Beautiful Feeling

The phone rings. I’ve been waiting for him to call. We’ve been talking for two months now but have only met face-to-face just once. He’s everything I’ve wished for, kind, caring, hardworking, a family man. At least that’s what he has led me to believe through our phone conversations in the late hours of the night. The holiday season is just ending, so he’s been busy with work. But he’s finally calling, we have a weekend planned, a getaway from daily life. The phone rings again.

“Hello”, I say into the speaker. I hear his voice on the other end of the line. He says “hey” and asks how I’m doing. I tell him I am doing well, which is only partially true. The fact that I haven’t gotten to spend more than a few hours with him in the last two months is killing me inside. But he doesn’t need to know that, it’s already hard enough on him with his anxiety. Which I’m convinced has increased because of me.

“Are you all set for our trip?”

“I can’t wait”, I exclaim. “Just finishing up packing now”.

“Great’. Then he pauses. “Is there any chance we could meet at the campground?” he asks. The plan was for him to pick me up and make the hour trip down south to the campground together. I should have expected that plans would change as that is how the first two months have gone despite his reassurance that things will be different. I want to ask when are things going to be different? Why are you afraid to commit to spending time with me when you say that’s what you want? I just don’t understand how someone can say something yet do the exact opposite. I tell him I can come pick him up but he suggests just meeting there, so I reluctantly agree knowing that he may cancel the trip altogether if I don’t.

We plan to meet at the campground at check-in time. That gives me just a few short hours to pack up the car, gather my winter gear and camping supplies and make the just over hour drive south to the campground. I’ve never camped in the winter so I’m not quite sure what to expect, but he’s done it before and has everything we will need. I arrive at the campground just a few minutes before check-in and there he is looking as handsome as ever. He has already checked us in and picked up the directions to our campsite. We hop back in our cars and I let him lead the way.

Being winter, the sun will set soon. We decide that the first thing to do is pitch the tent. Fortunately, the campground has a platform for placing the tent on. We just need to shovel off the snow that currently resides there. I tell him I’ll do the shoveling, while he unpacks the tent. He reluctantly agrees, arguing that he should be the one to shovel off the platform. Once the tent is set and our gear packed into it, it’s time to build a fire.

While we both enjoy building a fire, I let him set up the logs. It’s at that moment that we realize we have forgotten the kindling. If you have ever tried lighting a fire without kindling you know it can prove difficult especially in the dead of a Minnesota winter. I suggest that we go on a hunt for kindling before the sky gets too dark as the sun has already begun to set. He agrees after failing to get the fire going, but not wanting to give up.

Now, you're probably thinking it will be impossible to find kindling with the ground covered in a thick layer of snow. You’re probably right. But we set out on the trail despite the odds of actually finding what we are searching for. I immediately reach for his hand, he pulls away slightly. Maybe I’m too straightforward, maybe it’s too soon, maybe I’m moving too fast for him. We chat about the little things as we continue our journey forward. We eventually stumble upon an area where the snow isn’t quite as deep. Looking around we notice some small twigs and leaves that might just do the trick.

As we head back toward our campsite the sounds of the night begin. The quiet rustle of the wind through the trees. The tender footsteps of the deer crunching through the snow in the distance. I begin to shiver. He reaches over and wraps his arm around me. I slide my arm under his as we finish the journey back to our campsite.

While the night is still young the stars begin to emerge in the night sky. He’s a science nerd and I love the stars. I suggest we stop a moment in the open parking lot to enjoy the view before returning to our secluded campsite hidden beneath the trees. As we stand there looking up at the sky, we hear the purring call of the barn owl searching for his mate. He pulls me closer, wrapping both arms around me. It’s at that moment I realize that he is exactly who I have been waiting for. Exactly where I was meant to be.

To Be Continued...