Ashes, Ashes

”I see you’ve been emailing Lila.”

“What?”

“Give me your goddamn phone.”

“There’s nothing on there.”

“I know. I read Lila’s instructions for covering your tracks in case ‘that army of bitches puts their heads together.’ The army of bitches put our heads together. When you finish explaining exactly how long you and Lila have been fucking, you can pack your shit and get out.”

“Lila and I are not fucking.”

“Liar!! According to your email, you’ve been fucking her since 1988.”

“That was high school.”

“I hate you!!!”

“You’re just upset. I love you. We can work this out.”

“You asshole!!! You said you love her shoulders!

“No, I love your shoulders!”

“No, you love Lila’s shoulders, Lila’s stories, Lila’s tits, Lila’s mouth, Lila, Lila, Lila!!!”

“I don’t love Lila. I love you.”

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have talked about me with Lila.”

“I made a mistake; Lila and I were trying to save our daughter.”

“Don’t you dare try to make this about Liz. She’s been out of rehab for three months.”

“And you didn’t go to her graduation.”

“I was sick!”

“You’re always sick when we need to see Liz.”

“You gave Lila a Mother’s Day present.”

“I should have always been doing that. It’s disrespectful not to. Ow. If you can’t be civilized, I’m leaving.”

“Daisy Jill is your daughter, and I’m her mother! I’m the one being disrespected.”

“Daisy Jill is a dog. Liz is a human. Her lack of inclusion in our lives may be why she needed rehab.”

“I fucking hate you!! Just leave and go jerk off to Lila’s boobs and Lila’s porn!”

“Just what?”

“You heard me. I saw EVERYTHING!!! You sick, sick bastard!”

“Oh, you’ve been reading Lila’s fiction.”

“Don’t you fucking tell me it’s fiction! I read all about her using your moves on herself to get herself off, the dirty whore.”

“It’s what she does. She takes a thread of truth and turns it into something completely fabricated. Ask anyone who’s read her writing.”

“According to her emails, you’re the only one reading what she writes. Her little audience of one for a sick walk down memory lane with you, Jane, and Ashley.”

“That never happened!!”

“What about her ‘paradox of stasis,’ whatever the hell that is? You’ve never wanted anything more?”

“I like her writing!! She just started writing again when Liz was at rehab. I’m happy for her!”

“Why does she call you Mizzou? What white dress? You’re running away with her, aren’t you?!”

“I am NOT running away with Lila. I’m not leaving you, and she’s not leaving Matthew.”

“Maybe that isn’t up to you and Lila!! Just wait til I call Matthew!!”

“You’re not calling Matthew. You’re acting crazy.”

“Don’t you call me crazy, Sam Fisher!! You’re fucking that whore and making a fool out of me!!!”

“Lila’s not a whore. No one is making a fool out of you.”

“WHY DOES SHE CALL YOU MIZZOU?!”

“Stop screaming.”

“I’LL STOP SCREAMING WHEN YOU ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!!”

“What question?”

“You asshole! Who’s Henry Clay? What’s the Kansas-Nebraska Act? And why the fuck does Lila say you’ll always be ‘her Mizzou’?”

“Henry Clay was—“

“You motherfucker!! Don’t you DARE laugh at me.”

“Henry Clay was Speaker of the House during the Missouri Compromise. The Kansas-Nebraska Act ended the Missouri Compromise.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Is this some joke of yours and Lila’s? You’re seriously giving me a history lecture when our marriage is falling apart?”

“It’s been falling apart for a long time.”

“What did you just say? Are you making this my fault? Am I somehow responsible for you wanting to put your dick in that dirty bitch Lila? You didn’t learn your lesson the first time?”

“It’s not your fault. You’re the one asking about American history, not me.”

“Because it was in Lila’s emails!!”

“Lila is a nerd. You know that.”

“But one of the things you love most about her is that she’s so smart. And I’m so stupid you correct how I say perodontist.”

“It’s periodontist. And you’re not stupid.”

“GET OUT!!!!”