyes. Now, I get experiences with her. I relive dates. I relive us going to the movies. I relive us meeting. All that fun shit.

Blink.

I got fired, actually, because I started laying down instead of going to work. That was about a week ago. But, I think I found a solution. If I keep my eyes closed, I see her. That’s how this works, right?

Blink.

So if they close permanently, I’ll always see her. And hey, if they open again, that must mean I’m with her, you feel me? So maybe opening them won’t be so bad this time. You know?

Blink.

Well, hell. I’ll be seeing you soon too, man. Can’t wait. Just, uh, hope you don’t mind if- actually, uh, I’ll put the photo back first. Here’s to seeing you soon, man. Hopefully within the minute.

Bang.