Ageusia

This morning I woke up and cooked rotten eggs and ate them thoroughly on thin soggy bread. I poured myself some led-water from the tap, and sprinkled salt on top of the whole mess of it to add some type of flavor. There was this tree stump outside, under the somber sky, in where I kneeled down on my god-aching knees, and had breakfast. Just like I did yesterday, and just like I will tomorrow and many days after. However long it would take to bring back my Saint of a taste. I missed it so poorly. It had been nearly two years and sixty something days since it has forsaken me. The sky went grey that day and has never shed sun since. However, for a short while I was sort of alright without it all. I could even eat the foods I did not like which helped me in some strange situations I guess. But then after a while it became some type of real life nightmare, having no sense of taste that is. And my smell has been near on the verge for about 3 years, However I am not so emotional on that part. Oh but my taste is something I need back more than any god given soul or object on this shitty planet. All of the delicious meals I miss, so tender or juicy or both. All of the sweet treats and candies and chocolates and drinks of all concentrated fruit flavors and such. I can still somewhat taste them for a second but then realize it’s just my saliva in which I also cannot even taste.

It’s a sad thing, the world without flavor. Yes it has made other senses clearer, but who really cares for sight or touch or whatever other stupid senses are left. I had brainstormed and experimented about a million ideas before admitting to myself of this hopeless situation. I am a scientist, yes, a biochemist, If you even know what that means of course. And for the past couple years I have devoted most if not all of my research to selfish experiments. Yes, I have grown so obsessed with the heartbreaking loss of my taste, that I have become somewhat of a distracted high school student doodling in class. Everyday I go into the lab in where I am well respected and left alone, and set up all my scientific tools of experimentation and go to work, in purpose of finding some type of common denominator where my taste went wrong. I take samples of my own blood, saliva, hair, urine, pheasies, vomit, in fact have even hooked myself up to a morphine drip while performing surgery on my nervous system. I have done nearly anything an experienced biochemist could do in the span of 2 years, but the only puzzle piece I have contained from these experiments is a glitch in my DNA, in which sadly is thoroughly unglitchable. Im not sure where it is from, but I do know that my body has been producing it naturally and inevitably. Im afraid to say that the only way I could kill this glitch off is to kill myself.

Anyway, After breakfast I went on to work in my sad little lab, Passed the donut table in the lobby where all my coworkers put out and feasted away on fake sweet foods to get them through the day. I relied on just about the exact opposite. Ironically they have all seemed to be surpassing me in their research and studies and everything, yet, I do not find myself caring of that or anything anymore. My reputation is meaningless, yet I feel so abnormal it even stunts my self-work-ethic. They all walk and talk and shit and piss and eat and drink and sniffle smells around me. They sense my presence when I am near, like some disgusting odor walks with me. Senseful pieces of shit. I probably did wreak, but again I did not care. Nobody could nearly understand what it’s like, to lose a sense of taste or smell forever. No, the senses in which god chooses to steal from more normal people are sight or hearing, in where I feel even more lonely knowing not even blind or def people could share my distastefulness. And these, normals, have not a single right to even think of pessimism when they have nothing but privileges to cry about…

Well, But what if they did, I thought. I know that may sound harsh to some, but honestly how worse would the world be without a couple of senses. Better actually, for not only would the worlds creatures be somewhat humbled, but they will once and for all know exactly what it’s like living my putrid life, and truthfully, us all being in the same boat as a whole, might just save the world from a much larger doom. Yes, I chuckled, this idea was a must. Near impossible, but absolutely unpredictable and profoundly genius. And me, yes I, am it’s heavenly beholder, godly you can say. And soon enough I alone will twiddle together a most contagious solution in which will rape the world of its sense of taste, and hopefully smell.

With my mega-microscope I isolated the glitch by separating my normal DNA from it. Then mixed it with a liquid neutralizer and contracted it into a syringe so that I could easily experiment with the liquidized form. I mixed it with reactants to dull the Q & A process down to basic properties. And when I found them out it wasn’t hard to tell that this substance had turned into somewhat of a virus, one I’ve never seen or heard of. It was in some type of weird form in my body, but now that it’s in liquidized form it can be spread. All I need to do is to figure a way in which humans can breath it in. Once I do that, than it will be contagious enough to be considered lethal if in the wrong hands. Perfect; for my hands are as wrong as my senses.

After a short while of more further concoction, I had finally cooked up a device of solution, and it came in a cologne bottle scented with lavender. Yes, my solution is a fragrant scent, no pun intended. Anyway, I tried it first on a rat to see if his taste buds would react to lemon juice. And oh it worked so fundamentally and he didn’t make a peep in fact drank it till he overdosed on acidity. So without further or due, I cleaned up my laboratory, sprayed on my new cologne, and went out to try it on humans, passing many friends with many words about my dazzling aroma. They would all be tasteless by the morning I chuckled. My plan had to work, I was no second-rate scientist anymore, no, soon I will silently take over the worlds sense of taste, and probably smell too.

I got home, gobbled down a lethal amount of melatonin, and woke up to such a perfect ray of sun poking through my window. The sun was here today, no more shitty weather or pale skies, for today was different. I put on the news, and the catch line said “BREAKING NEWS; UNKNOWN VIRUS ATTACKS OVERNIGHT.” Chills quivered around my body. The anchor lady said “yes Jim, this is an unknown virus that people are calling “the ageusia” another word for loss of sense of taste. And I am also told it has taken many victims sense of smell as well. Anyway this virus is something our best doctors have been working on since this morning, we absolutely have no idea what caused it or what it is or how deadly it is at that. All we know is, it has affected nearly one third of the world overnight. It may seem impossible, but today is a very flavorless day for people of earth.” I turned off the tv, sat there for a second, and then jumped up and smacked my head against the ceiling in excitement. Then ran over to the fridge, took out my most flavorful foods and drinks in which I’ve been saving for the proper time, and threw them out the window one by one. This morning I then cooked some rotten eggs on the thinnest soggiest bread on the shelf, poured myself some fresh sink water, and sprinkled salt on the whole mess of it with a beautiful basil leaf as the cherry on top. I then strolled out to my favorite spot in front of that tree stump, this time the sun had seemed to hit it so perfectly like the world has given me some morning candlelit breakfast. And I sat and ate it thoroughly, pondering off my tasteless thoughts on the world. Then got up and packed my shit and put on my new cologne, “La Ageusia”. This day however I did not get a single god awful compliment from any human, on my, ever-so-delicious aroma. No, most humans were inside thinking they were infected with some deadly fucking sickness, and others walked along me, unfathomed by my lavender scented cologne. I went into work and the donut table was piled high, untouched by any tasteless creature. Then went into my laviousfull lab, my penthouse in where I cook up the worlds disasters. Not to be modest of course, But of course, there is room to brag.

I sat back for about four hours, merely taking in my laboratory’s beauty. Without the artist it may be useless, I turned it from biochemistry to artistry. These tools and flasks and vials and chemicals were like my weapons against the world, or for the world that is. Anyway, I sat back for another second in daze of self-importance, then went home, threw out my melatonin, and went fastly to sleep knowing what I’ve created is no virus, but that of a global pandemic in which not only fucks the world of two senses, but also kills off those who’s sense it does not affect. Good enough for me. I laid back soaking in my success and near uncomfortable glory. I could taste it…