Becoming The Sun

Sometimes when I wake up before the sunrise it can feel like the world is ending. Or has ended. Of course, I can feel all of my toes on the cold floor at the side of my bed. However, as I reanimate, the passive void of this predawn hour feels more familiar, more homely to me than the usual stir of the buzzing business hours in the city. It’s an eerie stillness, a nothing before a something, a calm before a storm.

Indeed: moments from now, an explosion would go off. Synchronized with the creep of the sun peeking through the thin film of our atmosphere, placing gentle kisses on the faces of her precious sleeping worker bees, an explosion would erupt so loud, so staggering, so intense that it echoed across the entire city.

The rumble, the hum, the rhythm, the movement. Like moths to a flame, the people outside would engage in an incredible and chaotic dance performance, vibrating and exchanging energy, tossing their bodies every which way at the mercy of their whim. It’s a beautiful show, and it’s all done in service to their beliefs.

That’s when the dread creeps in. The ever-present doomsday thoughts that bounce around in my mind.

What if one morning the sun doesn’t wake us up, but rather, whispers gently to us that it is all going to be alright, just before we all are sent back to sleep for one last time? A blinding bolt across the sky, or maybe we don’t even notice it at all, and then nothing. We are all simultaneously thrust back into the hour before dawn.

What then? What was it all for?

As I flutter off into the empty space in my mind, the thoughts keep rushing in.

You came to Earth for no other purpose than to be yourself, to see yourself, to express and experience yourself. Whether you were aware or not, in every single moment you were creating your life, you never had a choice in that.

The gravity, the metaphorical weight of what it means to be truly nothing fully sinks in.

The only choice you had was in what you chose to create with the awareness you were given.

At that moment, I remember: I am you.

And as you stare out over the plane of nonexistence, a mere observer, you remember all that you are. You remember all that has happened, is happening, or will happen again.

You remember when you chose to come here. You remember that you were once nothing, but through your sheer willpower alone, that you became something. Normally these sorts of thoughts would overwhelm you, but in this serene, still space you suddenly find yourself in, you finally have the peace you’ve always longed for.

You celebrate the self that you had come to know as you during your time on Earth. You think back on all of the experiences: the love, the smiles, the joy, the tears. All of it. You were such a beautiful human being.

You remember that Earth is gone.

Morbidly, It wasn’t quite as drawn out as you had somehow always hoped it would be.

The apocalypse that is.

How many years of your youth did you spend fantasizing about your own doomsday scenarios?

How many daydreams of scurrying around in some desolate dystopian wasteland, a rifle slung across your back, and a heart shaped locket as the only reminder of a life you once knew?

This wasn’t anything like that. There was no suffering. There was no war, no disease, no hunger.

In the end, the resolution to these problems was far nearer than we had been able to realize. All it took was a choice. We had simply decided that we’d seen enough. We decided we have allowed enough fear, grief, and destruction into our reality. and collectively, we closed our eyes, simultaneously waking up to a brand new playground of pure creation.

What will you create next?

We’re dying to see.