An absence of mushrooms

The blonde girl sat down, opened her own desk, pulled out a fluffy green pencil-case, and smiled.

It clearly wasn't her first day.

She closed her desk lid, and waved.

"Hi! I'm Emma. You're new here, huh? Well, welcome to Beaumont High! You don't need to worry- you'll have tons of fun with us. What's your name?"

"Cassie. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too! Hey, Mr Edwards will be starting soon, so you should probably start putting your things in your desk. See- like mine!"

Emma opened her lid again and proudly displayed its contents: a jam jar of felt tip pens, four or five red workbooks neatly piled together, a Slinky coiled in a corner, a glue-stick that that threatened to roll due to one desk leg's tendency to wobble, multi-coloured stickers plastered across every inch of the lid's underside, a few clear (but crumpled) plastic binders, and a definite space where the fluffy blue pencil-case belonged.

She was kind, her new neighbour, and Cassie knew that making friends would be important at school. Lemik had told her so.

Cassie opened her own desk, contemplating just how to fill such a vast amount of emptiness. She reached into a brown cloth bag by her feet, and pulled out: two ham-and-cheese sandwiches, most of a refill pad, and one black pen. Popping them neatly into the desk, the humble pile seemed dwarfed by all the space around it. Like a tiny cluster of field mushrooms, surrounded by thick grass on all sides.

"Lemik, what's the word privation mean? I got it in the last spelling list Mum set, and Dad didn't know what it meant when I asked him."

Cassie lounged in the field, bare legs draped in late summer sun, as flies drifted lazily in the air above.

The little green creature beside her sat in silence before answering, a full minute passing by before he spoke. Lemik never rushed an answer.

"I thiiink, it means to not have something. To lack it."

"Okaaaay. Example please?"

"Mmmm. There is no cover from these pesky flies right now. We don't have anything that will keep them away. That's a privation- an absence of a thing."

"That makes sense. But to be fair, you do have a tail, so that's not exaactly true".

Lemik didn't respond, but his tail did wave half-heartedly.

Cassie sat up, brushing grass from her sister's old skirt and flies from the space around them.

"So, it's when you don't have something you need. Or want?"

Lemik's eyes had drifted half-closed, but he did eventually reply.

"I'm not sure it's even that. I think it's just something that isn't there."

Cassie stared into her desk, taking in all the privation.

She was jolted back in her seat by a voice so cheerful and loud that it was impossible to ignore.

"Gooood morning boys and girls!"

His was a cheerful face- younger than her Dad's, flushed red like he had been running, with curly brown hair dropping down onto a smart blazer that was almost exactly the same shade. His tie looked like it had been dunked into at least three buckets of paint- splotches of green (Lemik would approve), yellow, and blue dotted everywhere, set against the backdrop of a plain white shirt. Glasses hung around his neck by a string, and he wore trousers the colour of chestnuts.

"Thanks for waiting everybody! Books out please- it's a new semester, and that means it's title page time. Colouring pens are at the front if you need 'em."

As kids all around her started pulling things from their desks, happily chatting, Cassie hesitated. She had neither book nor pens, apart from the black one but that was for writing. The last thing she needed was for someone to notice she had none of her own.

Slowly, she got up and quietly moved to the front, hoping she wasn't noticed. Lemik said that the key when you were afraid, was to pretend you weren't. But she doubted he had ever had to do this- he was too small to reach up to the desk, and anyway, his claws wouldn't be able to grab and hold the pens the way her fingers could.

“Oh, you forgot yours today? No worries! Anybody else leave theirs at home?”

Something about the teacher’s encouraging smile made her think that he knew she hadn’t forgotten, and for that she was thankful.

Glancing around the classroom, she reached into the enormous box and pulled out a fistful of colours. With a rainbow nestled safely inside her grasp, she was about to head back to her desk when

"Okaaay, everybody pens down please!"

The building chaos quickly disappeared- this teacher was good.

"I know, I know, I juuust said to start- that's on me. But we have a new student starting today, and I think we should all give her a big welcome to Beaumont. You all remember what it was like on your first day, right?"

Twenty-two heads nodded up and down, some with more certainty than others. One boy pursed his lips and had to think about it for a few seconds, then vigorously nodded his head. Lemik would like him.

"Cassie. It's Cassie right?" His gentle tone settled the nerves that had threatened to bubble up from inside her, and she made herself look up.

That cheerful face was smiling, and he put a hand to his chest. "I'm Mr Edwards, and this is your new homeroom. Sorry to spook you, but we’re very glad you've joined us! Class, if you haven't said hi to Cassie already, please do.”

She stood shyly, as kids waved, smiled, and shouted “Hi Cassie!” Emma was beaming from the back row, and after a quick wave of her own and glance at Mr Edwards, she ducked back to her own seat, not daring to let go of the precious pens she had come for.

That hadn’t been as horrendous as she thought, and they had been so nice, but there was no way she would venture up there again where everyone could see her.

Maybe she was the mushroom.

She pictured herself being plucked from the safety of the pack, wriggling and squirming to get free, and being dropped down into a foreign field, falling, falling

Thunk.

"Not agaaain. I can't get more than four!"

Lemik pulled a face, his fur alive in the wind. "At least you can skim Cassie." He held up a claw as if to say 'try bouncing stones with these'.

"This is true. Okay, one more".

Cassie's nose wrinkled with the effort as she curved the flat stone across the river, crouching low and watching as it bounced on the surface once, twice,

"A three! Laaame. It's official- I think I'm getting worse. Ah well, let's head out."

They made their way back to the tree-stump at the end of the lane, Cassie gingerly squeezing through the twisted fence while Lemik simply hopped over. She started to walk off, before turning abruptly.

"Hey Lemik. Mum said something I can't stop thinking about. She said people spend too much time hiding from each other these days. What's that s'posed to mean? Why don't adults just say what they think all the time?"

Lemik had nearly disappeared into the grass, his fur beginning to blend in, but turned around at her question. He knew by now to expect at least one of these a day.

She waited, and had counted to nineteen when he replied.

"Maybe humans are too scared to say how they feel about each other. Especially when they mean a lot."

Cassie stood there, hands on hips, thinking. "Well that just seems silly. You mean a lot to me, and I tell you that all the time!

"Words can be tricky sometimes Cassie. They're hard to say, and might make us feel nervous or weak. But, people can show how they feel too. They hug, they write letters, and sometimes they give gifts."

"I do like presents! Have you got one for me?", she laughed. "Instead of saying see ya later?"

Lemik smiled then. "Not today, I don't. Remember Cassie- not everyone gets to say goodbye. At least, not in the way they might want".

"Yeah. I know that."

Cassie thought that Lemik seemed especially thoughtful today, but then again, maybe he was just trying to figure out if it was actually possible for him to skim stones after all. Probably not.

"Right-o, I better get inside before it's dark. See you at the stump!"

"Not if I get there first!"

Lemik raised a claw, then scurried off into the undergrowth.

Emma raised her hand, and Mr Edwards threw her the fluffy yellow kitten.

"Go on Junior Biologist Emma the Extraordinaire, tell us one thing we learned yesterday about temperature. You have caught the cat!"

The class giggled, and after a few seconds, so did Cassie. It was weird not having her Mum next to her desk, and to see twenty-two other children learning as she did, but her teacher was funny, and Emma was nice. Plus, she had made two new friends at break-time near the climbing wall, and they had Maths next.

Emma placed the kitten gently on her desk, and Cassie thought that maybe she might like to meet Lemik. After all, he had claws and could jump as far as Mr Edwards had thrown the stuffed toy. And he was very fast.

Senior Biologist Edwards the Extraterrestrial, I know that water freezes at 0 degrees Celsius, or 32 in Fahrenheit. Also, cold isn't real!"

"Aha. Well let me count on my fingers...that's two things! But because the second was so interesting, I'll allow it. Class, Emma is absolutely correct on the first point- you should have those numbers written down in your books."

Cassie quickly scribbled them onto her second page of refill with her black pen. She'd never written so much before, and would have to ask Dad for a second pen by the end of the week.

"As for the second: I want you to turn to the person next to you, not yet, and discuss with them, not yet Ricardo, just wait, this idea that Emma just mentioned. The idea that cold isn't real, or doesn't exist. Emma- just listen on this one. Sixty seconds- go!"

That didn't see like nearly enough time. The classroom dissolved into a frenzy of earnest conversation, Cassie turning to Max on her left as Emma leaned in.

"Well, I don't think Emma's right", Max began. "Sorry Emma. But like, that seems silly. In winter, my fingers get cold at break when I don't wear my gloves! And, things get hot too. So if there's hot, then there must be cold..."

He tailed off, distracted by Luke who was unsuccessfully attempting to lob a paper ball into the rubbish bin, and was about to try again for the fifth time. Cassie stared at her fingers, and wondering if she would need her own gloves in the winter term. Another pen, and a pair of gloves- this could be the start of a long list.

She looked up and realised that Emma and Max were staring, waiting for her to speak.

"Oh. Sorry! I spaced out."

She was used to Lemik's thoughtful pauses, and made a mental note that kids talked a bit quicker, especially in Mr Edward's class.

"Well...Max, your hands wouldn't have been cold if you had been wearing your gloves right? And your gloves don't make your hands hot, like actually hot. So..."

Incredibly, in the space of just a minute the noise level had doubled, and the conversations were starting to wander into snack choices and sports results. Cassie's train of thought was lost in the chaos, and she was about to clamp her hands over her ears when Mr Edwards called them in. Just as incredibly, the class stopped what they were doing and turned back to the front of the room. The noise, so apparent just seconds ago, was now clearly absent, apart from Rosie's pen falling onto the floor.

Absent. Lemik's words from the previous afternoon came floating back to her as the class waited. A privation was something that wasn't there. Noise before, now none.

Mr Edwards was writing on the board now, and gesturing with his other hand. "Right, so Emma's point was that cold isn't real. Which sounds absurd! Now, we all know what it's like to be cold, huh? Freezing, chilled, icy- these words all describe that feeling when you can't get warm. So we've experienced it. But what actually, is it?"

He smiled, and waited, seemingly content to wait for an answer.

After what felt like an age, Cassie could tell that he was watching her, and when she glanced up, he gave a little nod, barely noticeable.

"...Umm, cold could be the word we use, to describe how we feel...when we haven't got any warmth?"

She shot a glance at Emma, who smiled proudly.

With another encouraging nod from the front, she continued.

"We...can make heat through things like fire, or electricity, or movement. But when we don't have any, or we lose it, that's when we start to get cold. It's not actually there.

She watched as Mr Edwards wrote on the board: cold is the absence of heat.

"Great answer Cassie. Does that make sense everyone? You've got thirty seconds to chat to somebody new about this, if you're still feeling stuck."

Cassie's face warmed, and she began to copy from the board, while she could hear Max continue talking about his fingers to whoever was listening.

Lemik scraped his claws on the fence, content to watch as Cassie tried to walk her way along the top, her arms out like a bird's, minus the actual flying. So far she had managed to progress five beams, and the sixth was proving a real nuisance.

"You know, I couldn't even climb up this fence a year ago. Now look at me! You should be proud!"

Lemik rolled over on the grass, blending in nicely, and waited until she had successfully navigated her way to the seventh beam before falling again.

"Oh I am, and far more than you know. Even if you can only skim a stone three times. That I don't think you can blame on being sick- it's a skill you haven't quite figured out yet."

Cassie poked her tongue out. "That's four times, thank you very much. Imagine where I'll be this time next year!"

"Something incredible, no doubt."

"So glad I'm recovered. Still, I'm gonna miss home-school. What if the kids are mean and don't like me? What if the teacher isn't as good as Mum was? What if the topics are too hard?"

She had hauled herself back up again, and sat perched on the first beam, legs swinging and brown curls blowing, a slight frown scattering sharp black eyes.

Lemik used his tail to grasp the fence and hang upside down, the little green creature swaying gently in the wind.

"Cassie, I very much doubt that will happen. Of course, I don't know what the kids will be like, and humans can be unkind. It will be different, of that I'm certain. But you've been through more than most adults go through in a lifetime, and you've come out the other side. You also ask a lot of questions, and thoughtful ones at that. You'll be okay. And of that, I'm also certain."

"That sounds, like very sensible advice from you Lemik. You know what? I think I'll take it."

She leaned across the first beam, and they hung there like that until her head got sore, which was all of fifteen seconds.

"Beam number eight tomorrow! Well, not tomorrow cos I'll be at school, but soon." She hopped to her feet from the ground, careful to brush off any dirt from her clothes. Race you to the stump!"

She sprinted along, but as always, Lemik got there first.

Cassie laughed in spite of it, and was about to run up the lane when

"Shoot! Mushrooms! Aaargh it's too late now. Looks like she returns home empty-handed."

Lemik yawned, then pulled a wry face. "A good lesson in not procrastinating maybe, even when fence-balancing is such fun. Don't worry, you can always get them tomorrow!"

"Okay class, I'll see you all tomorrow! We'll be onto a new topic in English as well, so don't forget to bring your copy of the book back please!"

Mr Edwards's words had stuck in her mind on the bus home, for she was curious about the new topic, but she was jolted by a strange sight at the end of the lane.

Cassie stared at the tree-stump. Clumped together as if for comfort, a small heap of field mushrooms had been assembled. Picked with patience, their long stalks were unbruised, and barely a speck of dirt lay atop their white heads, as if little hands had carefully brushed it all away. But they hadn't been little hands. This would have taken all afternoon.

Privation. Not only the absence of something, but the missing of it too. Something to be had, but had no longer.

She waited at the tree-stump a little while longer, just in case.

Minutes walked by, but no-one came, and the sun started to dip, so slowly you would barely notice it, unless you were a little girl waiting at the end of a long day. Even sunlight passes on.

Eventually, as dusk started to gather, Cassie reluctantly gathered up the little pile of produce into her arms, and began to walk slowly down the lane. Dad would want to hear all about her first day, and there was so much to say.

Tomorrow would come after sleep, and when it did, she'd go to school and tell Emma a story about a tree-stump, field mushrooms, and the best friend she'd ever had.