At Arm's Length

“Jax’syl, if we tarry longer our likelihood of arriving at the gala at the appointed time drops precipitously,” Uny’mai pulsed. “Teleportation is only near-instantaneous, you know.”

Jax’syl raised its head from the holoterminal. It was not fully aware of how much time had transpired, but it knew that its sub-cortex had been running absently while it stared at familiar symbols floating on the liquid screen. For quite some time.

“My apologies, Uny’mai,” Jax’syl replied, piezoelectric currents passing from its internal graphene circuitry to its metaplastic projectors. “My report to the Hegemony has consumed more cycles than I had intended.”

Uny’mai sauntered closer, appendages gliding effortlessly across the polished tile on the anti-gravity generators worked into its feet. “You are not prone to wasting cycles unduly, especially over a report to the Hegemony. What so ensnares your attention you would risk tardiness at a social occasion, one in your honor, no less?”

Jax’syl temporarily shut down its primary photoreceptors. However long it’d been staring at the screen, it’d been too long.

“The species contained in the report, the ‘humans’... my decision regarding their invitation to the Hegemony has left me... disquieted,” it replied slowly.

Uny’mai tilted its chromed head, and ultraviolet light rippled beneath the opaque metaplastic of its skin. “An odd choice of words, considering the logical pathways by which such a decision was concluded.”

Jax’syl was unable to construct a sufficiently logical counterpoint. “Indeed,” it concluded. And yet my disquietude remains.”

Uny’mai’s four arms arranged themselves in a configuration of aggravation, and the light wafting from its form changed from the ultraviolet to visible spectrum. “Perhaps your disquietude would be lessened if you recited your report to me? I should hardly believe you would need to look at it to do so, given the length of time you have already spend laboring over it.”

Jax’syl ignored the jibing implication, reasoning that logically the suggestion was a good one. It inclined its head in difference and pulsed cerulean in the visible spectrum. “Perhaps you are correct.”

“I am in the habit of being so,” Uny’mai replied as it reclined in a padded cradle adjacent the terminal. “Very well then, let us hear what so vexes the great Jax’syl Kry’lon.”

Jax’syl had never been comfortable with flattery, well meaning or otherwise, for obvious reasons. Nevertheless, it knew that Uny’mai had intended to be humorous, rather than derisory. Discomfort was collected, contained, and filed away in its databanks for later analysis and deletion.

“Jax’syl Kry’lon, Hegemon Ambassador to Quadrant CX-87a, Archival Log # 22-368-2: Concerning my report on the species known as ‘humans’,” it began.

“Is your intention to read the entire report?” Uny’mai interrupted.

“Is your intention to listen?” Jax’syl shot back with non-algorithmic harshness.

Uny’mai, limbs relaxed from their normal rigidity to a more relaxed state, and the faint hum of its antigravity suspensors fell silent. “If the duration of this exercise is subsequently lessened, then I respond affirmatively.”

Jax’syl continued. “Humans: carbon-based, sexually dimorphic species, bipedal, standard lifespan approximately 2.35 Standard Cycles, a-”

“2.35 Standard Cycles?” Uny’mai interjected. “Such a span of time is borderline infinitesimal.”

Jax’syl could find no fault in its companion’s logic, and thus responded with “Indeed.” It quickly browsed the remainder of the more scientific classifications it’d notated, before resolving that such frippery was irrelevant to the exercise, and would likely only lengthen the duration.

“I will skip ahead to the message,” the Ambassador said. “The Hegemony has asked why I, in such stringent terms, advised against extending an invitation to the humans. I understand the heightened curiosity; such an advisement is, in galactic terms, rare. The humans had, after all, achieved sufficient technological advancement in accordance with the Non-Interference Principle. Human physiology exhibits no virulence or infectious corruption that could endanger other species. The species possessed none of the usual characteristics that would have forbidden their inclusion under Hegemon laws. The reason is exceedingly simple, but requires a degree of explanation, hence this personal addendum to my official recommendation.”

“Simple things generally do not require considerable explanation,” Uny’mai interjected, inclining two of its silvered limbs.

“Quantum mechanics would disagree,” Jax’syl replied with a pulse of radiation before continuing. “Given the scope of my responsibilities as Ambassador of such a large quadrant my personal interaction with the humans has, candidly, been brief, however my comprehensive analysis have left me astonished by the strength of their psychophysical reaction to the organic compounds secreted within their brains. These biochemical responses are generically refer to by humans as “emotions”.

Uny’mai’s graphene circuitry sparkled with piezoelectric as the term cycled though crystalline memory chambers. “An odd term. Almost a conceptual corruption of the Motive Force.”

“More than you can imagine,” Jax’syl replied, before continuing. “Let us consider ‘hope’. It is an unconscious state of heightened optimism, often triggering subtle adrenal,” Jax’syl paused. “That’s an endocrine excretion,” it added, before inputting an addendum to the report and nestling it in the lower liquid layer. “That reduces a human’s ability to compute the most basic risk/reward matrices. In a time 8.42 Standard Cycles past, the strength of humanity’s hope first compelled their species into the stars, riding, of all things, ramshackle towers of exploding chemicals. Although this may, initially, appear to be a triumph, further scrutiny can reveal only bafflement at how a supposedly intelligent race could have rationalized such a dangerous endeavor, or indeed, how the first pilots of these insane contraptions could have agreed to risk their lives on such rudimentary science.”

Uny’mai’s light matrix flickered viridian as it for a picosecond tapped the quantum chonomotron to discern our likelihood of tardiness. “Bafflement would be an understatement.”

Jax’syl’s impellers rippled and were stilled within a margin of effort of 12 picoseconds. Longer than usual. “If you knew the staggering cost in time, resources, and lives, spanning generations upon generations, you would not be so blasé in your assessment,” it replied before continuing with the report. “However, let it not be said that the humans’ attachment to emotion has only resulted in positive outcomes for the species. Far from it, and therein lies the crux of my reluctance. Take, for example human mating: their continued enslavement to their hormone-induced breeding imperatives bloated their population far, far beyond sustainability, and only attrition through disease and warfare displayed even a hope of stemming their suicide by reproduction.”

Uny’mai’s attention flickered in wisps of microwave radiation, but its photoreceptors widened almost imperceptibly. “Such behavior would suggest the humans have more in common with a bacteria than a sentient species. I can arrive at no other conclusion than that your decision to refuse their invitation was logically sound.” It paused, microwaves strengthening. “But your decision was not rooted in their mating practices, was it?”

“Negative,” Jax’syl responded. “Indeed, I hypothesized that it was actually their mating-induced resource scarcity that initially compelled the humans to colonize their star system far before they had developed safe, efficient space travel. Or even the basic infrastructure to support a system-wide governing body.”

“Fascinating,” Uny’mai replied. “Were you correct in your hypothesis?”

Rather than answer, the Ambassador continued. “The scale of the crisis, and its cause, was fully known to the humans, and yet rather than enact logical breeding protocols they almost unanimously decided upon rapid expansion instead, addressing only the symptoms and ignoring the disease. This, predictably, did measurably little, if anything, to alleviate the humans’ overpopulation crisis. Every lunar habitation center, artificial satellite, and space vessel I observed had outgrown its ability to provide sustenance, maintain a survivable temperate, or sufficiently recycle oxygen or oxygen-based compounds.”

“Oxygen?” Uny’mai asked. “The chalcogen element comprised of eight protons?”

“The humans have a respiratory apparatus that requires a constant supply of oxygen, and a circulatory system that requires a near-constant supply of an oxygen-and-hydrogen compound called ‘water’, or else the entire body dies,” Jax’syl explained.

Uny’mai flexed its digits to relieve electrometric residue. “It’s difficult to believe these creatures even managed to survive their own planet, much less advance into the void beyond it.”

Jax’syl nodded, which it realized, absently, was a distinctly human gesture. “There is a recalcitrance to the humans that is maddening to conceptualize. Indeed, the fact that humans have survived this long is due in no small part to their innate stubbornness, but this trait has not served the species well beyond prolonging its existence.” The Ambassador paused as its photoreceptors aligned to the most relevant place in the report. “Indeed the humans’ obstinate insistence on independence has, in my 109.98 Standard Cycles of societal development, prevented the species from unifying into a single governmental body even once in the race’s history. Armed conflicts over resources, borders, and ideologies remain shockingly common. During the course of my inspection period I observed a number of human philosophers attempt to remedy the species’ self-destructive tendencies, but none have been successful in curbing the species’ infatuation with “freedom”, which is an ambiguous concept that they themselves cannot quantify or even agree upon, but will, with little provocation, commit mass murder amongst their own kind to defend.”

“So the creatures are short-sighted and primitive, despite achieving space travel,” Uny’mai interjected. “Honestly, Jax’syl, I am quite unable to understand why you’ve expressed such conflict over the refutation of invitation to this species. They are simply not ready, if they ever will be. How many other species have you, as an Ambassador, made such a recommendation? I am certain it is not beyond your counting.”

Jax’syl didn’t respond, though it felt the nanocytes comprising its ferrocrystal infrastructure wriggle. It continued with its report. “Given the horrors the humans inflict upon themselves in the name of their emotions, even ‘hope’, it is quite simple to understand their biological proclivity for hopelessness. Their capacity for melancholy is so great that, unbelievably, thousands upon thousands of humans voluntarily terminate their own existences with each planetary rotation.”

“Self termination?”

“Indeed,” Jax’syl replied. “It is actually the primary cause of death for adolescent humans. After drowning.”

Uny’mai’s memory circuits spooled and unspooled, attempting to wring the definition of the unfamiliar work from its data cores. “Drowning?”

“Humans cannot survive when submerged in the oxygen and hydrogen compound.” Jax’syl explained.

“But don’t they require oxygen to live?”

“Different bodily system, but yes.”

“Jax’syl, I am beginning to understand why this report has so disquieted you,” Uny’mai proclaimed, the euphonious thrum of its emanations shifting from ultraviolet to visible spectrum. “These creatures are a biological contradiction, and their mere existence, and thus your responsibility to study them, is rooted in abject absurdity.”

The Ambassador continued. “Vast swathes of the population are enslaved to synthetic chemicals they recreationally ingest to achieve short-term neurological impairment to escape their despondency. Much of human art, media, and culture is centered around sadness. One could almost pity them."

“Almost?” Uny’mai replied. “I consider myself intimately acquainted with your skills as an author, and I know such a qualifier would not have been inserted without reason.”

“No,” Jax’syl admitted. “Despite the humans’ obvious deficiencies in brain chemistry and impulse control they are not the reason that I advised to exclude them from the Hegemon: above all, the depth of the humans’ anger has shocked me.”

Uny’mai’s electromagnetic spectrum pulsed crimson and cerulean and bled into the visible spectrum around its joints. “I retract my previous statement. ‘Shocked’ implies an unintended state of surprise or dread, and to imply that you, after 109.98 Standard Cycles of observation could’ve been surprised by this species behavior is not only implausible, but undermines would credentials as an Ambassador with 1,927,037 Standard Cycles of service to the Hegemon. Now, to return to my previous point, our likelihood of arriving at the gala at the appointed time is 0.0082% if leave by the time I conclude this declaration.”

“I observed what will eventually be classified in official Hegemon records as the Human-Ilmari War,” Jax’syl announced, its pulse burring across multiple frequencies to such an extent that the crystalline lattice of its shell trembled.

Uny’mai’s head swiveled so that its photoreceptors were locked. “The Ilmari?”

Rather than extrapolate, Jax’syl continued with its report. “Ilmari: xenon-based, osmosoid, gaseous biology, standard lifespan approximately 13.46 Standard Cycles, a-” Jax’syl paused again at this rudimentary data, and proceeded once more with its report. “The Ilmari were inducted into the Hegemony 156.71 Standard Cycles ago, but, in my opinion as an Ambassador, have retained a petulant demeanor. I surmise that it was because of some misplaced, wounded pride that they attempted to invade the human's home system at all. My own observation suggests that the ilmari sent an unmanned probe as a gesture of introduction to the humans, and the humans destroyed it. Nevertheless I am convinced that their invasion was nothing more than the posturing of a species yet to outgrown such pointless displays.”

“Ilmari history was seemingly built on such foolishness,” Uny’mai remarked.

Imari history. The very concept impelled Jax’syl’s sub-cortex to churn, and the imperatives it regurgitated were as disquieting as the others that had emerged since it’d set to document this addendum.

“The ilmari quickly learned that they had drastically underestimated the size and effectiveness of the human’s combined military capabilities, as had we all. How could we have known? The entirety of humans’ observable history was an endless cycle of producing crude weapons and turning them on themselves. But the threat of invasion transformed the collective human psyche, although the result was far from desirable. I observed every base, vessel, and satellite become swathed in the finest armament the humans had ever build, crude in form but lethal in function, and instead of being turned against one another, now they were turned against an outside enemy.”

“You report makes these creatures sound almost dangerous,” Uny’mai said, although its interjection lacked the ultraviolet joviality. The companion was not jesting, but asking. Imploring.

Jax’syl acutely understood why.

“The ilmari’s invasion became hopelessly stymied long before they reached the human homeworld, as the entire species turned their weapons of war upon the foolish aggressor. The imlari armada suffered defeat after defeat after defeat, regardless of the millions upon millions of humans they killed. Almost in spite of it, actually. In .13 Standard Cycles the ilmari armada was utterly crippled, their military defeated, and all without ever truly posing a significant threat to the humans’ survival.”

Uny’mai rose from its cradle and raised its four arms in the position of renunciation. “I have heard a sufficient amount of your testimony,” Uny’mai pulsed in the visible spectrum. “Our punctuality at the gala is unnecessary.”

“You do not wish to hear how the humans responded to their defanged opponents?” Jax’syl queried. Its ferroplastics crawled with heavy ions and loose electrons like an atmospheric discharge as it formed the words.

Uny’mai limbs shivered at their electromagnetic joints, but it settled itself, almost grudgingly, into its cradle. “I do not,’ it replied with the utmost earnestness.

“Before the dead could even be buried millions upon millions of humans disembarked from the home system in a great horde. Every vessel capable of interplanetary flight was conscripted into service, and retrofitted with weapons they were forbidden to use even against each other.”

Uny’mai emitted a derisive cloud of ions from its ventral exhaust ports. “There were forbidden weapons? Among these self-terminating, irrational, primitives?”

“Worse than I had even conceptualized, much less predicted,” Jax’syl replied grimly, before continuing. “The humans mercilessly slaughtered the remainder of the ilmari fleet with radioactive explosives and broadcast their death-screams back to Ilmari Prime in a barbaric display of senseless cruelty.”

Uny’mai rose from its throne and folded its limbs in a gesture of retirement. “I have decided that I do not wish to hear more of your report.”

But the Ambassador’s logic circuits had locked, allowing the resultant streams of liquid crystals to pool in the portion of its logic banks that would otherwise have erased such excess. “The humans’ anger was not quenched with their victory,” Jax’syl intoned, pulsing at an ultrasonic frequency that rattled the stones of its lab. “As a species, unified for the first time in its entire bloody history, the humans flung their mighty war-fleets across the stars to the Ilmar system. They burned through the ilmaris’ automated defense stations, utterly scorning the millions more they lost in the endeavor. I suspect the ilmari leaders still believed the humans simply wished to further humiliate them, although I cannot say for certain: as I said before, the ilmari have deeply entrenched, elaborate social protocols that guide their reasoning. Nevertheless, the ilmari adopted a stance of submissive contrition towards the humans’ aggression, admitting defeat, deactivating their remaining defensive installations, and inviting the human armada to a formal surrendering ceremony at their home world.”

“And?”

Jax’syl’s photoreceptors closed, even though it allowed the recording of the atrocity to come to more completely envelop its memory. “The humans carpeted the surface of Ilmari Prime with atomic missiles while the ilmari leaders pleaded for mercy."

“I wish to hear no more,” Uny’mai announced, rising from its cradle. It slid towards the archway.

“I estimated that over eighty-six percent of the ilmari race perished in the humans’ opening fusillade, some 13.47 billion, the rest cowering in underground bunkers,” Jax;syl read on. “As documented in Hegemony requisition request 2937-297-727k4, I appropriated a team of preservation specialists to supervise the withdrawal of the remaining ilmari for resettlement on a new world, in order to preserve the species. We never had the chance to do so. The moment the nuclear firestorms had abated the humans, against all safety, logic, and decency, disgorged wave after wave of armored soldiers, warmachines, and battleships into the radioactive wastelands. They laid siege to the rubble of Ilmari Prime’s once proud cities, decimating every stronghold and sanctuary, blasting open every shelter one by one. The surviving ilmari fought back with rocks and sticks.”

“I was clear that I did not de-

“Any attempts to intervene by the Hegemony were thwarted with overwhelming force from the humans,” Jax’syl snapped with a shuddering infrared pulse from its carapace. “Do you not understand my disquietude now? Any efforts to broker a peace, or at very least prevent a species’ extinction were brazenly rebutted with threats of further violence by the humans, and we could not stop them.”

Uny’mai’s head swiveled on its gimbals in a matter most erratic. Jax’syl regretted agreeing to share its report addendum, or would have if not for its companion’s initial flippancy. “How is that possible?” the chromed automaton enquired. “The humans are short-lived, emotional primitives, barely more than animals. How could such creatures have accomplished such a feat? It is affront to logic and a mockery of mathematics.”

“And now you understand the source of my disquiet,” Jax’syl replied. “The humans recorded and broadcast their atrocities as they massacred the ilmari, using every primitive radio frequency they knew. Whether they did so as a challenge to the Hegemony’s authority, or as a warning to other potential aggressors I cannot say, but as I watched Ilmari Prime die I understood the true danger the humans presented. It was not their hope or their hopelessness, or their fear or their sorrow that made them a threat: the biochemical response know as ‘anger’, and anger alone, had forged the human species into a terrible force of genocide.”

“Thus ended what I expect will soon become known as the Human-Ilmari War,” Jax’syl concluded, reading the final lines of its own report. “In less than 1.27 Standard Cycles the ilmari, a civilization of fifteen billion lifeforms that had existed for 489.96 Standard Cycles, is now extinct, along with every lifeform on Ilmari Prime larger than a protozoa.”

“Wait. This has all happened... now?”

“Minus quantum delay in teleportation, affirmative. The ilmari ceased to exist not 0.14 Standard Cycles ago, and the humans have already begun plundering the Ilmari Empire for weapons, technology, and resources. A unified governing body appears to be coagulating from the morass, and as of 0.02 Standard Cycles ago is instituting mandatory minimum breeding to replace the millions lost in the war, and prepare for the next.”

Uny’Mai’ ferroplast exterior rippled in a flutter of liquid chrome. “I have heard enough!’ it echoed, stamping its foot so hard that the gravatic field shattered the marble floor. “Please, Jax’sel, forgive my previous petulance and excuse my concern for the gala as uncharacteristic impetuousness. I will consider our tardiness to the gala moot, under the stipulation that you furnish me with no further details about the barbarous humans.”

Jax’syl’s rebuttal was subsumed by its nanocytes and bled away into catharsis sumps embedded in it metallic spinal column, and at once all concern evaporated into the nascent thrum of data that permeated consciousness.

“A fair bargain,” the Ambassador said threading its limbs around Uny’Mai’s. “Come, the gala awaits, and by my calculation our likelihood of arriving punctuality is greater than .015%.”

The final words of Jax’syl’s report remained unread, but remained etched in the Ambassador’s logic banks.

“Having born witness to the senseless brutality of the Human-Ilmari War, as well as the humans’ own capability for shortsighted, illogical barbarity, it is my most fervent recommendation to the Hegemon that the humans not be invited to join the galactic collective under any circumstance. Indeed, given their overwhelming violence towards outside aggression, I further advised that the humans be quarantined from interaction with any other species within the Hegemon, for the safety of all. Truly, any species that responds to misguided slights with total genocide should be kept, as the humans say, ‘at an arm’s length’.”