Beautiful

A beautiful afternoon in the city of Phoenicia. The palm leaves danced gently in the auburn sky. The breeze was crisp, short, and comforting. Citizens buzzed and swooned as the clocks ticked and tocked. The distinct scent of opportunity and new beginnings wafted sensually into and out of this city’s limits. Creativity was at an all time high. Self expression and reflection quite literally ruled the world. Oh, what a beautiful afternoon in the quaint beautiful city of Phoenicia…

“Arrgghh!!!!” I shrieked. Slouching more and more into my workspace. I slouched so deeply, I almost felt myself becoming one of the many lonely pieces of crumbled ideas etched onto paper.

“What am I going to do now?” I managed to whimper from my defeated lips. You see, I had just made the most important and terrifying decision to date: I’ve decided to drop out of school.

How do I feel about that? Well, I feel lost. I can’t seem to shake the feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, and confusion either.

“I wish my life was half as beautiful as this beautiful afternoon in the beautiful city of Phoenicia,” I muttered.

****** ****** ******

What is life without school? I am breaking away from this adventure to solemnly ask you, Reader, this question.

Growing up, the importance of school was instilled in me similar to the way breathing is instilled into all aerobic creatures. It was a way of life. It just was, and there was no real point of asking any questions about that. My father was the first of his family to ever attend school. He was praised for being the first to come to America and pursue his education; a master in communication. My mother came from a scholarly family, so school has always been a way of life for her. Add those two together and you get a very very education positive upbringing.

I’ve managed to make it this far with spending the majority of my life blanketed behind the gentle grasp of the education system, but I don’t think I can hide behind the comfort that school has provided me. As I’m trying to complete my second year of my second and terminal degree, something keeps telling me to stop.

Is that normal? Shouldn’t I be happy to have made it this far in my educational career? Assignment deadlines that used to ruin my entire week seem to be null and void. I’m falling behind in all of my classes, I no longer put in the extra work to understand the posh language my professors speak. I am completely disengaged from what has been my security blanket for all these years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

But what do I do now? I am in my own for of existential dread. I don’t think I’ve ever envisioned myself in a reality where I didn’t have a terminal/doctoral degree to some craft or trade from some university, and now I’m left with a blank canvas. Bittersweet. Anyways—

****** ****** ******

It was a beautiful afternoon in the quaint and beautiful city of Phoenecia. I mustered up the strength to avoid meeting a kind of doom where I live the rest of my life as a slouched and crumbled idea. I stood up from my work area.

Wobbly at first, but I managed to find balance. I glanced around at my desolate home. Still empty. Still slightly depressing. Still a work in progress. Sigh.

“Why does everything feel like it’s ‘still a work in progress’? I groan loudly. Loud enough to wake My Cat, Chi up from his beauty sleep on my lint covered blow up mattress. He looked at me, smiled and closed his yellow sun eyes. My lovely Chi.

I somehow managed to find enough strength to start my day. I walked nervously to the bathroom mirror and stared intensely into my own eyes.

“What am I going to do?” I shriek. I dramatically threw my body onto the floor… or did I actually faint? Either way, I’m on the floor. Chi approaches me with nose nuzzles and cuddles. We lay there on the floor together. I wonder what Chi thinks about during times like this? He’s got a mouth that naturally curls up like a smile, so I just assume that he’s always smiling at me. I like to compare him to a miniature panther. He has a beautiful sleek black coat, cute black nose, and adorably sharp black paws. His wide sun eyes glisten with feline curiosity. He is the perfect companion.

I manage to stand up to face the mirror once again. I never noticed myself in this way before. My eyes, although darkened from lack of sleep, they still maintained their brightness. My nose, reddened from a mixture of days spent crying, allergies, and one or two glasses of wine sat beautifully on my face. My cheek bones rested sharply on my face. My lips, oh my lips. A gateway to my own emotional expression, or lack there of. They were perched perfectly above my chin. Despite everything that was going on, I still looked wonderful, and that was enough to effectively start my day. I looked down at my body. I was draped in my beautiful oversized red hoodie, a couple maple syrup stains here and there, but my hoodie remained vibrant.

Chi waltzed his little body towards mine. He performed one impressive leap onto the bathroom counter.

He always knows when I need company the most.

“I love you, silly cat,” I say with a reverent smile. He purred appropriately and gave me a respectful nose bump.

Now is a good time to start the day.

I direct Chi out of the bathroom. It’s me time. I close the door, light my candle, and dim the lights.

“Michael Jackson or Ella Fitzgerald?” I ask myself enthusiastically.

I decided on Amy Winehouse. I take off my red hoodie and wrap my favorite Floofie towel around my body.

“Ahhhh” I sigh, “it’s finally time to relax”.

*BANG BANG BANG*

*BANG BANG BANGGGG*

Each bang progressively louder than the previous.

Panicked I run to the door, forgetting that the only thing separating me from complete nudity is this Floofie towel.

*BANG BANG BANG*

The door swings open before I had the chance to open it.

“Kelly….” A familiar voice said so soothingly. I look up to see my estranged ex-boyfriend, Aubby staring intensely into my eyes.

“What on earth are you doing here?!?” I shriek.

“I can explain…” Aubby said softly. Him and that calming voice. “May I come in?” He inquired.