Blame It On Arnold

"Mom, Joey took my Gameboy out of my room again!" Chris snapped, his pale, freckled face scrunched in an angry scowl and his brown eyes flashing, "Make him give it back!"

"Did not!" Joey argued, hugging his favorite stuffed bear to his chest defensively. His tongue shot out as he blew a raspberry, matching his older brother's scowl with one of his own. "I haven't even been in your room today, poopy-head!"

Anna bit back a groan and blew a frizzy blonde curl out of her face, grabbing both her boys by the shoulders and holding them apart at arms' length before they could come to blows. "Joey, don't call your brother names," she snapped. "We've already talked about asking permission before you borrow Chris's toys. Come on: fork it over."

Hanging his head in defeat, Joey turned his bear over glumly and pulled down the zipper sewn into its back. Sure enough, the translucent purple handheld was buried in the stuffing just like she predicted. Instead of waiting for Joey to fish it out, Chris yanked the bear from the six-year-old's hands to reclaim his property.

"Hey!" Joey shrieked, "Gimme my teddy back!!"

Chris just dropped the bear on the floor - ignoring his little brother like any ten-year-old would - not even noticing when Joey scooped the plushie up. After turning the Gameboy over a few times and fiddling with the buttons, Chris's freckly face darkened with fresh rage.

"He broke it!" he snapped, wheezing badly and on the brink of tears he was so angry. "Look: there's a huge crack on the screen... and he stuck gum in the game slot!"

"Chrissy, it's okay," Anna said, drawing her older boy into a hug and kissing his sandy scalp. "Calm down, and take a big, deep breath for mommy now."

Chris wiped his nose on his sleeve, nodding, and did as he was told. His breathing was still worryingly ragged afterwards - eventually devolving into a small coughing fit - and he couldn't seem to stop shaking. Without skipping a beat, Anna flicked on the oxygen concentrator hanging by his hip and lifted the cannula attached to it from around Chris's neck. He made a face as she threaded the clear plastic tube through his nose - reminding her how much he hated it - but he let her put it on without complaint. Anna made him sit down once it was in place, and after his coughing subsided she turned her attention back to her younger son.

"Joseph, you know better than this," she said, her tone stern but soft as she knelt to his eye level. "Can you tell me what happened to the Gameboy?"

Joey squirmed and twisted side to side, twirling one of his brown curls around his finger. "I didn't do it," he mumbled, "It was Arnold. Chris don't play with me no more since he got it. Arnold was just trying to help."

Anna held her tongue and rolled her blue eyes toward the ceiling, praying silently for strength. This wasn't the first time she'd heard this little song and dance. Joey was still very young, and there were things he just couldn't understand yet. She tried to keep that in mind as she exhaled deeply.

"Breaking other people's things on purpose is not okay," she said. "If he doesn't feel like playing with you, Baby, it's not his fault. Some days, he just can't, and trying to force him to is wrong. Now, I think 'Arnold' owes Chris an apology. What do you think?"

Joey looked up and to his left for a second, staring into the empty space above his shoulder. After a few seconds, he nodded and fixed his big, blue eyes on his older brother. "Arnold says he's sorry," he murmured. "Do you feel better now, Chris?"

Chris looked down at the broken handheld in his lap, and for a moment Anna feared he'd start wheezing again. "No," he grumbled. "I saved up my allowance for six whole months to get this! When are you gonna grow up and stop blaming things on Arnold?! He isn't real!"

"Is too!" Joey argued, gripping the air beside him like he was holding onto an invisible hand. "Just 'cause you can't see him don't mean he's not there! Take that back, or else you're gonna hurt his feelings!"

"He doesn't have feelings, Fartface," Chris snapped, a soft wheeze following every shallow breath. "If you really think he does, that just proves how much of a baby you are!"

"Am not, am not, am not!!"

"Boys! Enough!" Anna sighed heavily, counting silently to ten in her head before standing up straight again. "Mommy has a lot of work to do, okay? Chris, leave your Gameboy in my office for now; we'll take it back to the electronics store later to see if they can fix it. In the meantime, go watch TV with Joey until dinner time... and please, try to play nice."

Both her sons shambled out of her office obediently, shooting dirty looks at each other the whole time. As she sat down at her desk again, Anna swept a loose curl behind her ear and rubbed her aching temples. When she looked down at the pile of unpaid bills in front of her, however, her headache only got worse. Out of instinct, her eye traveled to the framed family portrait on the corner of her desk - right to her late husband's face - and her throat immediately grew tight.

It didn't used to be like this. Jeff was always better with the boys than she ever could be. After the accident, everything just came crashing down around her ears like a house of cards. Her mother-in-law, Rosemary, had suffered a nervous breakdown after her only son's death, so the task of caring for her had fallen on Anna's shoulders. She'd had to take on a second job just to keep the house, which was literally falling apart at the seams. Then came Chris's diagnosis on top of everything else. Between the medical bills, car payment, invoices from various plumbers and electricians, and the constant battle to keep Rosemary's day nurses from quitting, it was almost too much for Anna to handle. But Arnold was quickly becoming the biggest problem overall.

Joey had been playing with Arnold since he started walking. "Arnold" was his first word, in fact. Jeff always told Anna not to worry about it; it was normal - healthy even - for little kids to have imaginary friends. They always thought he'd grow out of it eventually. Up until a year ago, it looked like he was starting to. But then the accident happened, his Gramma lost her marbles, and Chris got sick.

Both boys had been going through a very tough time, which was understandable, and both were brave little troopers. Lately, however, things with Arnold had gotten way out of hand. Joey was acting up on a nearly daily basis - fighting with his brother, breaking things, drawing all over the walls with permanent marker, terrorizing the neighbor's cats, flooding the bathroom - and blaming all his bad behavior on Arnold. His teachers were starting to get concerned, too, as more incidents were taking place at school. Some had led to scuffles on the playground, the most recent of which was so severe that Joey's teachers recommended counseling. Not that Anna could afford it.

If things got much worse, she'd have to resort to homeschooling, which was definitely not an option for Anna. As a single mother, she had no choice but to work to keep her family housed, clothed, and fed. She loved her kids, and - if Jeff was still around - she would gladly homeschool them both. Lord knew it would make scheduling Chris's endless doctor's appointments easier. This whole Arnold thing had to be dealt with eventually... but the thought of doing so made Anna's chest ache, and left a sour taste in the back of her throat. In the meantime, she finished paying the few bills she could, then hurried downstairs to find something in the pantry for her boys and their grandmother to eat.

A few weeks later, something happened that Anna never thought would happen again: she fell in love. Mitch had been a good friend of hers since college, and they reconnected again after running into each other at the hospital. She knew he'd been on a nursing track back then, but apparently he'd changed courses from generalized medicine to pediatrics without her knowledge. He was still as funny, smart, and handsome as she remembered, and he was wonderful with the boys. On a whim, she asked him out for coffee after one of Chris's appointments. And, to her delight, he said yes.

Coffee dates quickly led to dinner dates, which led even more quickly to other activities. Mitch made Anna feel alive again, knowing just what to say or do when she was stressed out or feeling blue. After a while, he was all she could think about: the little dimple on his chin that showed when he smiled; his warm, caring hazel eyes; that mop of glossy, black hair that she just couldn't resist running her hands through. They'd been dating for about four months when Anna was blindsided again: Mitch popped the question, and Anna said yes without hesitation.

She'd hoped the boys would be happy to hear that she and Mitch were getting married, but she held her breath all the same. After losing their dad, it wouldn't be easy for them to accept a new man to fill the position. Chris took the news pretty well... but Joey was a different story.

While they were dating, Joey seemed to get along just fine with Mitch. After Anna announced their engagement, however, her little boy immediately scowled at his soon-to-be stepfather.

"Arnold doesn't like you," he said sharply, "he says you're a bad man, and he won't let you marry my mommy!"

Anna apologized up and down for her son, but Mitch took it all in stride. "Kids at that age have no filter," he reasoned, "This is a big change, and change can be very scary for little guys like him. Just give him some time to warm up to the idea. I guarantee he'll come around."

Anna was glad Mitch was optimistic, even if she couldn't share in his optimism. The closer it came to the wedding, the worse Joey's behavior got. She and Mitch came home one afternoon from meeting with the caterer to find all of Mitch's important paperwork shredded and scattered all over the kitchen floor. A week later, Mitch slipped on some of Joey's toy cars that had been left on the stairs and fell, almost breaking his neck. After that, Mitch's brand-new white Mercedes was covered fender to fender with neon green fingerpaint and magic marker. Inquisitions were launched for every incident; Chris immediately blamed Joey, and Joey in turn passed the buck to - who else? - Arnold. But the worst was yet to come.

While Mitch's car was still in the shop being re-painted, Anna's next-door neighbor - Mrs. Martez - came pounding on the door, absolutely furious. Apparently, someone had fed chocolate to her favorite cat, and the poor creature was hanging on by a thread at the animal hospital. Anna immediately turned around and asked Joey about it - who'd been playing outside earlier that day - and all he said was, "Arnold saw Mitch do it. Mitch hates kittycats." Anna apologized to Mrs. Martez, but she still got an earful and a copy of the veterinarian's bill before her neighbor stormed off the porch.

By nothing short of a miracle, Anna and Mitch made it to their wedding day. It was both the bride and groom's second wedding, so they decided not to do anything extravagant: just a simple, casual summer barbecue with their families. The weather was perfect, Rosemary was actually somewhat lucid for once, and Chris's energy was a little higher than usual. Even Joey seemed to be behaving himself, which was a huge relief. To reward his good behavior, and as a show of good faith, Mitch suggested they let Joey carry the rings down the aisle. It took a bit of arm-twisting, but Anna was in much too good a mood to argue the point. Fifteen minutes before the ceremony, she put the rings in Joey's bear for safekeeping, hoping she wouldn't regret it later.

The ceremony was quick, quiet, and beautiful, with nary a dry eye in the house. When it came time to exchange the rings, both Anna and Mitch turned to Joey... who was staring at his shoes and looking very nervous. Alarm bells immediately went off in Anna's head as she knelt down, but she tried to keep calm.

"We need the rings, Baby," she whispered. "Hand them over now, please."

Joey shook his head, tears in his eyes and his lower lip quivering. "I'm sorry, Mommy," he whimpered. "Arnold took 'em. I don't know where they are. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen."

Anna held her composure to the best of her ability, but she couldn't stop a small twitch from tugging at her left eye. She turned the bear over quickly and unzipped it, but after fishing around in the stuffing for almost five minutes she came up empty. "Where are the rings, Joey? It's okay, I promise I won't be mad. Did you take them out to look at them? Did they fall out somewhere?"

"No," Joey said, panic raising his voice. "You're not listening, Mommy! I told you, Arnold has 'em!"

Mitch quickly came to kneel by Anna's side, his expression calm but his eyes full of fury. "Come on, Buddy, you know that's a lie," he said. "Arnold doesn't exist. Be a big boy now and tell us the truth."

"I'm not lying!" Joey screamed, crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks. "Arnold is real! He stole the rings! Just ask him!"

"Okay, that is it!" Mitch snapped, grabbing Joey's arm and twisting it roughly before Anna could stop him, "I have had it up to hear with this Arnold bullshit! You tell me where those goddamn rings are this second, you little-!"

Mitch's sentence ended abruptly, his eyes growing wide with shock and his jaw flopping open in a silent gasp. He clawed at his neck suddenly, gagging and choking on absolutely nothing, his face changing color from red to purple to blue all in a matter of seconds. Anna sat on her knees - hugging her boys and frozen in horror - as Mitch collapsed a second later, his limbs twitching for a moment or two before falling limply at his sides.

She wasn't sure who called the paramedics, but they arrived far too late. The police came next, collecting evidence and interrogating the two families trying to figure out what happened. Once Mitch's body was whisked away by the coroner, most of his family bounced as well, taking the gifts they'd brought with them. Anna was left at the altar alone, with no one but her boys and Rosemary to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, Mommy," Joey sobbed, hugging her neck tightly. "Mitch shouldn't have said those things about Arnold, though. It was very mean!"

"It's okay, Baby," Anna sniffed, hugging and kissing both her boys. "I can't believe he just went off on you like that. Are you hurt?"

"No," Joey said, scrubbing his eyes with his fists, "Arnold saved me. He always looks out for me."

Rosemary suddenly turned and looked at her grandson, blinking dazedly at the six-year-old. "Arnold?" she murmured. "Is he here? We haven't spoken in thirty years. Where is he?"

Anna sighed heavily, swiping a frustrated tear off her own cheek. "No, Mom," she said. "Arnold is... Joey's imaginary friend."

Rosemary nodded, staring dreamily into space again. "Oh... I thought he was talking about my Arnold: Jeffrey's father. He died in 'Nam when Jeffy was just a baby. Always loved a good prank. Joey, be a good boy and tell Gramma if you see him, won't you?"