Angels and mercy

Angels and mercy!

Reality and conflict.

In my experience, those who beg for mercy seldom deserve it. This was and is my experience but now I have had the strangest and most unsettling period of my life and this has caused me to examine the whole concept of “mercy.” Why am I rambling on about mercy? It came about like this.

It was late in the afternoon, a cold misty damp and unpleasant November afternoon; I was in a hurry and a bad temper, the traffic had been terrible, the radio news was full of gloom and despondency and my boss was on the mobile every few minutes asking if I had done this or that. If I could throw away that bloody phone I might just have the time to actually do the things he wanted to take credit for. Out of the murk and dull light I saw a flash of silver, it moved too fast for my eyes to focus and send a clear message to my brain, all I recorded was a large silver thing going at speed at right angles to my car. Then the brain kicked in saying that’s impossible no cross roads no sound just a large silver object disappearing to my left where no road exists, imagination, over tired, need a rest. I pulled into a lay by and left the car, I stood looking back and to my left, no sound, no flash of light nothing. Then it slowly came into my realization, no sound, no sound at all. No traffic no tractors; no birds, not even my own breathing, no sound at all. I experimented by slapping my hand on the roof of the car, I was totally deaf no sound getting from ears to senses. I sat back in the car shock robbing both body and intellect of action.

I do not know how long I sat in this silent daze, may be three or four minutes then I got mind and body into action I locked the car and walked back towards where I had seen the silver flash. Then it seeped into my awareness that as well as no sound there was no movement, other than my own. I was walking though a completely still and silent world. What the hell is going on? The trees were still, no wind, no other traffic came down the road; I looked down at my wrist watch to check the time then I stopped and stared at it, this is wrong, according to the watch no time had passed since I had that last phone interruption, just before the silver flash. I stood to try and organize my thoughts. No sound, no movement and time standing still; was I dead? Was that silver flash an accident that killed me instantly and I was in some afterlife antechamber? If I am dead how can I still see the road and the car the trees and how can I still walk down the road? I can feel my footsteps even if I can not hear them. This was not just weird it was all wrong.

I walked back to the place where I judged I had seen the flash, the object, what ever it was, it had gone towards what is now my right and so I began searching for some sign. After some time, I had no way to measure how long but I judged only about ten minutes I saw a most amazing thing. In a field about a hundred meters from the road was an object that at first glimpse looked like a squashed caravan, it was silver. I was not dead! I am not sure which was the strongest feeling, relief, fear, anger or curiosity. Curiosity won the moment and I scrambled down the ditch and into the field as I came closer to the object I could see that it looked less like a squished caravan than I first thought. I suppose that at this time my preconceptions kicked in that this should be saucer shaped but it was not. It was oblong from the view I had and as I got nearer I started to circle about it, it was oblong which ever way I looked at it. It was about two meters tall and about four meters long on all four sides. It was a large silver box. It seems silly now but my initial thought was that this could not fly so where was the rest of it? I could not see any sort of window or door just silver oblong walls. No sound no movement no smell no sense of heat or cold.

I stood and looked, I walked around from a distance of about five meters, then slowly came nearer to the object, still no movement, I glanced again at my watch still no time but was this just a lack of movement in my watch? May be time still moved just my watch had stopped. How come I could move and nothing else could?

Eventually, since nothing had happened to trigger my flight or fight mechanisms I came right up to the walls and reached out my hand, as I touched the silver wall it disappeared, just disappeared from my view, still no sound no sense of movement one second I was about to touch the wall, next second no wall to touch. I recoiled almost fell back in shock and the instant I did, the wall reappeared. Just as before.

This was getting stranger and out of all the range of possibilities I could think of, I must have stopped thinking just to cope with this. I then operated on some sort of reflex no conscious thought just action; I ran round the object and tried to touch the other side, it disappeared and reappeared when I stepped away. I went round another ninety degrees and tried again, same result. I sat and then lay down to rest on the meadow, and then I saw something that made me sit up very fast. At ground level, my eyes looking along the level of the grass I could see a faint light coming from under the box. Still no sounds or movement so I lay down and looked again, definitely a light showing under the object about this time I realized that while I had seen four sides I had not been able to see what was, to me, the top or bottom of the thing; may be it was the wrong way up and like a crashed car that rolled it was on its roof. How would I know? anyway a light was showing. I crawled nearer, hesitated and thought about phoning for help. I retreated and tried my mobile. No signal no battery it was dead. I crawled back towards the box and peered under the side, although it seemed firmly on the ground the grass was not even crushed, the box rested on the tops of the buttercups and rye grass. I put my arm under to try and see if things disappeared when this surface was touched. It did not. Instead the whole thing rode up as if I had used a jack to lift it. I was immediately overcome with a deep and destructive feeling of emotional pain, all of the sense of loss I had felt in my life; all of the grief and pain, all of the anger, all the feelings of injustice over negative criticism I had endured, all the implications of failure, all the barbed insults, all the tears if I dare try to reply in kind, all those negative frustrations all that crippling sense of inadequacy that had been poured over me, came back. It washed through my entire being leaving me stricken with emotional pain. I cried I howled I sobbed.

My mind was completely focused on every aspect of my life that hurt, every part that caused me pain or regret. Then came a peace. I could open by eyes wipe away the tears and I knew deep inside that all these terrible feeling had been imposed on me because those dumping them just wanted to lash out, to express their own hurts or failings and I was just the waste tip of their negativity. I knew in my very heart that I could over come; I could rise above and find happiness. It was such an odd sensation, such an odd situation; I was laying in a grass meadow in an imposed silence holding up a huge silver block with one finger and all the sensations I had were emotional, pain then relief. I raised the block higher and wriggled my head under it. The light was coming from a small window in the center of this face. At this point I was certain this must be an alien craft, what else could silence and still the environment about it; what else could affect emotions so much without any apparent cause. I shifted back to the edge of the craft and stood. I lifted the whole thing up with such ease, no weight at all I lifted and turned it so that the window was now on the side I was standing beside. The window as about a meter from the ground I bent to look in. I am not sure what I expected to see but it was not Angels. Angels did not need space ships, they had wings, they could appear where ever they wanted, and they had no need of large silver oblong boxes. Yet inside this box were three Angels, lying on couches, they did not move. Could Angels die? They were all about two meters long filling half the length of the craft; they lay side by side in hammock type couches. They had beautiful faces with golden hair and white wings folded over their bodies. The one nearest me was creamy white tinged with gold, the next one was much darker skinned, and this was tinged with silver. The third was a reddish brown and tinged with purple. The faces were identical; the coloring seemed to be the only difference. The rest of the craft, about half its length, seemed to be empty. There were no mass of dials and computer screens, nothing just empty space. Around the window were a series of engraved shapes. Geometric representations of triangles squares circles and a pyramid, as I ran my fingers over the engravings my emotions went through a mad cycle of feelings from pain to absolute exultation. The faster I moved my fingers the faster the emotions changed. If I took my hand away the felling stopped and rationality was restored. I looked into the window again but nothing had changed inside.

I stood beside the craft but no time passed, I was in a curious limbo I was aware that time should be passing but that it wasn’t. Eventually I forced myself to move and act. Surely there should be a door, but do ethereal being such as Angels need a door? The conflict between my scientific rational and my belief in a spiritual existence raged though my very being; I willed my mind to take control and my body to take deep breaths, slowly I gained control, I allowed the various thoughts to exist but used my Zen training to allow these while also ignoring them in order to act. I tried pressing the engravings in various sequences, keeping my emotional responses to the touch of each one separate from my mind and physical movements. All this took great effort but eventually I must have chanced on the correct combination. The whole section of the craft containing the window and the wall that surrounded it swung open. It separated down the middle. No line, no join had shown itself but it split in the middle and each half swung open. That frivolous part of my brain, that part that was always getting me into trouble with people who took themselves so seriously, asked why no fanfare, no hallelujah chorus, but there was nothing no sound no movement just a wide opening. The odd thing was that now I could see inside and could have stepped in, the angels filled the length, there was no empty space. I was about to step into the craft when some intuitive thought came. Is this all too easy? Are these Angels or the bait in a trap? I stepped back, the doors stayed open but there was a slight movement in the grass under my feet. Just the slightest hint of movement, of sound but these were the first indications of life as I recognized it for some time. I pulled up a tuft of grass and threw it into the opening; I have no idea what I expected but not this. The grass burst into fire, flared up like the driest tinder, burnt brightly and was gone. I sat down. I stood up. I walked round the craft. I stood on the opposite side to the open one and lifted the craft, the doors that had opened did not impede me as I had expected, seems the laws of mechanical physics do not apply to this what ever it is. The craft turned over so that the now open face was on the ground. I lifted and shook the whole thing.

The screams of rage and torment eat into my very soul. The pain was physical, emotional and mental; my whole body burnt in a fire from hell but then it was over. The craft disappeared. The silent Angels remained. They were still in a sleeping position just as I had first seen them but no hammock no bed they just lay in a row suspended a short distance above the ground still and silent, seemingly lifeless. I was totally and completely exhausted; I have never experienced such a depth of physical and mental emptiness. I never want to have such an experience again. I fell to the grass, I have no idea how much real time passed while I regained enough energy to function. With such a recent memory of the burning grass I was very cautious now; I pulled another tuft of grass and gently aimed it towards the nearest angel. It landed on it, no fire no fuss just gently settled on the wings. The Angel stirred, the wings unfolded and a shimmering, beautiful, human shaped creature clothed in white stood. The act of unfolding the wings triggered action in the other two angels and soon all three were vertical, still suspended a few centimeters above the ground surface but standing upright with wings behind them, just as in all the classical pictures. I became aware that there was now some movement, the grass shimmied as if in a breeze and I could hear bird song in the distance. The Angels opened their eyes, all at same time; in fact they now acted in complete unison as if they were actually one creature with three images. I was now at a complete loss, how do you address an Angel? Nothing in my life, or my studies had prepared me for this. I saw the mouths of the Angels open but I felt the words in my brain rather than hear them through my ears, “thank you for opening the window of this reality, thank you for allowing us free of bondage” It sounds so silly but all my mind could come up with was “that’s OK, you’re welcome” I sat on the grass and the angels lowered themselves to the ground. They spoke into my mind again “you are wishing to understand what it is that you have witnessed and how we came to be trapped. We are collectively the Angel of mercy and we were ensnared by evil that wishes to remove the facet of mercy from the realm of physical human kind. We see from what is in your mind, that the ideas of heaven and earth being connected, is known to you. We see that you understand the ancient philosophy of, as above so below. The forces of evil wished to remove Mercy from human behavior so that over time, it would also be removed from the ethereal forces of good.” I blurted out in sound “but how could such as yourselves be trapped, what force can contain Angels” The angels gave small smiles, slight grins as they explained that the strength of Mercy had been diminished in human kind over a long period, as this human generated mercy weakened so they also lost some of their power until a concerted effort by the dark forces of evil, which were strengthen by the human activities such as greed, usury, controlling others for self interest and disregard for honour chivalry and mercy. The evil forces had encased them in the craft and had tried to send this on an endless voyage through ethereal space and time, Stopping time and stopping physical movement in order that they could never act in the physical world again. TheAngels had summoned up their energies and used this collective power to bring the craft back into this world at this time. The negativity and hurt I felt was the result of my stepping into the forces that were acting to prevent their escape,

“What now, does mercy regain its place in human behaviour” I sent this thought back to them. “it is not so simple, we can only promote mercy when humans start the process of generating it, in other words if a human thinks that mercy should be shown to others we can magnify that thought and add it to other collections of similar thoughts” I asked “what about a cry for mercy from a victim”. The reply was unsettling. “We can not answer requests, we can only enhance, encourage and increase that which is started in human emotion. If a victim pleads for mercy for themselves and their aggressor does not allow the concept of mercy to enter their emotions, we can do nothing, but if the aggressor does start to feel, we can increase and magnify this feeling. Also if the plea is for mercy to others then the emotion is merciful not a request and we can act to increase the force of this emotion.”

I sat staring at the Angels trying to put some understanding and order to my mind, The virtuous emotions we humans feel, and by implication, the non virtuous emotions, are the starting point, the forces of good and the forces of evil do not create but they only enhance, multiply and strengthen. Humans are the creative force.

The shock of this hit me like a hammer. I closed my eyes for a moment to strengthen my concentration. When I opened them again I was alone. I was in an empty field, the sounds and movements all normal. I looked at my watch it was going. Three hours had passed. The mobile phone in my pocket screeched its usual strident call. I reached for it switched it off and threw it away. Then realised I was still bound to live in my reality and found the phone again. I left it turned off and walked back to my car. Mercy, what is it? and why? I am not sure I know.