An Everyday Focus

I recognize that yellow beam piercing my line of sight. Am I too far away to recognize my glory from here? Seems to me I should respect it’s authority, at least for now. I’ll get by the next one. I start trembling, subtly, like I can’t control it even though I do. I keep that pressure applied until everything just stops, right where I am supposed to be. I peer to my right and witness perhaps that most mundane atrocity someone could commit, one that almost always results in nothing happening. Sometimes though, there is a fatal outcome, one that can easily be avoided if everyone just had more patience, if only for this moment.

I’m now red, a little enraged by what I saw and slightly envious, ironically, that they got away with it. I didn’t dare upset the ultimate beacon ahead, imposing it’s dominion over each one of us. I could toil over this fraught conundrum I put myself in, but I let it go, after all this really wasn’t something to be frustrated about anyway. I can sit here, patiently awaiting my turn to carve a path that lie ahead toward whatever greets me at the end. As I glance back and forth, slowing shrinking in gaze, my eyes quickly fixate on a shape in the distance. It looks suspicious, almost foreign in nature. I have to know what this is, but I’m stuck, unable to investigate until the almighty allows it. As I’m trying to deduce whatever conclusion I can about the identity of this object, my mind begins to run away idea after idea on what this could be.

This is it, I’ve slipped back into the void of my subconscious, always a victim of my own attention. Here, in this place, I can be free to think of anything I want. I am free from restraints, free from any bonds that life throws at me, preventing me from truly expressing myself. I’ve allowed myself to come here, using this strange phenomenon in front of me to deliver my mind to this place. Nothing else matters here, not the miniscule vibrations emanating from below, nor the sounds or sights I’ve become accustomed to while in this vessel. This place is a curse, and yet, tranquility is all I know here.

I begin to reason it’s identity with myself. Is that a car, a boat, a building, or maybe a sign? It could be anything right now, and from this distance, only my imagination can possibly figure out the mystery. If that is what it takes, I will let it go to work. Now the unreasonable ideas spring to mind. Could that be an alien and its spaceship right in front of me? Maybe it’s a giant animal prancing about? Could it be that my mind has made it all up, and that nothing is really in front of me? So many possibilities, I need to contemplate these options.

I’ve seen things like this before, but where? Maybe it was at a store. I might recognize it if I go back. Speaking of the store, I do need to pick up some more bread, I’ve been craving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again. Haven’t had one in months; I wonder why I stopped eating them. Speaking of sandwiches, a burrito counts as a sandwich. I should make burritos for dinner tonight. I think there was something else I had to get at the store, but that, like this object, is unknown to me. Enough of this tangent in my thoughts, I have more pressing matters to focus on.

This object has been staring at me for at least the last two hours, and the whole time I’ve been trying to understand it’s identity, I’ve been wasting away thinking about all this trivial nonsense. This object is what matters most right now. I have to know. Think, what could this actually be? Well I’ve never seen an alien in real life. If I did, what would it even look like? Tall, grey, lanky, like the movies typically portray aliens. That doesn’t seem too likely to me. Then again, who I am to say what’s real and not real. I guess in here, what ever I want can be real.

I’ve ruled out aliens, simply because of probability. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. Am I really going to let my own mind psych me out like this? Absolutely not! I refuse to be beaten again. I blink, and suddenly I remember that I have to blink if my eyes want to stay comfortable. I must’ve been staring at this thing for three hours now. My eyes really didn’t hurt though. I bet I could win a staring contest. Now that I think about it, I wonder who holds the world record for staring the longest. I bet it wasn’t three hours.

As I continue my gaze at the unknown object, my mind plays tricks with me. The object moves, dancing in the distance now. Are you mocking me?

No, I can’t pursue! Obey the monolith, and then we can figure this out. My grip tightens as I anticipate permission, though I never really know when it comes. I have to know what this is. I’m baffled, and I can only ponder all these absurd ideas. I keep getting side-tracked. Something has to give. My mind is destroying me right now, and I am forced to go along with it’s every whim. I want to escape, but I can’t. I’m just, comfortable here. Besides, there is nothing out there for me right now. I can be here for as long as I want.

I’ll keep trying to figure out what this thing is. Maybe it is something real, not like a wild foreign object or a massive beast roaming the earth. Perhaps I was just allowing myself to create fantastical visions, simply because of my relentless boredom. This mundane task I find myself in will never actually cease. Not until the end. It should be coming soon.

As my mind continues to mount it’s offensive, a piercing drone barrels into my ears. It’s not deafening, but it is persistent. It stops, just long enough for me to lift my head off my hand, look forward briefly before blinking a few times again. Where did it go? The object was gone now, and all that is left is this subtle green light, glowing down from the obelisk. I blink a few more times to regain my composure. I’ve left this beautiful place, the land of trickery my mind forces me to enjoy. That’s what I believe about it at least.

I jut forward, realizing now that I have permission. My rage is gone, the envy I felt is no longer with me. I am right where I need to be, albeit with a slight delay. Nothing between me and the end of the line except a few left turns.

As I pull into my garage at home, I get out of my car a realize, I never did look at the object and find out what it was. Oh well! I’ll drive by it again, and if I get stuck at that stop light, perhaps my attention can remain focused long enough to discover what it was the next time. For now, I’ll go inside my home, as I cross that threshold, like always, I’ll forget the object that entranced me for only a moment, what felt like eternity, ever even existed.