Anything But Cathartic

I had been waiting for this forever. To finally tell that asshole how I truly feel about him. The years that I spent dealing with him not appreciating me. And how he cheated on me after how much I sacrificed for him. Ten years of my life were wasted and flushed down the drain because of him.

I don’t know why the Hell I had put up with him.

How pathetic was I for dealing with him at all? Why couldn’t I have dumped him after he forgot my birthday? Or didn’t get me real presents on Christmas? It wasn’t like he was good for anything. The man couldn’t even do laundry without me holding his hand!

When he went on his work trip I finally did it. First, I had my friends help me take my things out of our apartment. Then I got a new phone number. Blocked him on everything that I had him on. It wasn’t like it was hard. We only followed each other on Twitter and Instagram. He was the only one out of us that had Facebook. Despite it being for more older people than the two of us. But that’s Antony for you. Using things that people don’t use anymore. He probably would have a Myspace account if Myspace wasn’t gone.

At any rate, I’m going to march up to his stupid house. Knock on his door and tell him off for everything he’d done to me. For everything he failed to do for me.

Yet the feeling that I shouldn’t be doing this was…well, a little overwhelming for me. I was going to do something stupid. So very stupid. Yelling at an ex that has nothing to do with me now. And has probably moved on with life. Going up to scream at him about how bad he was to me. Just bellow at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear. Say things that I have had on my mind for years. So many years now. Despite all of this I had this nagging doubt in the back of my mind.

Was it worth it?

Of course it was…no…yeah…no…fuck, I’m not even sure. This isn’t worth it, but it feels like it would be. To give me the catharsis that I so longed for so damn long. All of this is what I’ve wanted for so many years. Yet it doesn’t feel like it’s really all that worth it. That I’m not going to be dealing with anything good. Looking down at my hands as I grasp the steering wheel, I questioned no one,”Am I really about to do this?”

“Go see him after so damn long? Is it worth it?”,I added. Looking at myself in the rearview mirror. I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. When I saw my own eyes, I felt this resolve wash over me. It was what I needed to do. If I didn’t do this then I wouldn’t be free of that jackass. So, the sooner I get what I needed to say said. Rip this off like it was a Band-Aid and move on with my life.

So, I took a deep breath as I turned to look at his front door. Freezing a little when I saw it opening. Antony came out looking completely different than normal. He looked more well-groomed than he used to. Hair cut super short but styled well. And I don’t ever remember seeing him wear a tie before. It was sort of unreal. Before I could even think of what to do next. Someone else came out of the house with him. A lady dressed in a blue polka dot dress. Her hair was a red color that I could only dream of having. She gently touched his shoulder, and they did something that really hurt my heart…they kissed.

On the lips.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach when I saw that. Mouth dropped open as Antony went to his car and drove off. The beautiful woman went back into the house. Leaving me to sit there as I debated my next move.